


Erotica

by grapesicle



Category: GOT7
Genre: Erotica, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Original Universe, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Smut, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:24:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 83,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9282149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapesicle/pseuds/grapesicle
Summary: Erotica is basically made of stories written about the sexual journey of the characters and how this impacts them as individuals. Jinyoung has never read a single book of it though being deeply fascinated by the whole prospect of such genre, too fearful of how real and influencing erotica could be if he allowed it to. That, of course, until the day Jaebum came to their weekly gathering for discussing books with a new set of mind and a quite suggestive book recommendation that would change everything.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh, this was supposed to be an one-shot but somehow things went outta control and this keeps getting longer and longer and I keep having ideas for it and urgggg  
> Anyway uh this is gonna be chaptered but it’s still supposed to be short so umm I don’t know?? Lol let’s see how it goes :) enjoyyy

 

 

 It wasn’t a secret for anyone how much Jinyoung liked reading, neither was it the fact Jaebum had been his primary and most significant source of influence over developing a liking in doing so.

 Of course Jinyoung hasn’t just begun reading because Jaebum did, though. Reading was a hobby of himself, ever since he was young he dotted on books rather than on toys. He still remembers with wistful affection the day his father came to him with a whole set of colored toy cars and a very elaborated race track with sinuous curves and obstacles that should proportionate more tons of fun to the play.

 He also still remembers how eager the man was for him to take a liking in those racing toy cars and move them up and down the track, and how disappointed he became after realizing Jinyoung was paying more attention to the instruction manual that came along with the race car track than to the toy itself. Not that his father found it wrong to prefer reading over toy playing, but parents usually hoped for their children to be more reckless and have fun scrapping their knees on the pavement at the age of five years old.

 Maybe that’s why everyone called him a prodigious as he grew up with a book clutched on one hand and a toy forgotten on the floor, but truth was Jinyoung simply liked to read.

 Words pleased him more than diving into a pool of mud in the middle of the street under a rainy day with his neighborhood friends —which weren’t that many since most of them found him boring and left him aside. All the alternative universes existing within those beautifully written and printed words fascinated him and they kept doing so as he grew up and hit adulthood, all along causing his mind to travel around the world even though his body remained caged in some country for lack of funds or dislike towards the idea of leaving his whole family behind. Jinyoung appreciated the idea of letting his imagination run free over the wide range of stories narrated through dark ink over yellowish aged pages, therefore he read and kept on reading, happily swallowing word after word and sentence after sentence and then page after page.

 The thing about Jaebum being his influence in reading only covered a part of the matter, a tiny part of it, and just to some extent since what Jaebum improved in him regarding his reading habits was basically how many books he read. Quantity, and that’s about that.

 Even though always having a great attachment to literature and finding genres like poetry and self-help truly interesting and worth a deepened study, Jinyoung didn’t feed the habit of reading every day, or nearly as much as once a week. Three books per year and some pocket storybooks settled as enough for his hunger of cult entertainment.

 Things didn’t work the same for Jaebum, the guy really drowning in book after book until he’d have read at least seven books within the span of five months. It was really bizarre how fast Jaebum could read, plus the fact that he didn’t seem to grow tired of it even for a bit and would only deprive himself from reading when their schedules became too packed for his hobbies to have a spot. Watching the fervent passion Jaebum had towards books and paralleling it to his own addiction, Jinyoung decided to go along and read more often, more frequently, and so also going to Jaebum when he was in need of some book recommendations. It didn’t last long until they fell into a routine, and a silent agreement where they would go to each other whenever they had some new reading tips to offer blossomed in between, kind of bounding them together.

 Jinyoung liked it, and his mind unconsciously educated himself to like even more the way they got so engrossed in the after match, in discussing books together, that sometimes they even forgot to really appreciate the story for what it was, sometimes just sucking in the main information of it to then go on and on about the broached subject until late at night, even though their analysis and points of view had gotten hollow and lacked details throughout the years.

 After some time he realized, quite belatedly actually, that what thrilled him the most was their ritual of exchanging ideas and thoughts after reading the same book, the companionship and mutual respect, not to bluntly say faithful trust, they had in that and in themselves. A voice in his head once shared that their dynamic was so good and strong that it somehow worked as a silent confession; confession of what, Jinyoung didn’t know, but a confession nonetheless. And that was enough to awake some fluttering butterflies in the bottom of his stomach.

 Since Jaebum and he started gathering to talk about books, it quickly became a habit which strangely turned into some kind of date night somewhere along the line. Every Saturday night they would buy packs of unhealthy food and bring them home along with some fried snacks from their favorite brand, greenish bottles of soju left cooling in the fridge since the day before and up until the moment they decided to gather in the living room and chill. The preparations were made with so much care that it really looked like a date over a simple night where they’d just talk about books out of a common hobby.

 Jinyoung was sharp enough to notice how overly appreciative of their time together he were and how much he treasured those date nights they somehow made work despite respective packed schedules. Unfortunately, he was just about as slow to ignore the implied meanings in it. For someone who loved reading, he surely had a huge difficulty in reading between the lines. Apparently so did Jaebum, but none of them ever mentioned it. And Jinyoung wouldn’t be the one to break that mutual callowness of them.

 The rest of the boys would all go out at Saturday nights then, excusing themselves by saying they wanted to get rid of the stress accumulated over the week and have some fun at the cheap club three blocks down the neighborhood, but Jaebum and Jinyoung knew better to know they were only going out to give them some privacy. Not that they ever needed it or asked for it or did anything to kick them out the dorm whatsoever.

 Jinyoung had a distant inkling the guys just thought that book club of them to be dead boring and found it better to just leave them alone, but he commented nothing. Whatever has it been the motive, he was kind of thankful. Being alone with Jaebum was way better.

 

 Another Saturday night dragged its way and soon enough Jinyoung was guzzling his second bottle of soju as Jaebum rambled on about the disclosure of the book they had been reading for the past month. It was a science fiction one and neither of them could get a grasp of how things worked in the end, the explanation of the subject in there being poorly developed and several gaps filling what could have been a great story of a man who traveled in time.

They chatted about the book for a few minutes before the subject died in a mutual agreement that it hasn’t been a good pick nor has it been a good indication of a title, Jaebum blaming Jinyoung for it just like he always did when they got together. Because yeah, it was always Jinyoung the one to give indications and Jaebum to take them, even though Jaebum was the one who read the most and had consequently encouraged Jinyoung to follow the same path. Jinyoung did the main research for their entertainment and Jaebum tagged along, only to tease him and pull at his ear later on when the book didn’t happen to be as interesting as its title suggested. That has also become something akin to a routine to them, Jinyoung getting the habit of rolling his eyes at the childish behavior of his friend but dutifully trying to find a better book for the next time.

 And maybe that’s been why Jinyoung found himself widening his pair of deep doe eyes in sheer awe when Jaebum came back from the kitchen saying tonight’s recommendation was gonna be on him. The likelihood of that drifted close to zero and Jinyoung had actually schooled his heart not to expect something out of that field after all those late night encounters, but everything crumbled down that Saturday. And soon Jinyoung would realize that in more ways than one.

 With his mouth dropped and eyes bulged out of their orbs Jinyoung looked like a fish, and Jaebum snickered at his unattractive face before sinking onto the floor and crossing his legs over the carpeted ground. The center table beside him was full with varied packs of flavored potato chips, some half eaten and others sealed still, and bottles of soju dripping condensation dutifully placed over the wooden surface. Jaebum pushed some aside in order to make room for his right arm and then rested his chin over the corresponding hand.

“There’s this book I started reading,” he drawled after both of them were settled comfortably onto their seats, Jinyoung having leaning forward to pick another drink from the table before climbing onto the sofa once again. There was a pause as Jinyoung sipped from the bottle with slender fingers clutching loosely at the neck, Jaebum’s eyes hovering on the way his naturally peachy mouth encircled the edges of the green glass, “It seems quite engaging for what I could grasp…I’m still at the very beginning of it, though. I, um, thought we could read it together?”

“Seriously?,” the bottle sweated inside the shell of his palm as he swept one corner of his mouth with the back of his free hand, the light knitting of his eyebrows denouncing how surprised, confused and slightly wary he was. The worst was that, above everything, Jinyoung couldn’t help being enthralled by the prospect of Jaebum providing a book of his own liking, book he found so impressive he thought of sharing its content with him in their free time. Jinyoung felt those butterflies churning on his stomach again.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be fun if we discuss about it. There’re a lot of things in there that I’d like to know your opinion about.”

“What kind of things? What genre is it?”

 Jaebum fidgeted on his spot around the wooden center table in their living room, seemingly uncomfortable all of sudden. Jinyoung eyed him once again warily as he sensed something was off— if the way the broad span of Jaebum’s shoulders stiffened as if in defensive hasn’t already been enough of a clue.

 Silence reigned for a few moments, dragging itself in the draws of breath Jaebum took while staring at the mahogany surface beneath his sharp elbow. Hesitance could be seen in every pretty feature of Jaebum’s face, expression closed and distant as though he tried to solve an equation, and so Jinyoung was sure there was an inner battle happening in the other’s head, likely about the mysterious book Jaebum claimed to be interested enough to bring out to their weekly gathering.

 Sliding his feet off the sofa to plant them against the soft material of the carpet, Jinyoung remained in a sitting position although his body was now halfway leaned forward and his elbows rested on his thighs. Jaebum visibly stilled at the sudden yet warily motion by his side, but the most he did was chewing at his inner cheeks, slightly apprehensive. “Jaebum?”

“It’s different from the ones we’ve read up until now, the genre,” he answered after heaving a long, sounding exhausting sigh, “you must know it’s really different and you may strange it a bit in the beginning.”

“What, are we reading prayer books or something?”

“Stop being idiot, it’s serious,” the words were meant to sound like a reprimand but the subtle twitch on the corner of Jaebum’s lips ruined their heated seriousness like a bucket of ice cold water. Jinyoung smirked down at his friend when their eyes locked, tiny crinkles blooming at the corner of his dark eyes in such a cute way Jaebum struggled to hide the pure endearment shining on his own as he stared up at them.

“It’s serious,” Jinyoung parroted in a mocking tone that got the other aiming a full hand of potato chips at him, from which he easily dodged while chuckling quietly. Once he settled down again, soft giggles fading in between, Jinyoung picked one of the chips scattered all over the sofa and cocked his head to the side with a smug expression on place, “what, then? Are we reading something filthy, that’s why you’re being so hesitant in telling me?”

“Kinda.” Jaebum shifted when Jinyoung stared at him in bewilderment, mischief blooming brightly on his face and a shit-eating smirk tugging the sides of his plump lips insistently. There was a mumble coming from Jaebum right then, way too low and drawled out for Jinyoung to make a word of it, but the soft blush creeping at the tip of his ears was hint enough for him to match the dots.

 There was something incredibly tempting in making Jaebum feel out of sorts, maybe even a bit flustered and shy, and Jinyoung sincerely reveled in the warm feeling burning on his chest whenever they were engrossed in such situations. Jaebum got extremely cute when embarrassed so Jinyoung educated himself to do his best in making those rare moments last as much as possible, for his own pleasure.

“Don’t tell me it’s gay porn.” Jinyoung teased and swallowed down the snack he had been munching for nearly half a minute, picking another chip from the sofa and plunging it into his puckering mouth as he awaited a reply. Dread washed over him when he noticed how Jaebum flinched somewhat guiltily at what was supposed to be a joke, and it was like the snack got stuck on his throat as realization hit him in full.

 Jinyoung coughed, likewise choked, sucking in the air in long wheezes as though that would make the heaviness around his lungs to dissipate. Taking back the nearly empty bottle he’d discarded somewhere along the line and gulping down the remnants of it in one go, he slowly went through his momentary state of freaking out, glancing at the man sitting on the floor, standing right beside his leg in a tense position, and wondering what in name of god was that heck about.

“…is it?,” the question came in a quiet tone, voice smeared in cautious with an edge of dithering interest Jinyoung would never assume. Seconds passed under dead quietness and soon they turned into a whole minute, then two and almost made it to three. Jaebum looked as though he was regretting bringing up that topic, lips pursed and jaw locked in what seemed to be a very displeasing position, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but drown in the anticipation building inside his guts. He was shocked and tempted to dig further into that dangerous matter at the same time, and that was a cocktail of sensations he couldn’t bring himself to dislike.

 Imagining Jaebum could be one of the type who read that kind of genre was something he would never do, not even in his wildest fantasies; not because he’d be somehow grossed out by that or would come to look at his friend differently after archiving that new information in his brain and flipping through it later in order to analyze it thoroughly. Actually, it was the very opposite of it.

 Jinyoung would never allow himself to merely entertain the thought of Jaebum being interested in such subject as relationships between people of same gender because he didn’t want to have his mind counting chickens before the eggs have hatched and blinding his sharp judgment with false hope.

 He couldn’t afford having such behavior, not when they were supposed to hold only a professional and friendly kind of relationship. There were no gaps for romance and Jinyoung’s stupid ideas about what would it feel like to taste Jaebum in more ways than just one, and there would never be. Yet there he was, gaze focused and trained in every shifting move Jaebum did as they settled within a deafening silence, waiting for what kind of response the older between them two would give and hoping for it to be something that crossed their friendship barrier.

 And so, after what felt like ten minutes but probably had been barely five, Jaebum turned and held their gazes together before nodding in still silent resolution. A confirmation.

 Jinyoung gulped dryly, the alcohol provided by the soju he’d been downing ever since the beginning of the night now working on his system in a fizzy way and making his inability of controlling his facial expressions when drunk show. Face heated from both embarrassment and drunkenness, he also nodded in understanding, trying to ignore how unwavering Jaebum’s gaze was now that they were waging a staring battle primarily based in underlying meanings, all of them way deeper than what the both of them was willing to acknowledge.

“And how is it?,” Jinyoung inquired in such a tiny voice neither he recognized being his own, clearing his throat and repeating the question again before continuing, “this book you’re engaging us to read together, how is it?”

“I barely made it to the third chapter, I haven’t much to say about it yet…,” Jaebum scratched the back of his neck and looked away, down the bottles of soju and over the waxed surface of the table which faintly reflected his figure in blurriness. “Just that it’s… interesting.”

“How interesting?,” curiosity was eating him alive and even though he knew he shouldn’t be poking that subject further and further like that, that was exactly what he was doing, poking it and trying to get as much of an information he could. All because his interest got flamed up and his mind kicked into fifth gear, wondering if reading a book about gay porn was the same as watching videos of it because _oh_ , Jinyoung watched them a lot.

“It has a, uh, really good writing and the content it’s not just about… _that_ , if you know what I mean. There are literature edges on it, romance hiking up as the chapters go on, development of characters and it seems to have a great and fluid development of the story itself. Of course there’s sexual interaction but it’s not just that.”

“So is it _erotica_?” the question came in a mixture of confusion and realization when Jinyoung finally understood what was that book about. There was a huge difference between erotica and simple junky gay porn, difference Jaebum didn’t seem to have deep knowledge about since the man now wore a thoughtful expression on his face.

 When talking about book genres, the range of options was pretty extent. Porn, on its essence, was composed by stories written for the sole purpose of granting some sexual gratification. Plot, character development and romance weren’t primary in this genre and it’s designed to incite the reader to orgasm and nothing else. Erotica was basically the opposite, made of stories written about the sexual journey of the characters and how this impacts them as individuals. Emotion and character growth were the important facets that composed this genre even though erotica wasn’t necessarily designed to show the development of a romantic relationship, being only optional of the author.

 Inside erotica there was also the subgenre called Erotic Romance, where the stories dealt mainly with the development of a romantic relationship through sexual interaction, the proper sex being an inherent part of the story, character growth and relationship development, and causing no damages to the storyline if removed. Quite similar to Sexy Romance, excluding the part where the sex just happens to be more explicit and not actually primordial, this subgenre required a _happily ever after_ ending.

 And, unconsciously, this kind of ending was the one Jinyoung most craved for in real life, preferably with Jaebum. What he knew would never happen, not even in a trillion years, but he just couldn’t find it in himself to stop dreaming, stop wishing, stop craving.

 Jinyoung wondered how could he know so much about that kind of genre considering the fact that he’d never read a single book from it. Erotica surely had its enchants, the description of the sex fairly told to be exquisite and utterly arousing, but his shyness never allowed him to. It wasn’t the same as watching porn, somehow reading that kind of book where romance was the base for everything seemed more intimate.

 Maybe that’s why he has ever refused himself to succumb to his curiosity, afraid of what others would think if they found out he was into gay romance with tons of sex. But now, right now, Jaebum was offering him this new world. Jaebum was offering him the escape he’s ever craved for, the permission to dive into those unknown waters without being yanked back by the scrutiny of other people finding about it. Because doing it alone was a case, and doing it together with someone he knew would never allow anyone else to interfere on their matters and crash down their glassy bubble of rejoice was something completely different.

 And so Jinyoung felt tempted to give in; tempted to accept what he was being proposed and just read it with Jaebum, discover that new world with Jaebum, share those enticing new sensations with Jaebum. And damn he wanted to, he wanted to do all of that without holding back. But he did hold himself back after all. There was no way he could read erotica and then discuss about it with Jaebum without feeling somehow charged and triggered and ready to burst.

 It would be too intimate for him to handle everything just as another book gathering, week after week getting aroused by the book and sharing the details with Jaebum while resisting the urge to perform all the passages of the story with him. It would be awkward when his friend rejected him if he ever went over limits and made a move, and Jinyoung wasn’t ready for that. Every cell of his body screamed that it was a bad idea and begged him to decline, to save himself from that doom, to stick to those literature books they were already sickening fed up with.

 But then again there was that shy uncertainty and resistance edging Jaebum’s features Jinyoung couldn’t shake off of his senses. It has been him the one to bring that subject up, prompting them to burn together into that brand-new set of mind, and Jinyoung still mulled over Jaebum expressing his desires towards knowing Jinyoung’s opinion about that book. Jaebum wanted that, had summed up enough courage as to confess that during their weekly book date, went against the stubbornness and proud and flaming ego Jinyoung knew he housed deep inside only to engage them into reading erotica together.

 And there again he was, unable to shatter Jaebum’s efforts into pieces and decline that meaningful offer to the handsome face he knew was full of false bravado. Therefore he set his mind and heart for the worst, internally accepting to drown in that perilous sea that was his friend’s dusk nature and irresistible persona.

“I don’t know how it’s called, but yeah, sure, I guess so.” Jaebum spoke at last, standing up from the floor doesn’t minding a bit to shake off possible dirt from his clothes. Once he was on his feet, Jinyoung looked up in apprehension, afraid he had done something to snap the other up and make him run away from the conversation just like that.

 Kind of relief washed over him when Jaebum simply stood there, awkwardly fiddling with his fingers. Above being bad-tempered, cranky, impulsive and everything else, Jaebum was sincerely cute. “You really want to know my opinion about it that bad? Why?”

“Not ‘that bad’, I just got curious and thought you’d like it and— ah, you know what, forget it. Let’s stick to our regular books. You can give the indication I know you’ve prepared and next week we—”

“Alright.” Jinyoung cut him midsentence, an amused glint enlightening his dark eyes as he watched the way Jaebum’s nose scrunched up in a burst of restless and dismay for being that exposed. Their eyes met across the unleveled angle they currently were and whiskers creased the corners of Jinyoung’s eyes as he smiled toothlessly, resolute. “Let’s do it. What book is it?”

 Jaebum stilled, body going motionless, apparently skeptical about what he had just heard. The twin dots tainting his left eyelid looked beautiful from where Jinyoung admired them, both fluttering slightly along the flesh as Jaebum switched his gaze from Jinyoung’s face to the floor and then came back again, just as though he waited for Jinyoung to change his mind if he stared at him for too long.

 But Jinyoung didn’t, and his smile was still in place when Jaebum sighed and moved around to reach behind one of the cushions in the smaller sofa, drawing a thick novel from there just as soon. Jinyoung didn’t bother to wonder why Jaebum had hidden the book in there, though. Mind too engrossed in the velvety cover of the book clutched between those small fingers to do so.

“Here,” he handed Jinyoung the book, the relatively new edition feeling heavy and firm against his palm as he took it with cautious, and then Jinyoung’s beautiful pair of deep pools was scanning the cover avidly. The title lacked hints about the alluring subject it supposedly held and it could easily pass as any other kind of genre if Jinyoung didn’t know better. But he did, he knew better than to let his guards down.

 It did look quite inoffensive as Jinyoung flipped through it absentmindedly though, fingertips sliding against one little fold on the top of one page being probably done by Jaebum to mark where he’d stopped his reading. Eyes snapping up, he frowned softly at the other, “you were reading this copy, how will you keep on reading it if you’re handing this to me now?”

“I wasn’t exactly _handing_ it to you, I was just showing you the book so you’d get familiar with it,” he explained and then grinned in smugness when Jinyoung grimaced at him from his spot, and that was the first time Jaebum wore other expression than the one of hesitance and nervousness from before so Jinyoung let that pass unpunished. At least Jaebum looked tons more relaxed now.

“I suppose I’ll have to read this through the internet then? You’ve always been the one to do so when we got stuck with just one copy to use, but since you were the one to indicate the book this time we reversed positions?”

“Good thing you have your reading glasses designed with brightness prevent then.”

“I hate when you’re like this.” Jinyoung huffed, tone sounding serious but eyes shining with mirth. Whenever Jaebum behaved like that, all cool and mocking and arrogant and sly, Jinyoung felt rattles on his skin with unexpressed longing. That teasing behavior was hot, just like that explosive and heated temper the older owned, and by this point Jinyoung doubted he would ever find something in Jaebum that wasn’t freaking attractive anymore.

 Things were the way they were, and Jaebum was handsome and charming and seductive by nature.

“Of course you do.” The mocking smirk locked in Jaebum’s lips was so endearingly hateful Jinyoung felt a sudden urge to smack that face of his with a well deserved punch, but his soft side wouldn’t ever allow him such satisfaction. Sometimes he thought Jaebum just knew about his weakness towards him and used that on his favor, only to provoke him as much as he wanted to with the advantage of getting away with it unharmed every time, but he didn’t blame him, no. Jinyoung would do the same if he ever caught such weakness coming from Jaebum towards him. Though he never did.

“Alright then, when are we reading this? I mean, you’re already drifting close to the third chapter so you’ll have to just wait for me to catch up, right?”

“Um, yeah, that’s the plan, yes. Next week we gather again and you tell me what you’re thinking about the story so far.”

“So I’ll have to read three chapters straight in a week?,” Jinyoung practically whined, his reading rhythm still not that developed to cope with what Jaebum was asking of him, plus sometimes he just got real lazy and tired because of their unforgiving schedule and wanted nothing but sleep, and then reading three chapters due to next week wouldn’t work.

 But Jaebum knew that, and the mirth shining in those catlike eyes as he grinned down at him showed just how much he pleasured himself in making Jinyoung struggle around the deadline only to keep up with their silent agreement in sharing books impressions. Jinyoung really hated when Jaebum was like that, seeing through him just like clear water.

 This ability of Jaebum to read him just as good and fast as he read all those books they shared frequently scared the shit out of Jinyoung, though. He felt so transparent, deprived of any cover or well appreciated shield when it came to Jaebum’s sharp gaze. Sometimes he feared Jaebum got him too figured out; aware of how fond of their time together Jinyoung had become throughout time and how deeper feelings started to bloom from it since a while ago. Maybe he pitied him enough to don’t say a word or even bring the subject up, too respectful of their friendship to embarrass him to that extent.

 Sleepless nights dragged on because of that, the uncertainty building up and the fear eating him alive, but then Jinyoung managed to deal with all of that, got used to it. If Jaebum knew and chose to don’t say a word, maybe it’s been better like that. If he didn’t know and was dead clueless about everything, then even better it was. Jinyoung learned how to push the restlessness aside with time and he’d only allow himself to feel insecure about that once in a while.

 Bad enough, this twist in their routine regarding their book genre choices managed to flourish all those insecurities back and so Jinyoung felt as though he couldn’t breathe. It was exhausting experiencing that adrenaline of being caught nourishing deeper feelings for Jaebum again, and so Jinyoung heaved a long sigh before slumping back on the sofa and closing his eyes in try of getting his mind straight. He could feel his friend’s eyes on him as he did so, but he only snapped his own open again after half a minute of appeasing contemplation.

“Ok, I guess I can make it. Next week. Deal.” His voice came out tired but it didn’t have anything to do with how it was already late at night and they’ve been awake for more than nineteen hours straight now. “But it better be really good, this book.”

“Trust me in this one.” Jaebum purred just like an elated cat that got the milk bow he wanted after meowing and meowing in persuasion, eyes turning into narrow openings of dark eyelashes and raven irises as he grinned wider. That was unfair, Jaebum was just too adorable for his own good.

 Jinyoung regarded him warily one last time before giving in and propping himself out the sofa and on his legs, muscles complaining when he stretched his body by raising both arms above his head as far as he could with a fake yawn leaving his pouting mouth. He wasn’t sleepy, just tired of revolving around thoughts and more thoughts about Jaebum. “When haven’t I?”

 Jaebum chuckled a bit and prompted himself to help Jinyoung cleaning the table, picking a few empty bottles and grimacing when his fingers brushed over some leftover sauce that somehow spilled from the long gone fried chicken they ate before stuffing themselves with potato chips and alcohol somewhere along the night. Jinyoung laughed openly at that before successfully dodging the sticky finger Jaebum tried to dirty him with.

 They resumed the cleaning, Jaebum excusing himself to hide the erotic book in his room and coming back moments later, and then they chatted about nothing in particular for about more half an hour until the rest of their friends arrived from their night out in the club.

 Midst listening to how Bambam embarrassed not only himself but the rest of the others by stripping to a girlgroup song above the countertop of the bar in the club they went, Jinyoung couldn’t shake off the feeling someone was watching him. He went breathless from laughing when Jackson mimicked how scandalized Youngjae looked like while Bambam put up a show of unzipping his pants and zipping it up right after in a teasing move, and everyone shrieked when Mark exposed Jackson by revealing how he had even stuffed a few notes into Bambam’s pants and howled encouragingly through it all.

 They were all chocking on laughter right then and even so Jinyoung still felt eyes on him. Funny how he didn’t even have to look around and search for whom had been burning a hole on his face as they talked happily about the events of the night out, his stare immediately landing on Jaebum and locking those dark depths in a challenge.

 Jaebum was leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed in front of his chest, a soft and somewhat knowing smile on his lips as he started at Jinyoung even though Yugyeom was by his side telling him how no, he didn’t join Bambam in the sexy dance above the countertop like Mark was saying and no, he hasn’t called Jaebum names while in his drunk state like Youngjae was accusing him of doing so. Something did a flip inside Jinyoung’s stomach right then and he looked away, unsure of why he felt the urge to fight the blush creeping up his neck. Fuck Jaebum and his mad effect on him.

 When everyone calmed down from the thrill proportioned by the night at the club and withdrew to their respective rooms, Jinyoung thanked the fact he wasn’t paired up with anyone in the roommate thing. He rejoiced his independence and privacy, and he appreciated it even more now that he was bound to read the book Jaebum engaged them into in his notebook. He couldn’t risk reading it with someone else sleeping in a bed right next to him, so he was thankful for the room arrangement once again.

 It hasn’t been hard to find the book title on the internet once Jinyoung googled it in the dimness of his room, even taking the time to make his research through an incognito tab for good measure. Luckily, they had it in a pdf archive format in the site he visited so he downloaded it and hastily closed the page.

 For some reason his heartbeat was pounding on his ears as he opened the book archive, the letters making him cringe while his eyes watched them taking form in the document. He could do this. It was just erotica, he could fucking do it. Worrying about Jaebum’s reaction when they first started talking about it next week was for later, now he should just focus and enjoy that new experience the most he could. He took a deep breath when the document of nearly two hundred pages finished loading.

 And so Jinyoung started reading.

 

 


	2. Two

 

 

 Jinyoung couldn’t just find it in him to face Jaebum as they had breakfast together the day after.

 Since it was Sunday, their days didn’t begin before eleven o’clock and that only if they were in a good mood to get out of the bed and actually live outside their bedrooms. The night before had been one of relatively light drinking for the seven of them, no one coming to the point where they would spend the night throwing up their guts in the bathroom, but even so there still was a bit of hangover lingering in their systems when they woke up, some earlier than others, but all of them half an hour past noon.

 Everyone was gathered in the kitchen island now, Youngjae and Bambam don’t even looking like they were fully awake yet but munching on their fruity cereal nonetheless, Yugyeom busying himself by spreading butter over a slight burned toast whilst Jackson prepared something rosy and likely smooth in the disturbingly noisy blender with Mark drowsily standing by his side while drinking from their can of milk, and yet Jinyoung felt as if there was only Jaebum and he seated from across one another around the wide white granite table. It was already afternoon, the clock on the wall edging to 1PM, but since they’d all just woke up and were still in their pajamas eating a late breakfast, it still felt like morning.

 Jinyoung couldn’t help being hyperaware of every move Jaebum did, mind paying exaggerated attention to how their legs would occasionally brush under the table, causing the skin of his bare knee to jolt nimbly whenever put in contact with Jaebum’s. Crap, he regretted so much wearing basketball shorts to sleep right now. And he regretted even more risking a glance in Jaebum’s direction from over the edge of his porcelain mug because the moment he looked up, Jaebum was already staring back at him.

 Things between Jaebum and he had shifted and changed considerably since last night, and the funny thing was they haven’t even began talking about the erotic book yet. Jaebum kept sending him stares and smirks ever since he agreed on reading erotica with him, and anticipation pooled at his stomach only by thinking how things would be when they discussed about the matter later on the week. Anticipation and something else he couldn’t quite put a finger on, but was very akin to repressed excitation and yearn. Yes, excitation and yearn, because damn him if he weren’t growing somewhat sexually frustrated with the passing of time. Things were already barely concealing before when thinking about Jaebum in a sexual way was something he did very rarely and only in the depths of his most sinful and guilty thoughts, but _oh_ they surely turned even worse after the things he read in that book the night before.

 Jinyoung had promised himself he would just read the first chapter of that book and then go to bed and sleep, even coming to a self agreement where he definitely would stop reading if feeling too uncomfortable with its content. He had built a whole castle of excuses for himself in case he couldn’t handle what was written in there, but then it all crumbled down like a house of cards when he started getting a grasp on the story.

 The story seemed promising, like truly. The writing was real good and detailed, it felt as though he were living the things portrayed in there instead of simply reading them. Jinyoung liked the well written books the best and maybe that’s been one of the factors that made him so fond of the book in the very first page of it, getting enthralled and involved in the story at each passage.

 Maybe this or the fact that the plot already took off with a fucking hot scene that got Jinyoung almost dropping his notebook on the floor.

 Apparently the story narrated the daily life of a moderator and his test subject that got attracted to each other at the very first day of their encounter in an examination room. The guy who agreed to become a test subject for this newly developed drug —which was said to proportionate massive erections with the rare ability to ejaculate over and over again without having the need to rest to the man who took it— did it for a great amount of money since he was broke and needed to pay rent. The moderator of the test —which had been chosen accordingly his appearance since it surprisingly matched the previously shared standards of the subject guy, being almost the live embodiment of the guy’s ideal type— had the sole purpose of guiding the subject throughout that whole sexual experience and then write down the results so they could evaluate how well the drug worked.

 It didn’t need to be too smart or have the hell of a sharp thinking to know how stimulating things were going to turn in that story. The first chapters seemed to be about that first encounter of the two, maybe extending the scene over the third or fifth chapter, and then there would be the narration of their daily life as such going on dates and discovering more of each other, of course with the improvement of their sexual and romantic life. It was a good plot, an indubitably arousing one, and the writing was just marvelous.

 Jinyoung’s hand had felt gross with sweat while he gripped the mouse tighter during this particular passage where the subject guy was already panting with burning arousal as the drug did effects on his system, the moderator hasn’t even entered the scene yet to spike up the sexual atmosphere even more. That was getting interesting, and at the same time mortifyingly embarrassing for Jinyoung. Interesting because he was getting pleasantly horny and turning hornier at each page he read, and mortifyingly embarrassing because he couldn’t help but think about Jaebum throughout that whole erotic narration.

 How in earth had Jaebum found that book, Jinyoung didn’t know. What have been his reactions while reading it, Jinyoung knew less. Why the fucker wanted so bad to know Jinyoung’s thoughts about that novel, Jinyoung doubted he would ever know.

 Nevertheless, Jinyoung had read. And read. And read more. When the sun had risen in the horizon to paint everything with its meandering yellow cape and greet another morning, Jinyoung had finished the second chapter. The chapters were really long and despite what he had initially thought, the story dragged itself kinda slowly and in a somewhat haze of details that helped in nothing to conceal Jinyoung’s boner when he closed his notebook and stared off the distance in awe. Curiously, those twenty-four hours without getting any sleep didn’t weight on his body as much as that newly acquired sexual frustration did then.

 The second chapter had ended with the subject guy having such a strong orgasm that some of it spilled on the moderator’s hand and he licked it clean just like a famished cat, and that was enough for Jinyoung to moan quietly and try his best not to touch himself. Because no, he wouldn’t get himself off to a fucking book. It’d be hard to hide his hard on in those basketball shorts he wore as a pajamas, sure, but he could always blame it on ‘the mornings’ so he was fine.

 But now Jaebum was smirking knowingly at him from across the table and then he wasn’t fine anymore. Has Jaebum jerked himself off to that book when he first read it? Jinyoung didn’t know if he wanted Jaebum to be one of the type who did so or one of the type who would hold it in only to prod that deliciously torturing feeling to last a bit longer. He had had the very same thoughts earlier while in his reverie. Both possibilities were infuriatingly instigating and Jinyoung knew they were going to be his doom if he allowed himself to think too much about it.

 Good thing he hadn’t kept revolving around those two things for too long back then, in the bloom of another morning; bad thing it was only because his mind had expanded the range of things he could think about, what prompted them to turn into even lewder and more dangerous ones.

 Sunlight had crept into his room through the blinds on the window, the chirping of birds announcing how early (or late, depending on the point of view) it already was, but Jinyoung couldn’t care much about that once images of Jaebum touching himself whilst reading gay erotica filled his unconsciously very tired mind. What kind of sounds would he make? The ones Jinyoung’s imagination had haphazardly created to fill some gaps in his fantasy didn’t sound very accurate, and neither did the faces of pleasure he deemed as satisfactory enough. They didn’t feel right, and that was frustrating.

 Though doesn’t being as precise as Jinyoung wanted them to be, he had relied on the little he got and soon enough his eyes had drifted close, right hand hesitantly dipping south and slipping past under the hem of his basketball shorts as Jaebum’s smirking face resplended from behind closed eyelids. Because Jinyoung wouldn’t get off to a book; but he pitifully would to Jaebum.

 Maybe it had been a signal from heavens, god finally pitying his suffering and bringing the divine hand of supreme rightness and forgiveness to appease his troubled senses and brush those maddening thoughts away, because as soon as Jinyoung had relaxed enough to do whatever shit he was about to do, his consciousness faded away and he instantly fell into a deep sleep, just like that, with his hand inside his shorts and fingers still not close enough as to reach what they were there to touch.

 Jinyoung had cackled in borderline hysteria as soon as he woke up barely five hours later and remembered. Maybe that’s gone for the best, after all. It’d be even more troublesome if he had gone all the way and was forced to deal with his guilty ass later.

 Ever since he had finished brushing his teeth and bumped into Jaebum in the corridor as they both made their way to the kitchen that Sunday afternoon, though, Jinyoung couldn’t shake off the feeling that somehow Jaebum _freaking_ knew he had started reading that book and almost jerked off to the sight of him. Maybe it’s been the dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep that delated him, maybe Jinyoung was just being paranoid, but whatever it was, he felt so out of sorts in his friend’s presence he wanted to scream and dash back to his room. Fuck the moment he agreed to this insanity.

 The citron tea Jinyoung had been sipping before his mind got lost in reminiscing thoughts came spilling from the corners of his mouth as he chocked in surprise of being caught looking at Jaebum, his following coughing attracting the kind of attention from the others he’s been trying to avoid ever since they greeted each other good morning. As he dismissed a few concerned questions and a soft patting on his back from a cutely worried Jackson with a small smile, he didn’t let it pass unnoticed how there was an annoying smirk pulling at Jaebum’s lips from behind his own mug throughout the whole scene. Jinyoung definitely _hated_ when Jaebum was like that.

 He still wasn’t entirely sure of how he felt about diving into that new universe of erotica, hasn’t had the time to let his reasoning fully develop over that matter, but if there was something he could say with conviction as he glanced at Jaebum once again and the guy smirked wider when their knees bumped together one more time under the granite table, it was that he absolutely didn’t want to discuss what he’s read in that book with Jaebum next week, not even in a trillion years.

 

 Even though Sundays were supposed to have the best TV programming broadcasted on channels since it was most people’s day off and spare time to rest and enjoy some good movies and series, that was in fact the shittiest day to stay at home watching TV. The movies sucked and the episodes of those streaming series the determined channel had rights over were a replay of the ones streamed during the week put into a short marathon. Nothing really worth it.

 Despite of everything, the six of them were still squished together in the pair of sofas arranged in the living room, staring uninterestedly at whatever show was currently being broadcasted on TV while in an entanglement of limbs. Luckily it was a chilly day and Jinyoung didn’t feel the need to push everyone out of him before he either suffocated or sweated like a pig due to the body warmth. They were comfortable like that, looking like a pack of sleepy puppies that were lying down one above the other. Though the TV programming was still bad as fuck.

“Where is Jaebum hyung again?” Yugyeom asked from the other side of the sofa, neck craning to look at Jinyoung from over Bambam’s shoulder. Since Jinyoung and Jaebum fed a relationship from even before their current group was formed, there was this mutual believing that one always knew where the other was and doing what given whatever circumstance to exist, just like they had their minds somehow connected like twins did. Jinyoung never really understood how that worked, their friends’ concept of his and Jaebum’s relationship being one of a married couple, but he wasn’t going to go against the flow and end up being interrogated by the five of them about why he was denying the obvious.

 Shrugging, Jinyoung shifted to rest his chin over the hand he had above the sofa armrest, paying close to no attention to how Jackson complained about the movement from his spot with his head on Jinyoung’s lap. “Probably in his room.”

“Hey, what if we watch a movie?,” Youngjae suddenly chirped when silence followed Jinyoung’s last comment, voice hopeful and cheery with the prospect of something funnier to do in that boring afternoon.

“Aren’t we just trying to?,” it was Jackson the one to say midst a yawn, brow frowning only for the sake of putting some emphasis on his confused speech. Youngjae huffed and then wailed when the cooking show they’ve been watching for about one hour now showed a bow full of sliced cucumbers ready to be seasoned. Why were they even watching it, no one really knew.

“I mean on the DVD Player, stupid,” he replied after a moment and then Jackson was whipping his head up from Jinyoung’s lap with an outraged expression firm in place, eyes bulging in disbelief and exaggerated hurt. Some were already snickering even before Jackson said anything, the expression on his face being enough to draw chuckles around the room.

“How disrespectful of you to speak to your hyung like that, I should just force you to watch this cooking show alone.”

“Don’t go too hard on him,” Mark stepped in, protectively moving his arms around Youngjae and pulling him into a side hug as if to shield him from the scold on the other’s tone, and soon enough Jackson was glaring at him as though he’d just been stabbed in the back, betrayed in the cruelest of ways.

“Yeah, hyung, they’re preparing Sunomono salad today. Don’t be mean.” Bambam joined the defense squad, reaching from across Mark’s legs to place a reassuring hand over Youngjae’s knee, both of them feigning innocence and unawareness to the way Youngjae kept giggling and sticking his tongue out at Jackson from his refuge in Mark’s embrace.

 Jackson looked so offended it could’ve been pitiful if they didn’t know better as to take him seriously in moments like those. There were these tiny freckles of amusement and mischief dotting his irises while a soft, almost imperceptive tug pulled at the corners of his mouth as he pretended to be resentful of the others choosing to take Youngjae’s side, and so everyone knew he was only joking around, but definitely making the most of it. “That’s just why. He must be punished.”

“Enough, ok, no one is watching the cooking show alone,” Jinyoung intervened at last, trying to appease Jackson by carding his fingers through the youngster’s recently dyed chocolate brown hair, meekly coaxing him to calm down once again. Once he felt Jackson purring and leaning on the petting with an elated grin molding his mouth, he smiled fondly and patted his head twice before letting go. “Let’s watch a DVD, go and pick one of your liking.”

 Everyone cheered and climbed off the sofa, gathering around the DVD Player and eagerly going through the DVDs they owned like a bunch of elated kids, the almost bickering from just now long forgotten as Jackson snaked an arm around Youngjae’s waist and rested his head on the guy’s shoulder to watch him going through the set of comedy movies. Jinyoung stretched his relatively sore and tired body while observing the others from the sofa. He was really fond of moments where they just chilled like that.

“What about Jaebum? Is he joining us?” Mark asked and it was only then that Jinyoung noticed how the older guy was still plopped down on the sofa a few meters from him, not having the desire of getting on the floor to search through a good movie for them to watch together because really, he’d be fine with any of it.

 Jinyoung beheld Mark’s serene and awestruck ethereal features a couple of seconds more before giving in and heaving a sigh, knowing how all the five of them would always entrust him the task of dragging Jaebum out of his den since, apparently, Jinyoung was the only person alive capable of doing so. Slowly standing up from his comfortable seat, he stretched once again. “I’ll ask him if he wants to.”

 A nod was everything he got from Mark in response and then he was out the living room and up the corridor leading to the room Jaebum and Jackson shared. There still was some tingly sensation rattling on his skin as he stood in front of the closed door, mind betraying body as he unhelpfully remembered why he had been in embarrassing terms with Jaebum that morning and making him anxious all over again, but he willed himself to calm down.

 He should get over it for god’s sake, he was a grown up man and there was nothing wrong in reading a gay book with his best friend though the latter also happened to be the target of his long time one-sided crush. Details. The point was, he should just man up and face it, face Jaebum, or else he was truly doomed. It was just a book, anyway. It wasn’t like they would be reenacting the things written in there.

 Resigned, he sucked in a shaky breath and then released it, knocking on the door for good measure and only pushing it open when Jaebum’s hum echoed from the inside. Thankfully Jaebum was fully clothed when he walked in, an oversized black shirt and gray sweatpants, and Jinyoung sincerely didn’t know why the thought he would catch Jaebum doing something indecent in there has crossed his mind. Maybe he was a bit too shaken by the inconveniences happening in that erotic book. Probably. Almost certainly.

 Jaebum glanced at him in acknowledge when he stood by the door fiddling with his fingers and he took that as an invitation to give a few more steps inside and speak up, voice slight pitched, “the boys are going to watch a movie, do you wanna join?”

“Um, nah, I’m good. Go ahead.” He replied and went back to his business, and that was, of course, when Jinyoung tragically realized Jaebum had his specs on and held a book above his head with both hands as he lay down in bed. A book whose cover Jinyoung couldn’t peel off of his head since the night before. _Shit_.

 As if sensing Jinyoung had been staring at the book on his hands for more time than he probably should, Jaebum looked on his direction one more time and stared at his face upside down. There was a taunting edge to Jaebum’s features as those catlike eyes watched him from the bed and so Jinyoung _knew_ ; even though the overall expression on his friend’s face was one of calm blankness, he just knew. That’s been a trap since the beginning and he had fallen for it like a clueless duck.

 Because Jaebum knew how the other guys felt about his and Jinyoung’s relationship, he knew that they would always push Jinyoung to go and search for him in case he was missing and they wanted something from him. And he deadass used that for his own advantage, becoming a reclusive in his bedroom so sometime Jinyoung would have to go there check if he were ok and then he’d be casualty reading the fucking book he was aware to cause some mad restless in the younger. Jaebum truly was a dishonest prick, Jinyoung should know that better than anyone else.

 And even so he fell for it so easily, so annoyingly easily it didn’t feel like himself. Jinyoung didn’t feel like himself ever since he read the first hot scene of that book imagining it were him and Jaebum going through that lustful experience of testing the full-erection-and-multiple-orgasms drug instead of the subject guy and the moderator of the story. Didn’t feel like himself ever since he almost masturbated thinking of Jaebum.

 And Jaebum _knew_ it, somehow he just fucking knew it.

 Jinyoung was about to turn around and leave the room since he had already got the response for the question he was supposed to make, red in the face from both embarrassment and anger for being tricked, when the deep voice of Jaebum resonated across the place one more time, “Jinyoung-ah, wait.”

 The worse was that Jinyoung did, he waited. Feet rooted on the ground and breath stuck on his throat. There had been a few rustling sounds of sheets being crumpled and moved around as Jaebum shifted on the bed, but Jinyoung didn’t look so he didn’t know what exactly the other was doing in there. He simply stood by the door, hand clasped around the doorknob.

“You’ve been avoiding me since… since what we talked about yesterday and, uh… I thought it’d be funny, you know, be reading the book when you came to check on me like you always did when I, um, kinda disappeared? It wasn’t supposed to annoy you, I’m sorry.”

 The line of Jinyoung’s shoulders tensed and then slumped in defeat as he drew a long sigh. Things weren’t supposed to turn that way too. He had no right in making Jaebum feel bad and rejected like he now realized the guy did. It hasn’t even been Jaebum’s fault, but well, it hasn’t been Jinyoung’s either. He was just confused and afraid and feeling cornered, no one could be blamed for that; only the unfortunate way the situation had somehow developed itself to be like, if anything. But Jaebum still felt rejected and Jinyoung still blamed himself for being such a bad friend.

 Not that he believed his own to be a bad friend for Jaebum or for anyone else, no; he only judged himself to be a bad friend for Jaebum at that given moment, when he felt so wrecked by his detrimental and buried deep feelings that was unconsciously pushing the companionship he’s built with the man known to be his best friend since a long time ago down the hill.

“We don’t have to read it, you know.” Jaebum was saying again and his voice seemed closer than it did before, just as if he were standing right behind Jinyoung by the bedroom half opened door now. And if Jinyoung hasn’t been so lost in thoughts he would surely have notice that yes, Jaebum was one step away from touching his back and yes, that hand of cute tiny fingers was clutching at the hem of his absurdly huge shirt from the back, tugging at it very lightly in tries to get his attention. That gesture was so endearing and unfair to Jinyoung’s feelings that he felt like crying and crooning at the same time. “If this is making you so uncomfortable like this, we don’t have to. I don’t want to receive a cold shower from you because of that. I want us to be us… like, just us again.”

“I thought we’ve agreed you’d wait for me to catch up before keep reading this shit.” Was everything Jinyoung mumbled out, still doesn’t looking around to get a glimpse of what Jaebum’s expression looked like, but apparently he had said the right thing if the discreet sigh of relief he felt coming from Jaebum after that were something to go by.

 The thing between Jinyoung and Jaebum was that they couldn’t handle being hurt with one another for too long even though they did argue day in day out and bickered just as much as they breathed. Their personas were too different and so they fronted quite frequently due to the discrepancy of their respective points of view. Jaebum was hot-tempered and tended to explode easily, doesn’t minding whether he’s been the one in the wrong. Jinyoung was centered and thoughtful but he could also explode in a split of second to defend his point and hold his ground in the argument.

 Nevertheless, whenever they fought or did something that had clearly upset the other more than it probably should have, there was that instant sense of regret creeping up their minds. They would keep cooking that feeling for a time, even for days, before one of them would go to the other and try some reconciliation. Most of times it was Jinyoung to do it, Jaebum remaining too stubborn and childish when angered to be more sensate, but this time it’s been Jaebum to do it and the funny thing was that they haven’t even really fought this time, neither has it been a day since they started feeling odd and awkward with one another.

 And yet here they were, Jaebum in need of getting them back to good terms and Jinyoung feeling giddy and bubbly because of his friend’s rather rare attitude. It was kind of strange the way they worked, Jinyoung and Jaebum, but they worked nonetheless.

 The tension coming from behind him subsided, but the hand clutching his shirt didn’t withdraw. Jaebum still held the soft material of Jinyoung’s shirt between his short fingers and there was such a docile edge to that touch that Jinyoung found himself blushing even though that hasn’t been the first time they got entangled in such display of dependence and adore. He liked that dynamic he had with Jaebum, that twisted dynamic where they would be bickering in a minute and hugging in the next, healing invisible wounds with sarcastic words instead of cheesy ones. Because they didn’t do cheesy. At least not openly, and definitely not towards each other.

 Jaebum released his grasp on Jinyoung’s cloth and the latter finally turned around, a somewhat whiny and pouty expression coloring his face as he tried to hold in a sheepish smile after watching how sheer fondness shined in Jaebum’s eyes. Yeah, they were good again.

“We did. I am. I was just re-reading the first chapter since I figured you’ve probably went through it last night already and I wanted to know what got you so shook to the point of taking the longest path to the bathroom only to avoid bumping into me along the way.”

 That was true, Jinyoung had went through the trouble of using the farthest bathroom in the dorm even though there was one just across the corridor because he didn’t want to risk meeting Jaebum halfway. In which he actually failed because they ended up bumping into one another in the corridor the same way later when going to the kitchen to have breakfast. Now that showed how stupid he’s been.

“You’d really want to know.” Jinyoung teased, a crooked smile molding his lips, but on the inside he wasn’t even a bit as confident about that subject as he made himself look like on the outside. He was a good actor, but not much when around Jaebum.

 And his friend’s ability to read right through him was really dope, he must admit it, because then Jaebum was already shooting him that damned trademark smirk again, clearly seeing the holes in his façade. He gulped, bracing himself for what was about to come when Jaebum opened up his mouth to speak.

“Actually, I think I already do. I bet there’s something to do with how the moderator showed the subject guy how that fleshlight toy that mimicked the feeling of being inside an anal opening worked.”

“Jaebum!,” the whine that erupted from his throat and out his peachy mouth came midst a strangled sound of suffering that caused Jaebum to burst out laughing even though he tried to keep it inside. Jinyoung punched him in the chest, and it might have hurt because Jaebum groaned and curled himself a bit in a knee-jerking movement, but the elated laughter shaking his stomach didn’t fade.

 The worst was that _yeah_ , that scene has been stuck in Jinyoung’s mind like it’d been engraved in there since last night, his traitorous mind building castles in clouds in the most wrong ways possible.

“Alright, alright, I stopped,” there still was a breathy edge to Jaebum’s voice as he willed himself to stop laughing, soft hiccups of chuckles leaving his mouth every once in a while. Jinyoung rolled his eyes, trying his hardest to don’t mind the shameful blush that still tainted his cheeks. “Anyway, did you say the kids were gonna watch a movie?”

“Yeah, there were cucumbers on TV and Youngjae suggested us to watch a movie together. Mark asked me if you were to join us and I came to check.”

“What movie is that?” Worn socks swept over the linoleum floor as Jaebum dragged his feet across the room and back to his bed, mindful enough to pick up from the floor one of Jackson’s souvenirs from their last show abroad and place it back over the bedside table. Their shared bedroom looked more like an after-hurricane place than anything else. Not that either Jackson or Jaebum minded it anyway.

 Jinyoung shrugged by the door, which was now fully open as he got ready to leave, only waiting on Jaebum in case he would go along and watch the movie together with everyone else. “Dunno. I left them choosing.”

“It’ll be a boring one then.” Jaebum deadpanned and released a soft chuckle when Jinyoung glared at him. He picked up the book he’d been reading before from the bed and slipped it under the pillow, smoothing the flower-patterned blankets on the mattress to then pull them all the way over it. Stretching his body while moaning softly at the pleasant straining of his muscles, Jaebum acquiesced. “Fine, I’m in. You can go putting the movie on already, I’ll just pee real quick and then I’ll join you.”

 Jinyoung simply gave him a nod of understanding but Jaebum could see how happy the other actually was to have him joining them, and a sincere smile bowed his own lips upwards right after Jinyoung walked out of the room with the low click of the door closing behind his back announcing his leave.

 

 When the movie the seven of them had been watching for the past two hours ended, Jinyoung was already profoundly asleep in the sofa. Maybe it’s been his exhaustion from not sleeping that well the past night that knocked him down that easily, or maybe it’s been the movie that _goddamn_ sucked in every aspect possible and failed miserably at getting a grasp of his interest and so his subconscious decided that it was better to take a nap than watch it until the end. All in all, he did sleep in there and his head somehow did end up using Jaebum’s shoulder as a pillow. Without his consent, of course.

 Jaebum didn’t mind it a single bit when he felt the weight of Jinyoung’s head slowly sliding across the sofa backrest and then resting over his left shoulder. In fact, he felt so endeared by both that sight and scene that he couldn’t bring himself to pay more attention to the movie anymore. Well, the movie was a crap anyway. That was an unspoken general agreement.

 Everyone looked a bit out of it when he glanced around, Mark and Youngjae soundlessly asleep just like Jinyoung did and the other three still looking at the TV with a hazy but indignant expression on their sleepy faces, apparently not believing in the closure of the movie. Jackson would mumble a frustrated ‘what’s that?’ every now and again before hitting Bambam and Yugyeom since they had been the ones to chose what movie they would be watching that Sunday. They would try to argue back but their argument lacked and so Jackson would hit them harder, whining something about the fun of his day off being screwed because of them. Jaebum simply watched it, observant as always, but his attention would occasionally draw back to the evened breathing that tickled his collarbone from above the oversized shirt he wore.

 Eventually the others stood up and greeted him goodnight before shuffling their way along the corridor and back to their respective bedrooms, even Mark and Youngjae waking up midst Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom’s arguing and deciding to draw away to their rooms as well. Jaebum sent them off with a fond smile and wave of hand, wishing everyone a good rest and then Jinyoung and he were the only ones left in the living room.

 He didn’t have the courage to wake Jinyoung up and send him to his room. More like he didn’t have the willingness to. Jinyoung looked so comfortable all curled up by his side that something on his chest tightened with the mere thought of sweeping that serene feeling off of him. No, Jaebum wouldn’t wake Jinyoung up; didn’t want to.

 It’s been such a pleasant surprise for him when Jinyoung accepted his proposal of reading that erotic book together. Not even in his wildest dreams he had actually hoped for Jinyoung to agree, given the absurdity and unlikeness of the whole request. He knew he’d be asking too much and god knew how much he’d been trying to hold himself back, but that night, last night, it was like he’d suffocate if he didn’t share that desire of his with his friend.

 Jaebum liked to read and he liked even more to share thoughts about the book he read with someone who shared from his passion, but he had to be true to himself and admit that that wasn’t the only motive for his sudden want to discuss about that book genre with Jinyoung. Though no one needed to know the true motive behind that whole scheme, at least not until he became sure of said motive himself and accepted it with an open mind and heart.

 A tired sigh left his mouth, chest heaving, but his body stilled as soon as he felt Jinyoung shifting by his side, clearly unpleased by the movement. He regarded the younger tenderly at that moment, one hand reaching um to brush a few strands of raven hair away from those beautiful closed eyes. Jaebum loved the texture of Jinyoung’s hair, loved how smooth and soft it felt on his touch. Sometimes they joked about how Jinyoung should hurry up and dye his hair a different color so he wouldn’t be the only one who never did so, but Jaebum secretly wished that wouldn’t happen just as soon. Because he loved the color of Jinyoung’s hair, and that dark shade of brown had already become his favorite in the whole world.

 The Menu screen of the DVD they watched still displayed on TV and its faint red brightness painted smooth patterns on Jinyoung’s peaceful face as though it were a plain canvas. The living room looked enchanting in its dimness of shadowy surroundings, the ambient giving a feel of romance and gloominess Jaebum wasn’t very fond of but somehow grew to be quite familiar with. Jinyoung looked so innocent and unconcerned under that bewitchery lighting. Jaebum couldn’t help but sadden at that view, the reason of why still presenting itself blurrily to his mind even though he were already slight aware of the inner turmoil of conflicting feelings that eradicated from his heart to spread all over his skin and bones.

 He knew he should just appreciate his friend’s company and revel the moments they created together, but somehow, by watching Jinyoung being so effortlessly ethereal whilst leaned over his shoulder and breathing rhythmically just as though he felt truly safe and sound in his presence, Jaebum’s chest hurt.

 As if on cue, Jinyoung stiffened and his eyes fluttered open right when Jaebum tried to move his head away from his shoulder and up the sofa backrest so he could stand up and leave. It wasn’t like Jinyoung was awake, because really, he wasn’t. He was in that stage of sleep where he’s crawled to such a deep slumber that he wouldn’t be able to recall what he had done even if he woke up somewhere along the line, just like what happened to sleepwalkers. Jaebum had once read an online article about stages of sleep so he became that knowledgeable about the matter as to know right away whether Jinyoung was fully awake. And at that time, he apparently wasn’t.

  A sleepy whine erupted from his pouting mouth and he draped one arm over the expanse of Jaebum’s chest to still him in place when he tried to move again, too drowsy to sense how the other’s breath hitched at the hinting possessive and adorably clingy act. “Don’go.”

“You’ll get a stiff neck if we stay like this, Jinyoungie.” Jaebum soothed and it was just as though he were talking to a small child, Jinyoung humming softly at the nickname but still unwilling to let go. “I’ll put you in bed if you want me to, but it’s not really favorable for us to sleep in here like this.”

“Don’wanna. It’s cold in my bed. You’re warmy. I wanna stay here with you.”

 Jaebum cleared his throat in the most awkward and quiet way he could, stomach churning and flipping with unexpressed happiness, strong elation and something more he couldn’t quite put a finger on, something way deeper than those common feelings of adore he was ok with admitting to himself.

 The double meaning that _you’re warmy_ and _I wanna stay here with you_ shit could have was getting into him like a needle, keen edge piercing at his skin and prickling his muscle as it unloaded some hot content to mix with his blood. He felt his heart racing for a minute but he soon willed it to slow down because really, Jinyoung wasn’t even aware of the things he was saying. Damn, he was still cutely asleep just like a very tired and sleepwalking kid. He might have just said those things in the most innocent way possible and here Jaebum was, pitifully assuming implied flirting contexts for his own delight. Sincerely, it felt like he was going mad.

 Jinyoung now watched him from under long eyelashes, look glossy from sleepiness and half-lidded eyes blinking very slowly and lazily from time to time, and Jaebum shifted on his spot rather uncomfortably whilst looking away. “Um, there’s my back too, like, it isn’t that healed, you know.”

“Your back?” Jinyoung’s expression darkened slightly, tons of concern and anxious blending with his dizzy state of slumber. Craning his neck to peer at Jaebum’s face more closely, he pouted and frowned in apprehension when the older between them two nodded, confirming. “Whatta ‘bout your back? Does it still hurt?”

“Sometimes it stings. I guess the muscle is still a bit strained after all.”

“You never told me that.” Came the accusing mumble and _god_ he looked so hurt saying that, hurt as in grounds of grieving the fact Jaebum didn’t trust him enough to share his problems and pains and worries anymore and it being more painful than anything else.

 At that moment, illuminated by the red glow coming from the screen, Jinyoung looked just as though he’d been punched, and Jaebum instantly waved his hands in front of his chest as if the gesture would make that expression to vanish from the other’s sorrowful face. “It’s nothing, really. Don’t worry, ah, shit, I just don’t want to risk sleeping in the sofa and waking up all sore and moody because of that. Stop making that face, _please_ , you’re freaking me out, stop.”

“Then we can perfectly sleep in here, just put some pillows behind your back and we’re good. I can handle your foul temper tomorrow morning.” And then Jinyoung was all over him again, face smiling and arms tightening around Jaebum’s sides while his head came to rest over the broad chest. Jaebum blinked one, twice, blinked third times become realization hit him. Damn the moment Jinyoung got entrusted those acting skills of him. He acted well even when half awake.

 But Jaebum was thankful; thankful that painful expression was now off his face and a healthy, borderline childish grin colored his features along the brightness of the TV. Of course, he could still feel the tense line of Jinyoung’s shoulders as he encircled an arm around him in order to get them both more comfortable on the sofa, and he knew it was because of what he’d said about his back still hurting. And he appreciated it, that overprotective care Jinyoung still nourished towards him even after all these years. He felt taken care of, and that was beyond endearing.

 Jaebum was thankful for having Jinyoung by his side.

 And was with this kind of thought in mind that Jaebum shut his eyes, snorting at his friend’s wittiness one last time before allowing his brain to rest. Soon enough he was dozing off with forms and shapes spiraling in the darkness proportioned by his closed eyelids. And after ten minutes breathing calmly and spacing out Jaebum finally fell asleep, on the hard sofa and in Jinyoung’s secure embrace.

 Interesting how if he had stayed up for only two more minutes he would have witnessed how Jinyoung regarded him with that same apprehensive look from before, eyes sharp and heavy with something else, and then kept slipping a few more soft and comfy pillows behind his back for good measure.

 

 Before Jinyoung could fully register and accept, it was already Friday night.

 The week had practically flown by, their packed schedules working flawlessly in distracting Jinyoung from his upcoming doom, because yes, he was doomed, and it was all Jaebum’s fault. Nagging about how he should have declined that hell of request from his friend apparently was Jinyoung’s new favorite thing to do since that’s been everything he’s done for the past couple of days whenever he remembered, very briefly and superfluously, why Jaebum couldn’t look at him for more than five seconds without smirking in amusement. Crap, his heart couldn’t stop racing every now and then.

 It was a day before the deadline stipulated by Jaebum in regards of which chapter Jinyoung should read until they were in the same page and could talk about what has happened in the story so far, and so Jinyoung still hasn’t summoned up enough courage as to read the third chapter and accomplish it. Their schedule for that week had been merciless, day after day traveling around and performing here and there for the sake of the fans that screamed their names as though the seven of them were their princes in shining armors and all-time saviors, but the motive behind Jinyoung’s reluctance in keeping reading the book didn’t have much to do with physical exhaustion. Of course, he was dead tired after those sequential days working his ass off, but it wasn’t _just_ that.

 Jinyoung was procrastinating to finish the settled passage of that book because he somehow sensed something was off with that third chapter. Jaebum wouldn’t ask him to stop there and wait for them to discuss about it first if the scene didn’t have a proper closure with something bombastic in between, would he? No, Jinyoung didn’t think so. There’s something else, something way more powerful in there, and Jaebum wanted to know his opinion about that before they could move on with the story.

 Maybe he expected Jinyoung to back away after reading the third chapter and therefore was so cautious like that? Well wouldn’t that make Jaebum the hell of a hypocrite, then? Because _god,_ Jinyoung has wanted to back off ever since the beginning of it and yet there he was, playing along and tiptoeing over the edge of his self-control and holy sanity. If he wanted to worry about Jinyoung calling that whole thing off, he should have done it way sooner in the week. Something smelled fishy, he was sure about that, and it just made his stomach howl with anticipation and devastating anxiety.

 Somehow that pondering of whether Jaebum awaited a desistence from him kind of spiked his fighting spirit up and motivated his stubbornness to push him forward and make him finally read the chapter of the book that he’d been consciously avoiding until then, and that was exactly why Jinyoung found himself curled up on the bed with his notebook resting stiffly over his blanketed lap.

 Some accusingly late hour from deep in the dawn displayed in the small digital clock placed over the nightstand as everything swam in sheer silence inside the bedroom, and there was nothing much to be heard in there besides the heavy sound of Jinyoung’s own breathing echoing against the walls. One particular document faced him through the notebook screen, looking as intimidating and challenging as Jinyoung already knew it to be, and after a few more seconds wondering if that was the right choice, he gave up and clicked it open with some remnants of reluctance still trailing behind the movement of his fingers.

 And as soon as Jinyoung read the first paragraph of the third chapter he knew why Jaebum craved so damn much to get him to discuss about it with him later. The subject guy and the moderator were finally doing it, no more toys and foreplays and one-sided masturbation; now both of them were into it, and the chapter took off with them throwing the last straw of their self-restraints out the window and making out desperately. Jinyoung nearly sobbed reading the heated narration of how their tongues slid together.

 If it had stopped in the hot kisses and intimate caresses above a likewise couch in the examination room, Jinyoung would have been actually ok with that, but it didn’t and he somehow knew it wouldn’t. Therefore it hasn’t been a startling surprise when the couple was already naked and grinding down on each other when Jinyoung scrolled down to the next page.

 The sex scene was steamy and hot, demure but indubitably inciting, and so incredibly detailed that Jinyoung found himself gasping midst shallow taking of breaths, too engrossed in the scene to actually remember how he should have been treating it warily since Jaebum made such a fuss of him stopping right in that chapter so they could talk about it. Jinyoung has once read somewhere that the more aroused the person was, the less they’re grossed out by… well, pretty much anything, and so he felt safe to assume that the same worked as for his alertness regarding the matter. He was nearly panting at the moment, so it was kind of understandable how his previous concern about Jaebum’s hidden intentions was already buried deep somewhere beneath the corrosive longing building up inside his guts by now.

 Once Jinyoung reached the end of the third chapter, the blankets he used to cover his legs were already pooling down onto the floor and his lower half was exposed to the somewhat sultry air of his bedroom, skin too hot to keep covered by layers of cotton. The moderator and the subject had climbed into their climaxes together and the last sentence was about how they had agreed on going out together in a date after that whole experience. Jinyoung would have found that cute if he weren’t so worked up by the stimulating narration of how the characters had gotten each other off by doing the most indecent stuff.

 Sporting a shameful hard-on and shifting uncomfortably over the bed where he stood, Jinyoung cautiously pushed the notebook aside and reclined further, catching both the pillow and the headboard with the planes of his back in the process of leaning back. The creamy brightness coming from the notebook screen produced shades all around the room, the contrast of its glacial clarity looking pure over the natural darkness embedded in the place by the lack of other sources of electric power. Jinyoung stared at the ceiling in a somewhat dazed state, trying to assimilate what he had just read and how he truly felt about it, and that was when his traitor brain drifted to Jaebum again.

 Tomorrow he’d be discussing the book with Jaebum, and even though he’d always been eager and anticipating for their weekly gatherings, now, right now, he could only feel unsure and fearful. Things were getting out of hand already, he could just tell so by the way his fingers trailed down over his t-shirt and past the hem of his shorts fleetingly, and he knew it’d be hard to hide these kinds of fluttering feelings from Jaebum it they were to talk about erotica for real. Of course, lying was an option and being pretty vague and not really talking much about the matter could work just as fine too, but Jinyoung felt bad in mistreating something that was clearly so important for Jaebum just like that.

 A voice in his head screamed for him to lie, to save himself, and maybe this have been the same voice that had once pleaded him to decline Jaebum’s offer when he could, but then there was this other half of his conscious whispering soothing words inside his head and assuring him that, if he kept true to himself and to the situation, everything would be alright. Once again, he chose to listen to the voice which most suited his deepest desires and cheesy little feelings. The consequences be damned, he could find a way to deal with them later if they ever shown themselves to be really bad or complicated. But later, not now. Later.

 With resolution filling his good judgment and past credence of holding himself back being the better way to handle things long gone and pushed down the hill, Jinyoung allowed his hand to shuffle a bit more under the black briefs that hugged his waist and bit his lip when coldness wrapped around his pulsing shift, flinching lightly still. It’s been a long time since he last touched himself so the feeling at first seated awkwardly in the pit of his stomach; unfamiliar, foreign, unusual.

 The oddness of that (commonly considered) sinful act quickly faded away, though; the mental image of Jaebum gazing heatedly at him with those catlike eyes that held such delicious promises in its depths making it slight better. The pace of his hand increased considerably when he imagined it being that hand of short fingers pumping him instead of his own as those long minutes dragged by in breathless huffs, fingers moving more avidly every now and again until there were mostly sloppy tugs being delivered to his pulsing erection in borderline desperation, teasing and beckoning the spring of a so awaited orgasm. Almost there, almost, _almost_.

 Jinyoung faintly remembered how he had dozed off and fell asleep midst reaching down to touch himself the last time. And as his body arched slightly to form a thrilled bow off the bed and his face scrunched up in staggering pleasure, he hazily reveled in the fact that this time he didn’t.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I didn’t expect Jinyoung to be so uncertain and afraid and whiny and to get so out of sorts regarding this whole matter wtffff I expected him to be more centered like accepting everything just like that but the man spent this almost 9k chapter being conflicted lolll ah, I don’t control him.
> 
> Umm, I guess the chapters will keep going at this length, tho. Maybe the updates will take a little longer to come but uh yeah. Anyway thank you to everyone who is reading this and being so supportive omg really thank you :D see you next time~


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking 12,5k words for this chapter, I just. Things went out of control.   
> lol anywayyy take your time to read it comfortably, and enjoy :)

 

 

 It’s been incredibly difficult to pretend nothing happened the next day, to pretend he hadn’t just shamelessly jerked off to the mental image of Jaebum smirking at him in the darkness of his bedroom. Well, Jinyoung hadn’t really hoped for it to be easy; he knew guiltiness would keep eating him alive when he woke up all prickly and rattling due to the feeling of being washed by an orgasm after so much time without doing it.

 The thing was, he didn’t think he’d feel like throwing up in indiscernible nervousness every time his dark eyes wandered around to catch a glimpse of Jaebum picking several packs of potato chips from the tallest shelf and hopping back to place them unceremoniously inside their cart. Jinyoung literally felt sick.

 And, of course, Jaebum noticed something was off and kept cornering him in seek of answers and explanations as they coursed through the snacks section in the supermarket. There was no way in hell Jinyoung would say the truth, at least not until it became inevitable and definitely not in public, so he would always dodge those questions by commenting how they should hurry and go back home before it rained. The sky looked darker and heavier than it should for an afternoon, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but marvel at how perfectly the weather matched his mood right now, all gloomy and stormy.

 Overdramatic wasn’t a word Jinyoung would ever consider to fit himself, but truth be told, there wasn’t a better word to describe his actions for the past few days. He was totally into it, overreacting to every little thing that had something to do with Jaebum, and really, even himself was getting annoyed and fed up with his own insecurity bullshit already. Not that feeling like that would change anything or make it better, anyway. He just felt that it was enough for his anxiety outburst.

 Good thing they’d be discussing the book later today; this way his anxiety would subside and his nerves would calm down as soon as they began talking and got that out of their systems, just like happens whenever they have a very important performance and keep getting nervous and sensitive and prickly the whole preceding week. At least Jinyoung hoped so.

 Once they finished grocery shopping, each picked an amount of few plastic bags and headed home straight away, having to run down the block sometime since heavy droplets of water started falling from the apathetic sky. Luckily they didn’t get too drenched before arriving in the dorm, heavy bags being unceremoniously dropped by the door midst their stepping out of soaked shoes, but Jaebum still insisted for them to take a hot shower in order not to get sick afterwards, and Jinyoung wouldn’t be the one to complain once his bones ached with cold already.

 There was a time back then, a time placed in the very beginning of everything, even before their duo project debut nearly five years ago, a time where Jinyoung and Jaebum would take showers together and don’t make a big deal of it. They were friends and there was only one bathroom in the shitty place they shared and their schedules frequently demanded of them to be up and about at the same time, so in order to conceal their allowed time to get ready and the shitty features of the small room the company presented them with, the most appealing idea was for the two of them to do everything as though they were one.

 Maybe that’s why their dynamic and chemistry was so good nowadays. Their other friends usually told them how they seemed to be in perfect syntony always, working as a powerful couple of linked minds, and well, wasn’t it understandable for them to be just like that? Jaebum and he had educated themselves to behave as the missing parts in each other. What lacked in Jinyoung Jaebum was there to make up for, and in the fields Jaebum was a complete mule Jinyoung effortlessly aced. They had grown to be the fantastic due everyone hoped them to be when they first debuted, and even though they didn’t remain as only a duo for too long, the fruit of their self-education was still there, in them and for them.

 There’s a saying that states that old habits die hard, because they’re old, and they’re habits. And maybe the dynamic with Jaebum was just that after all, an old habit, bluntly acquired from tough days of struggle. But Jinyoung couldn’t help but think otherwise, couldn’t help but believe that they were more than that. Even if, in fact, they weren’t.

 When their other five new friends joined and they all moved to a bigger though equally lacking place, Jinyoung and Jaebum stopped showering together for the sake of tradition balance and everything else. It’s been better like that, Jinyoung could see it clearly now, because if they had kept up that habit of sharing baths and sometimes even scrubbing each other’s backs with the water running suggestively hot on them, the secret crush Jinyoung had on Jaebum would’ve been blown up ages ago and their long-time friendship wouldn’t be a… well, friendship, anymore.

 Things were good the way they were. They weren’t great or wonderful or incredible, but they were good. And that was enough, it’s actually alright; it was better being something good than being nothing at all.

 Jaebum did have let him know he was going to take a shower first a few minutes after they had arrived, but Jinyoung’s brain was so full of thoughts right then that it only registered the information in full when Jaebum was already coming back through the corridor with his wet hair sticking to random directions and a towel in hand.

 Jaebum was frowning at him, maybe because Jinyoung had spent the whole time rooted to his spot at the entrance staring off at the plastic bags as he immersed himself in thoughts, but no one could ever deny how denser and deeper Jinyoung’s own frown was when he looked back at his friend and noticed that, although Jaebum did have a white towel clutched between his fingers, there was absolutely none around his waist.

 Considering how Jinyoung has seen Jaebum naked too many times already for the past over six years they knew each other, he was kind of expected to be totally used to it by now, unamused and unaffected to the least. Reality was a bitch, though. There was absolutely no way he could stop the flushing red of his cheeks and the accusing movement from up to down and then away of his eyes whenever something like that happened.

 And just as Jinyoung’s reaction has been the same throughout the years, Jaebum’s did so too and his trademark smirk was right in place when Jinyoung pursed his lips and forced himself to look back at the naked idiot practically posing in front of him. “What, did we turn into nudists now?”

“Nudists, no. Exhibitionists, maybe. And _we_ didn’t, baby boy, you’re still clothed.”

“You’re spending too much time with Bambam and Yugyeom, seriously.” Came the failed attempt of scold, Jinyoung struggling to push the fluttering feeling of being called by that pet name so suddenly to the back of his mind. “What next? Are you storming into my room fully naked to dance to girlgroups songs, too?”

“Hell no. I don’t suit girlgroups songs, it’d be more like me b-boying naked in your room.”

“Oh, shut up.” Jinyoung choked a laugh and then brought one hand up to cover his whiskery smile as in the habit he had, Jaebum reaching up just in time to hold his wrist and pull the intruding hand down so he could fully appreciate the tiny crinkles around both his stretching lips and narrowing eyes. Jinyoung’s sincere smile was so ethereal and dazzlingly beautiful, Jaebum didn’t know why he had developed the habit of hiding it behind one hand every time he laughed. It was strangely charming somehow, though.

“Go take your shower, Jinyoung-ah. You’re trembling from cold.” Jaebum said before letting Jinyoung’s wrist go and flashing him a docile smile, turning around to go back to his room and for god’s sake put some clothes on.

 Jinyoung didn’t do much besides humming in understanding and shamelessly staring at how perky Jaebum’s butt was. Yes, he was trembling, muscles shaking underneath gelid skin, but now, right now, he wasn’t that sure it was entirely from the rain that showered him on his way home.

 Making his way to the bathroom which still had its lights on and some warm fog dancing in the air from the hot shower taken not too long ago in there, Jinyoung randomly thought about how uncomfortable it was for him when one of the seven of them forgot to bring a towel along when washing up, and had to dash all the way back to their bedrooms to pick one from their wardrobes, all along dripping wet and naked. He also thought about how, despite totally having a towel in hands, Jaebum still went through the trouble of appearing in all his glory in front of Jinyoung, and Jinyoung only, when he could have perfectly avoided it.

 At some point between stripping into bareness and stepping inside the shower stall, the revealing thought that _maybe_ Jaebum _did_ want to show off his body to him at that moment in the corridor occurred to him and left him gasping under the soft stream of running water, his body heat increasing ten times as great and definitely not from the flow that washed his skin clean.  


 And the thought had lingered throughout nightfall, Jinyoung growing restless once the born of another night announced as well the irrevocably arrival of another book date for Jaebum and he. Bottles of soju occupied the wooden center table in the living room as usual, the only difference in scenery sticking to the way the snacks they’ve bought earlier were now put into a round bow instead of being kept in their respective packs. Jinyoung wanted to mix all those flavored potato chips for once and see how they tasted like if eaten altogether, and Jaebum didn’t oppose to the idea of trying.

 The guys were out again, like they supposed to, but this time they decided that they wouldn’t get rottenly drunk in some nearby pub and were going to the cinema instead. There was this movie Mark wanted to watch but refused to go and watch it alone, so since the others were already seeking a change in their routine of partying every Saturday night and staying in wasn’t a valid option once the Boring Club (like Yugyeom called them when thinking they weren’t around to listen) was having a gathering, they decided to go together and have some fun in there.

 It had been quite tiresome, searching up a discreet place where they wouldn’t be recognized and approached by a hundred thousand of fans dying to take pictures of them, but somehow they managed to succeed and soon were galloping their way out the dorm, wishing the two remaining boys a good night before closing the door after them.

 Even though it was still raining outside the building, the atmosphere there inside the dorm was warm and cozy, so Jinyoung didn’t feel the need to dress up too heavily. Large shirt and sweatpants would go just fine with that mild weather, and he wouldn’t feel that self-conscious if his leg ever brushed against Jaebum’s bare knee when they sat together.

 Because yeah, Jaebum decided he’d be wearing shorts tonight, and Jinyoung sincerely couldn’t bring himself to get angry at him because god did the man look really good in them, and well they matched the sleeveless shirt he wore, making everything look casual and mesmerizing at the same time. But again, when haven’t Jaebum look maddeningly great in Jinyoung’s eyes?

“So…,” Jaebum said as he settled down over the carpeted floor like usual, his favorite spot to stand being around the center table for some reason Jinyoung didn’t find the need of questioning about. Jinyoung straightened his back but it was in an automatic, knee-jerking movement, an unconscious gesture of anxiety and unspoken eagerness, and noticing this Jaebum did his best to hide the amused smile that threatened to break through his pursing lips. Jinyoung behaved really cute when he was nervous and anticipating at the same time. “Should we start?”

“You first!,” Jinyoung was quick to respond, actually a bit _too_ quick but whatever, and every tense line of his body hinted how unwilling of initiating the talk about that matter he was, so Jaebum couldn’t help but chuckle at all that fuzz the guy was making over the subject they’d be discussing. Jinyoung bit onto his lower lip, breathing inside out and reprehending himself mentally for being so easily readable to Jaebum. “I mean, you should talk first. You recommended the book so, you first.”

“Alright, then. Hmm, how should we talk about this?”

“Um, I don’t know…”

“No, it wasn’t– I was talking to myself. Like, thinking out loud.”

“Oh? Oh ok, so go ahead. Go on.” There were some awkward giggles as Jinyoung vaguely waved a hand in front of his face, heat creeping up his neck to the cheeks in embarrassment.

 Jaebum glanced at him, sparing one breathtaking grin at his oddness before coming back to play with the neck of one of those green bottles of soju dripping condensation over the mahogany surface. That surely would leave an awful water mark over the wood, but the table was already old and pretty worn out so whatever.

“Did you finish all the three chapters?”

“I did.” He nodded, feeling proud of himself for sticking to the deadline and making it work. “I finished reading the third one last night, actually.”

“And what did you think about the story?”

 Jinyoung pursed his lips, thoughtful. “I don’t think there has been much of a story so far? I mean, the first chapters are all about a single encounter, right? There isn’t much to make an opinion about that already.”

“The characters? Any insight on them?”

“The same, I guess? Their personalities weren’t really portrayed yet, didn’t have much place in the story. Since the first chapters were mostly about sex, it’s hard to faithfully assume something about them.”

“Oh, is that so?,” Jaebum both looked and sounded disappointed somehow, head nodding in understanding but downcast eyes lingering on the uncapped bottleneck between his fingers.

 Jinyoung nearly gasped at that image of Jaebum, scolding his own mind for formulating such dismissive and borderline judgmental words just like that and just that soon in their discussion, so he rushed himself to speak again, clumsy tripping on his own words as he tried to make them flow out coherently and more subtle this time around.

“But,” he tried, voice coming out a bit strangled in tone, “but the genre, I found it so interesting. Not just for the erotica but, well, for it being about men? Like, with each other? It was pleasingly different, a refreshing change from the usual books we see out there.”

 Jaebum looked up to stare back at him, gaze wary but focused nonetheless, possibly waiting, expecting him to continue with whatever he was saying. Jinyoung felt self-conscious then, overwhelmed with the attention, and a soft tint of pale pink brushed over his cheeks. Taking in a calming breath, he forced himself to speak up again.

“It was my first time so, uh, I was caught a bit off guard when I read it thoroughly the first night. I’m still pretty much tense about this whole matter because really, don’t you find it too suggestive? Ah, anyway. I liked it. Though there hasn’t been much of the story yet, it seems promising and I guess it’ll turn even more fun in the next chapters. I liked it.”

“Suggestive, you said?,” Jaebum suddenly said when Jinyoung ended his speedy rambling with a long sigh, dangerously dark eyes now squinting slightly while still locked with the pair of slight widened ones that looked back in apprehension. Maybe Jinyoung had gone over the edge during his nervous blurting out, letting some unintended things to slip away and cause a mess. Shit. “How so?”

“I don’t know, I… did I really say suggestive? I was kind of vomiting word after word so I didn’t really know what I was saying, umm.”

“Did you feel somewhat tempted in doing something related to that matter while reading the book? That’s what you meant? You said you found it interesting for the erotica thing being done between men. Did you find the idea of two guys getting engaged in such sexual things suggestive so you were a bit shaken up by the whole prompt? Did you find it suggestive because we’re also two guys and we’re reading this kind of book together?”

 Jinyoung felt so suddenly sick after hearing that waterfall of assumptions Jaebum had made of his clumsy ramble about how his personal impression of the erotic book they were reading had been, he even choked up on his own saliva and started coughing like mad as though something had gotten stuck on his throat, this something probably being his own pride.

 Things weren’t going as bad as Jinyoung has thought they would, they definitely were going worse. It was kind of like a snowball turning into an avalanche as it rolled down and down the mountain, the proportions of it causing devastating damages to who stood by the bottom of the hill.

 And it was Jinyoung, standing by the very bottom and watching the large amount of sliding snow getting each time closer with a certain sardonic amusement rampaging inside his chest. Funny how he has been also the one who gave the snowball at the top of the mountain a little push and made it all storm down.

 Something told him the sliding snow in this whole metaphor actually represented Jaebum (better said the influence he had over Jinyoung) which just kept getting bigger and bigger until it hit the end and crushed Jinyoung in the worst way possible. Even funnier how Jinyoung was in fact anticipating this moment where he’d be wrecked by Jaebum more than anything else.

 Nevertheless, things were still going bad and the defenses Jinyoung had built up against letting his friend know how emotionally shaken he truthfully was in regards of discussing about sex between men with the man he secretly wanted to have sex with were horribly crumbling down. Of course, there wasn’t how Jaebum could have noticed about Jinyoung’s secret crush on him with just that piece of information and annoyingly accurate assumptions, but he definitely got the hints Jinyoung was at least interested in the matter enough as to consider doing it with someone.

 If only Jaebum knew how much consideration Jinyoung had put into it the night before as he jerked off thinking about the older between them two in the confinement of his bedroom.

 Since Jaebum’s assumptions had hit really close to home and Jinyoung didn’t expect to be read that easily and fast just yet, he was at an embarrassing loss of words when Jaebum raised an eyebrow at him from the spot he occupied on the floor, clearly awaiting an reply Jinyoung wasn’t even near to give.

 There were hands clawing at his stomach as he stared dumbfounded at Jaebum, guts contracting and making it upset with dread, but then something occurred to him and fuck it if he didn’t feel the stupidest person in the world for not noticing such thing earlier.

 The realization of how letting Jaebum know that yes, he did feel tempted to do those things made explicit in the book with someone from the same sex as him and yes, he did find it suggestive because the two of them were reading that shit together, didn’t exactly have anything to do with exposing his one-sided love for his long-time friend and groupmate was, to say the least, mind-blowing.

 All this time he’d been agonizing over the subject because, somehow, discussing it implied the discover of his feelings towards Jaebum and everything they had would be lost once the older would feel nothing besides repulse towards him and his stupid gay feelings in response. But never, not even once, has Jinyoung actually considered the fact that, assuming he was ok with having that kind of experience with another man, didn’t really meant this other man was Jaebum. That only meant Jinyoung was bisexual, in the most alarming of the ways. The part where he was _only_ bisexual _for_ Jaebum could never be fished out from his words just like that.

 It felt as though a weight of a thousand suns was taken off his shoulders when the realization sunk in along with a giant wave of wonderstruck relief. Jinyoung even let out a shaky chuckle from sheer relaxation, what caused Jaebum to produce a soft frown on his forehead by lowering his naturally looking clean eyebrows in confusion, totally clueless of why Jinyoung suddenly shifted from sullen to extremely elated.

“Yes?” Jinyoung’s answer came after what felt like an eternity, a bit breathy and pitched since he was still feeling godly overwhelmed, and he even leaned further to pick a bottle from the table and gulp half of it down just as if he’d been terribly thirsty all this time.

“Yes for which part?”

“All of them, I guess? You’re really good assuming things, hyung.”

“So, you’re saying…,” Jaebum trailed off, doing a rotating movement with his hands as if gesturing Jinyoung to continue and confirm the entire thing, what actually caused the younger to roll his eyes in impatience because really, what else was there for him to say? Hasn’t he just kind of indirectly confessed all the assumptions Jaebum had done previously? Jaebum wanted him to say it out loud and with every fucking word, apparently. Jinyoung just couldn’t get a grasp on why.

 With another gulp from his drink, he shrugged. “Ah, hyung, don’t act so surprised like that. You have a really sharp thinking, we both know that. You surely have noticed something was off, or maybe just a little bit different the whole time, didn’t you?”

 Jaebum remained silent, countenance closed off in deep thinking and furrowed brow signaling how he was currently letting Jinyoung’s words sink in along with its meanings. Jinyoung glanced at his friend seated on the carpet and chewed at his inner cheeks in nervousness while deciding what to say next, opting to go on with that detached speech he’d been giving for the past moments despite his prickling self.

“I mean, that’s not that hard to figure out since well, we’re all men in here and the lack of some feminine presence do wonders to a lonely dick. We adjust ourselves, our needs, to what we have in hand, isn’t that what they say?”

“Have you imagined doing those things with me, then?” Jaebum suddenly asked between a startled snap of head towards the other’s direction that must have hurt tons since the movement came accompanied by a soft yet existent sound of crackling joints.

 Jinyoung flinched at the crisp sound, distantly remembering how cracking his neck was another bad habit Jaebum harbored along with the one of snapping his jaw out of boredom, but then his mind was filled with unsettling thoughts and emotions about what he’d just been asked, heart racing beneath ribcages as if he’d run a shitty marathon. A traitor flush crept up his chest and neck when he looked away from Jaebum’s piercing gaze, and he then busied himself with placing the now empty bottle back onto the mahogany table only to avoid giving Jaebum the pleasure of seeing his face heated with embarrassment and guilt.

 All to no avail, actually. Because, a heartbeat later, Jaebum’s until then clouded face lightened up with sheer realization, and he was already leaning closer to the table in order to peer at Jinyoung’s slight lowered head before the other could do anything about it.

“That’s why you avoided me and have been behaving so awkwardly around me since we started reading this book.” He stated, amusedly watching Jinyoung squirm uncomfortably back onto the sofa. “You fantasized doing erotica with me.”

 The ghost of a smile haunted the corners of Jaebum’s lips when Jinyoung suppressed a gasp and turned his face further away from him, clearly avoiding eye contact while unhelpfully biting onto plush and naturally pinkish lips. Jinyoung was so cute when embarrassed. Jaebum could easily pinch at his cheeks and pepper him with soothing kisses just for that adorable display of vulnerability.

 Instead, though, he just remained in there, watching turbulent emotions swimming over his friend’s countenance for a while. Taking in the silent affirmative in them.

“Fantasize is too strong of a word to use…” Jinyoung mumbled out despite himself, practically curling his body against the edge of the sofa, the farthest one from where Jaebum stood close by. He felt so stupid, reacting that extremely to something that could’ve been easily figured out by such a smartass as Jaebum, even though that still didn’t blow out his cover of hiding the secret crush he held for the other man.

 Jaebum hopefully still treated all of that as a quite amusing storm of hormones coming from a currently-suffering-the-symptoms-of-lack-of-sex Jinyoung, even the part where he blatantly accused him of fantasizing doing erotica with him, but then it was just that. No deeper feelings involved. And maybe it’s been precisely that, the very fact that Jaebum apparently didn’t even consider it possible for Jinyoung to be actually in love with him, that got on Jinyoung’s nerves right now.

 He didn’t want Jaebum to know about his romantic feelings for him, was afraid of it, but somehow facing a reality where the thought had sounded so absurd to Jaebum that he hasn’t even placed it as a coherent option to his mind, kind of hurt.

“Jinyoung,” he chastised, and Jinyoung stomped down on his aching guts to focus on letting himself get annoyed by the tone Jaebum used, like he had the right of demand something out of him. He sighed heavily. Things were definitely going worse than he’d imagined they would.

“If you already know it, why are you so desperate to get me verbally saying it back? What the hell, Jaebum, leave it at that.” Jinyoung threw back in a clipped tone, faintly aware of the way Jaebum’s jaw tightened, but aware of it nonetheless. “It’s all about hormones anyway, you don’t have to feel threatened or any shit like that. As I said, since we’re all men here, ideas start brewing but they’re just that, y’know? Just ideas.”

“And curiosity.” Jaebum added to Jinyoung’s speech, voice a bit deep with conviction as he stared straight to the younger’s expressive eyes.

“What?” Jinyoung got really confused by that last comment, and he shamelessly let it show in the deep furrow of his brow and tight purse of his lips. Jaebum wasn’t making much of a sense with all that interest regarding that wreck of subject derived from a blabbering comment made earlier in the night, but Jinyoung supposed it was his natural interest towards their book discussions speaking, because they still were talking about the written work chose for that week. Sort of, but still.

 Jaebum shifted, rested one arm over the center table and leaned his head on the back of one hand, showing absolute no signs of being fazed by how the whole matter had been drifting more and more to talking about Jinyoung instead of the characters of the story they were supposed to share ideas about. “Curiosity. Because you’re curious about it too, aren’t you? Curious of how different it’d be from doing it with a girl.”

“Um, yeah… I guess so. Reading this kind of book, discussing about the subject and likely sharing turn-ons, though, is something I’ve never done with anyone before, girl or not. There’s that sense of dread anticipation in it somehow, like diving into unknown seas and discovering new stuff. Guess it’s what it makes more appealing. Tempting. All mixes together in the end.”

“You wanna try it?”

“ _What?_ ” The question came in an incredulous gasp, Jinyoung visibly scooting further away from the corner of the sofa Jaebum lingered around as though that suggestion could physically harm him if he stood too close to the person who bluntly made it. Even though he wasn’t quite sure about what ‘ _it’_ stood for in Jaebum’s concept of trying, he felt restless.

 And it showed, because a moment later Jaebum was biting at his tongue in a likewise reprimand for letting it run wild and spill, hand rubbing against his right temple as he waged an inner battle with his own thoughts. After what felt like an excruciating eternity of heavy silence, Jaebum pursed his lips and looked up, eyes glinting with resolution. “Sharing turn-ons, you wanna try doing it with me? We’ve read the book and kinda been discussing about the subject already, so… uh, what’s left is, um, sharing turn-ons? Wanna see how it goes?”

 Jesus fucking Christ. Was Jaebum for real? Jinyoung couldn’t really tell as he stared wide-eyed at his long-time friend as though he’d just gone nuts, looking pretty much like an unattractive fish. Jaebum seemed serious, though; too serious if Jinyoung were to put his opinion about that intense gaze the other man caged him in right now.

 But what was the objective of all that shit? They should be talking about the book, and no matter how hard Jinyoung tried, he couldn’t just see what they discussing about their turn-ons had to do with anything. They should be talking about how the characters had screwed each other really good in that freaking story, not dragging themselves into it and, god knows why, assimilating their intimacies to the subject. That made no sense. Jaebum made no sense. At all.

 Jinyoung somehow felt like he was driving a freight truck down the hill whenever he was in Jaebum’s presence lately, each second feeling more out of control than the last. He would feel restlessness and a heightened sense of delight at the same time, anticipating Jaebum’s next moves just as he would with an imminent collision. Strange how he didn’t want to push the pedal or pull the brakes, and just let it ride until it crashed against a good sense tree.

 The unwavering look of Jaebum’s eyes was getting into him, though; like really digging under his skin and making it tickle. Ever since day one, Jaebum had seemed to have his mind tightly made up in hooking him into that turbulent sea of perilous waters and making him drown, and oh, despite it being the utter cause of his sleepless nights, the fact Jaebum was so convicted and determined in dragging him along that madness made Jinyoung shake with thrills.

 Maybe that’s been why he just _couldn’t_ bring himself to say no to Jaebum even though that was what his auto-preservation and rooted but partially fogged principles mostly screamed for him to do. And maybe that’s been what led him to reply the most stupid thing he could have to Jaebum’s last proposal.

“Um, ok? I mean, sure.”

 If there have been a moment when Jaebum looked so happy he could have tap-danced in the middle of the street in the hell of a rainy day only for the sake of doing so, the moment was right then. There was this skittish grin blossoming onto Jaebum’s lush lips but he tried to hide it by clearing his throat and nodding his head softly, taking that confirmation as it was and leaving it at that. Jinyoung bit at his inner cheeks to suppress a curse. He was so idiotically whipped by Jaebum it got annoying.

 Jinyoung watched, with one knee above the sofa seat and the other hanging loosely by its side, the way Jaebum stood up from the carpeted ground and climbed onto the sofa. He moved gingerly, afraid he’d make Jinyoung jump away if he ever moved too quickly, and after one moment or two, he was seated on his butt right by his side, sharing the softness of the cushions with Jinyoung.

 They weren’t _exactly_ in each other’s spaces. They were merely seating side by side, the distance in between appropriate for close friends just like them, but still, it felt pretty awkward to stand that close to Jaebum knowing what kind of talk they were about to have. It would still feel awkward even if they stood one in each extremity of the dorm, separated by kilometers of distance while talking on the phone or whatever, but anyway. Jinyoung just felt… hyperaware. Of their proximity on the sofa. Of Jaebum’s knee nearly touching his leg as the man sat cross-legged beside him. Of Jaebum himself, looking at him so attentively as he was currently doing. Of fucking everything.

“Tell me, Jinyoung-ah. What rocks your boat?” Jaebum asked as mirth dropped from his words, his characteristic smirk pulling at mouth corners. He looked to be enjoying this way too much. Annoying.

 Jinyoung heaved a long, tired sigh. “I don’t know… why don’t you say what it works for you first then I can relax more?”

“Why are you that nervous? It’s just me. Or is it because it’s me that you’re nervous? Considering you imagined doing erotica with me as we’ve already discussed minutes ago.”

“Can we—” his voice cracked and so he forced himself to stop and take a deep breath before continuing, fishing for the bow of potato chips only to have something to occupy his hands, or else he sure as hell would use them to punch at that confident grin stretching Jaebum’s lips, “ugh, can we just don’t mention it? At least not in this casual tone and shit.”

“Does treating it casual make you uncomfortable too? Wouldn’t treating it any other way make it the same, though?” Jaebum pushed, knowing the deep red painting Jinyoung’s cheeks was a clear sign for him to stop but loving it so much to bring himself to do as such.

 Jinyoung brought both of his hands up to rub at his face impatiently, trying to hold in his need of yelling a curse at the tease his friend was making him go through. The bow lay on his lap, and it bounced slightly with the sudden movement of his arms, some potato chips threatening to fall through the corners. “Ah, whatever, just. I don’t know how to word it, that’s it. I need some incentive, y’know? You talk first and I’ll follow, yeah?”

“Alright, then. What do you want to know?” The older between them inquired while slipping one hand into the bow resting over Jinyoung’s lap, fingers curling only to withdraw a handful of snacks. The chip wasn’t all that crunchy and tasty anymore after being exposed to the ambient for that long, but Jaebum ate it anyway, making a show of grimacing in dismay when the mass felt subtly withered on his tongue.

“Tell me, Jaebum-ah. What rocks your boat?” Jinyoung parroted, voice less teasing than Jaebum’s had been but just as amused. Jaebum actually snickered at that, chuckled, eyes shining with something Jinyoung couldn’t really pinpoint but which made the butterflies in his stomach fly around nonetheless.

“Let’s see…” he pretended to think about it carefully, eyes sweeping through the ceiling in contemplation, “I like it when it’s rough.”

 God knows how much effort Jinyoung put into keeping his face straight and himself composed. If his skin prickled all over and a demure spike of adrenaline shot right through his groin after what Jaebum had said to him, no one could ever notice. Great actor Park Jinyoung rises. “You like it when it’s rough. That’s it?”

“Gentle is nice, too. Like slow and deep and passionate.”

“It’s that too vague? You like it rough but you like it gentle too. Isn’t that what people say when they don’t want to reveal much about themselves? I mean, it doesn’t say anything about your preferences specifically. Just states the obvious.”

“Oh, so you want to be specific. Ok, then. Let’s be specific.” Jaebum scooted closer to Jinyoung over the sofa, sweeping his dirty hand from the potato chips salt and grease on the side of his shorts before settling it over the cushioned seat. Jinyoung gulped down nervously, shifted on his seat, but didn’t try to run away.

 It could seem as though Jaebum were caging Jinyoung against the sofa armrest (and well, maybe he actually was) but since the younger didn’t stand up or did something to shimmy himself away from the new position the two of them were slowly crawling into, Jaebum didn’t pay much thought to it. He simply moved closer and closer until their legs were brushing together in an almost feathery way.

 They looked at each other, the eye contact strong and challenging, and Jaebum licked his upper lip moist before speaking up one more time, voice lower than before, almost as if he were about to tell a secret. “I like it when they talk through it, saying what they feel like doing to the other person depending on how aroused they are. The crude honesty they make use of while blurting the most perverted things just because that’s exactly what is going through their clouded, hazy minds.”

 Jinyoung licked his own lips then, unconsciously copying the gesture Jaebum had done just a moment before. “You like dirty talk, then. You like the obscenity of it, the filthiness.”

 Shaking his head, Jaebum leaned a few inches closer, eyes hooding and growing alluringly dark. “I don’t like dirty talk because it’s dirty. I like it because it’s bluntly honest.” He provided, voice sultry, and Jinyoung’s breath caught when the other smirked. “The desire is honest.”

 Even though Jaebum wasn’t that close to him as to breathe into his space, Jinyoung could swear he felt the man’s breath faintly hitting his chin as they stood. A fucking bad idea, that whole shit was. But as Jinyoung watched Jaebum picking the bow from his lap and putting it back onto the center table beside them, it all had seemed so right. And damn it if them both getting lost on each other’s eyes in sequence hadn’t seemed even righter.

“Now,” Jaebum nearly whispered, purposely hoarse in tone, sending this crazy chill up and down Jinyoung’s spine that got the man unconsciously arching his back against the armrest in what he assumed to be uncontained anticipation. A smirk quirked up one side of Jaebum’s mouth at that reaction, but the flush on his cheeks delated how eager and shy himself also was at the prospect of whatever shit they’re doing in that sofa. “Your turn.”

“I…,” suddenly his lips felt so dry he had to nervously slide his tongue over them to moist them up again, mouth gaping for a few moments as he drank in the sight of Jaebum accompanying the movement of his tongue with an attentive stare. Jaebum looked up to meet his eyes again, and those enticingly dark depths were so determined and unwavering that Jinyoung nearly choked up on a moan.

 God, that was so strange; having that kind of chemistry with Jaebum and actually having it happening in real life. Because they were truly flirting right then, weren’t they? It couldn’t be just Jinyoung’s imagination playing dirty on him. Jaebum was honestly into it, inching each time closer and closer to him, nearly pinning him to the armrest and almost breathing into his space. That definitely wasn’t Jinyoung overreacting things.

 Even though Jaebum hadn’t gone as far as to the point where he would be hovering over Jinyoung and caging him against the cushions yet, Jinyoung felt equally trapped. They sat close, faced each other though he’d constantly look away and back once the staring battle became too intruding and overwhelming, but that was just it.

 Their legs touched above the sofa, but the only parts that were fully in contact with one another were Jinyoung’s calf and Jaebum’s knee, one pressed against the other since Jaebum had been slowly shifting onto the empty spot Jinyoung’s casually parted legs made in between. And again, that was just that.

 Even so, Jinyoung had to intake several deep breaths to keep his lungs functioning properly. Because he could feel Jaebum’s warmth even through the thick material of his sweatpants, could feel the sharpness of the man’s knee’s jutting bones as they rubbed against his clothed calf. That was enough to get him heated up and reaching close to gasping for air. Truth is he’s just too weak for Jaebum. The problem lay in that.

“I’m,” Jinyoung tried again after remembering how he was supposed to be giving an answer to Jaebum instead of getting lost in those pretty dark eyes, “I’m more to the quiet type.”

“Quiet type?,” the older echoed in mild amusement, stopping short on his tracks to peer at Jinyoung’s face curiously. “What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t quite humor the idea of holding some conversation while… in it.”

“You sure ‘bout that? Not even the ‘faster, faster’ pleading? They can be very encouraging, you know.”

 Jinyoung felt the tip of his ears burning and it was like his cheeks were irrevocably on fire so, being the smartass he was, he promptly brought both of his cold hands to cool it down a bit, covering at least most part of his face and not even for a second considering that act as a clear signal of embarrassment Jaebum could easily make use of to tease him further. His brain only clicked with realization when he peeked through his fingers and watched the other man’s expression turning smug and pleased.

 He should’ve reacted stoically, he thought with forlorn as his friend released a breathy chuckle in enjoyment, he should’ve reacted just like his actor self would. But he had moved on autopilot, naturally hiding himself whenever the situation he was put into made himself uncomfortable somehow. That was what they called self-preservation, right? People tended to react just like that when feeling cornered.

 But it still got into Jinyoung’s nerves, the cheeky way Jaebum seemed so pleased by that automatic reaction he unfortunately came up with. There was absolute no menace in it, but that didn’t stop the annoyance of being laughed at from crawling up Jinyoung’s temper. Annoyance and mortification.

 Deciding to go against his desires of snapping at Jaebum and shouting some curses to the wind, though, Jinyoung breathed inside out in order to calm down. They were already having that conversation, so he wouldn’t be the one to back away now and subsequently cause his previous struggles to be all in vain. He would talk through that infuriatingly arousing matter and get done with it, for the sake of their friendship and his own sanity as well.

“I’m not saying I don’t like dirty talk by any means,” he provided once his nerves stopped making his voice sound shaky and pitched, however still hiding his face in both pale hands, “I’m saying it’d be very unlikely for me to take an active role in it. I’m more like the quiet type, the one who prefers to listen over saying it himself.”

“Sooo, you’re a listener. Good thing I’m a speaker, then.” Before Jinyoung could effectively respond to that, Jaebum was already dragging one hand across the seat and planting five short fingers over the armrest, thumb pressing the soft material right beside Jinyoung’s upper arm, bigger frame fully hovering over the younger man now. “Tell me, Jinyoungie. What kind of sounds you like to hear?”

 It was an involuntary shiver that shook Jinyoung’s muscles and reverberated through his skin, but it being willing or not didn’t really matter in that instance. What actually mattered was that Jaebum was finally cornering him against the armrest and the shiver that echoed along his limbs had surely been felt by Jaebum since they stood so close to each other.

 Air got punched out of his lungs when he looked up from behind trembling fingers and was met by Jaebum’s breathtaking smirk. The same smirk he fantasized about while jerking himself off one night ago. Jinyoung shivered again, this time with his eyes drinking in the addictive poison of Jaebum’s blown pupils. Jaebum so totally knew the kinds of effects he had over him, that motherfucker. He sought pleasure in watching Jinyoung agonizing while struggling against the attraction he held for Jaebum.

 Once again Jinyoung had this feeling Jaebum simply _knew_ how he felt towards him—the unrequited love that couldn’t be discovered nor even possibly mentioned, because if it did it would destroy the friendship they’ve been watering for far too many years now and that have been growing just like a healthy plant all this time—, but unlike the other times he’d wondered about it, now there was a different feeling mixing with the past one, giving head to a new set of unthought possibilities.

 For the first time in years, instead of feeling afraid of an outcome where Jaebum was aware of his romantic feelings, Jinyoung felt somewhat hopeful that Jaebum could maybe reciprocate even a tiny little bit of them. If he didn’t, why would he be hovering on top of him like that in the sofa? What would be the purpose of those damned smirks and suggestive talking?

 Jinyoung knew by heart how naturally teasing and evil Jaebum could prove himself to be sometimes, but he also knew the man well enough to know he wouldn’t be that heartless and despicable as to play with his feelings if he ever came to know about them. Therefore, there must be more into it than what Jinyoung was able to read.

 And really, that was what infuriated him the most; not being able to see right through Jaebum as easily as the man could do to him. It was unfair, not to mention borderline cruel. Maybe that’s been why Jinyoung was so antsy regarding that whole matter. He couldn’t come to terms with the fact that, even after all these years they’ve been together, he still wasn’t able to faithfully read Jaebum.

“I’m waiting.” Jaebum’s voice snapped the little bubble of thoughts Jinyoung had immersed himself in, bringing him back to reality only to look like a deer caught in the headlights while facing his friend. There was a sweet smile pulling at the corners of Jaebum’s mouth then, but he didn’t add anything else.

 Jinyoung breathed deeply before shaking his head and shrugging one shoulder, “Just… sounds.”

“Gimme more details, I want to imagine it in my head.”

“Why would you do such thing?,” his tone was really clueless, a bit confused and indubitably lost, but there was also this hopeful sliver of amusement and shy curiosity carrying his words as he uttered them out.

 Jaebum grasped onto it like almost to dear life, knowing perfectly well that if he let that chance slip away, Jinyoung would crawl back into his shell and end whatever shit they were doing right then. And that was the farthest they’ve ever come (for god’s sake he was practically pinning Jinyoung down the sofa) so he just couldn’t find it in himself to give up.

“Things get more real if I imagine them and I need more details to do as such,” he provided shortly, watching the way Jinyoung would chew on the corner of his lower lip in that bad habit he had developed for the times he was feeling restless. Jinyoung didn’t even acknowledge having such habit, but Jaebum was too trained on his subtle nervous twitches to know he did have them. “C’mon, just be more specific.”

“You’re making me say those filthy things, aren’t you?,” Jinyoung asked in a line of voice, pouting childishly when Jaebum smiled fondly down at him while shaking his head.

“They’re not filthy if it’s something that makes you feel good, babe,” having Jinyoung shooting one fierce dirty look at him for fucking crooning the pet name part somehow made Jaebum’s heart flutter and overflow with deep affection, but he dutifully masked his vulnerability by heaving a light chuckle. “But yeah, all right if thinking this way is gonna help you express yourself.”

“I can’t—I don’t even know, I can’t say it,” Jinyoung whined behind his hands, burning face hidden in the shell formed by his sweaty palms. Be more specific, Jaebum had said. There was a rumble permeating his ears as he imagined how disastrous things could get if he were to be specific with Jaebum about what kind of sounds turned him on. Crap, he couldn’t just believe in what was happening; in what Jaebum was asking of him.

 Throughout their over six years of friendship he has thought Jaebum knew his limits, his boundaries; he’s thought Jaebum would know when to push him and when to back off. Maybe, and just maybe, that could be the exact motive of why Jaebum was behaving like that; because he knew Jinyoung way too much, and even more than Jinyoung knew himself.

 It was true he was unfamiliar with his own body when it automatically reacted to Jaebum and went annoyingly pliant accordingly to Jaebum’s wishes. It was true things have been going way out of control lately, like an avalanche of immensurable proportions. Nevertheless, _that_ was too much.

 Jaebum was crossing too many lines, breaking too many rules and sweeping off too many limits. Jinyoung was introverted and reserved by nature; talking about such subjects as his triggers in bed and what turned him on and what not was definitely asking too much of him.

 Shyness overloaded his system as his brain fully registered how their conversation—the one supposed to approach those matters described in the book they’ve been reading for the past week in only a detached, impartial way—had turned into something explicitly sexual and so Jinyoung stuck, mind and body numb as he got tongue-tied, and the only coherent thing he could think of at that moment was _wow_ , since when had Jaebum become so open and confidently talkative about that stuff. Such a mystery. Jaebum himself was becoming one; a headache of a mystery Jinyoung deeply craved to solve.

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum called, soothing and reassuring and patient, with a steady smile tugging at his lips in what was supposed to be a calming gesture, but that only worked as more fuel to the scalding fire that silently pooled at the bottom of Jinyoung’s stomach. Jinyoung was peeking through gaps between his fingers again, and he kept doing so even though Jaebum tried motioning for him to take the hands off his face, performing a stubborn shaking of head paired up with a puckering pout only to make his point. “Jinyoungie, talk to me.”

“Don’t call me like that, not when we’re talking about this kind of shit.”

“Why? Does the sound of my voice saying your nickname turn you on?”

 The flush which crept up Jinyoung’s bare chest and neck until it got his face painted in three different shades of red was enough of a response and Jaebum chuckled softly at the way Jinyoung squirmed in agony, whining once again. He was just too cute when something left him all shy and flustered, his whole body language turning into one of dread and innocence and meek curiosity.

 That surely was one of Jaebum’s weak points, Jinyoung behaving all awkward and clumsy out of embarrassment, but the younger between them didn’t need to know about that. At least not just yet.

“I hate you.” Jinyoung mumbled, lowering the hands that covered his face after what felt like an eternity. Jaebum simply scoffed, endearment lingering behind that single huff of breath. Deciding that he’d prolonged his doom for quite enough time already, and unwillingly taking in the fact that Jaebum wouldn’t get the hell out of the top of him until he said what the man wanted to hear, Jinyoung groaned in defeat and gave up. “This doesn’t quite apply to books, but. When I watch gay porn videos, I… uh, I like the– the sounds their bodies make, y’know?”

 If Jaebum had thoughts about Jinyoung confessing he watched gay porn videos instead of common hetero porn, he didn’t comment on it. Jinyoung gulped, couldn’t decide whether that was a good sign.

“The sounds their bodies make,” Jaebum echoed after a moment, almost as if he were trying to make sure what he had understood of those words was what Jinyoung had really meant while saying them. “Not the sounds they make _while_ taking each other’s bodies?” His tone cracked to an interrogative one in the end, but the sentence he spilled was still an affirmative of all sorts. A confirmative, if anything.

“Uh huh.” Jinyoung hummed, confirmed, emphasizing his reply with a demure nod of head.

“Ok. That’s… that’s good to know, all right. Good.” Jaebum shifted on his spot, belatedly and regretfully realizing how Jinyoung’s hands had been an inch away to go rest against his chest and didn’t just do it because Jaebum moved way too soon. “Um, if I ask you to elaborate will you hit me really hard or?” he trailed off, trying really hard not to pout at the prospect those hands on him could have had if he hadn’t shifted around. Damn his restlessness.

 Jinyoung considered arguing, telling Jaebum to fuck off and quit it, but he was already tired of constantly building his defenses up like building blocks just so Jaebum could bring them down in a blink of eyes. So he simply shrugged, resigned. “When…,” he cleared his throat, “when they’re into it, and one guy is entering the other like real good, there’s this moment where he goes so hard and deep that the sound of their thighs colliding and sweat slicking it up comes through, and it just– and it’s so hot. I don’t know why, but _god_ it’s just so arousing…”

“You mean the slapping sound?,” Jaebum asked and damn he sounded so breathless then, voice dropping low to a somehow husky tone that sent vibrations allover Jinyoung’s twitching muscles.

 It was gratifying knowing he was somehow affecting Jaebum just as much as Jaebum had been affecting him, and fuck it if it didn’t get tons better when the fact that he wasn’t even trying that hard to came to light. It was reassuring watching the way a vein would throb at Jaebum’s neck every once in a while as he bent himself backwards to remain composed and unadulterated throughout their steamy, dirty talk.

 Because that was what triggered Jaebum, wasn’t it? Having some dirty talk and all? Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel amused and lightheaded as he realized how that was exactly what he was giving to Jaebum.

 Licking his suddenly dry lips and oddly reveling in the attention Jaebum gave to the act by following the whole movement with hawk eyes, Jinyoung nodded. “Yes, I like to hear it. I put my earphones on and leave the speakers at maximum just so I can hear it better… just so I can imagine how it’d feel if it were sounding right beside my ear.”

“Fuck, this is so hot,” it was Jaebum who hissed, legs awkwardly pressing together as if he were feeling uncomfortable with something in between them, something Jinyoung didn’t take even two seconds to realize what might be. There was a pained expression adorning his handsome features and one of his hands was clutching tightly at the soft material of the armrest, knuckles pearl white and hidden fingertips colored in a bright red.

 The struggle to shut down his yearning and need was real, labored breathing reaching in back and forth, and midst that strange and heavily charged atmosphere of controlled desire and sexual frustration, Jinyoung wondered how in hell did he let the fact that Jaebum also felt somewhat attracted by him pass unnoticed. Because really, it was so freaking obvious now that he looked at the way Jaebum preyed hooded eyes on him.

 The fact that there was some charged mutual attraction going on between them didn’t exactly mean Jaebum loved him or likewise nourished deeper feelings for him than the ones spared to a good friend, though. And of course the thought pulled his heartstrings. Nevertheless, that was already better than nothing at all. At least that was what Jinyoung wanted to believe.

“What are we doing?” Jinyoung breathed, unaware of how one of Jaebum’s hands came to hover over the side of his waist until it pressed down against the thin layer of his shirt, causing him to gasp at the sudden contact. Skin prickling underneath, Jinyoung felt himself squirm a bit and shift, whether in seek of detaching himself from that touch or making those fingers press further onto his clothed limb, he wasn’t sure. The second option was the most probable one, though.

 At that moment it was like neither of them effectively cared about the consequences of those meaningful acts, didn’t even think about it seriously. Overall, Jinyoung was still a bit reluctant, sharp brain holding on to good sense and desperately gripping the edges of consciousness until the very last moment, fighting against letting go.

 He was scared of what that moment of irresponsible surrender to that freaking yearning they developed towards one another could lead the two of them to, scared of what would be of their friendship after their heads and dicks cooled down and good judgment settled in again. The imaginary bucket of things that could go bad, wrong if they gave in to their desires was welling up and overflowing already.

 But seriously, Jaebum’s hand was trailing down and down now, ghostly touch sloping downward until it reached the hem of his shirt to slip bold fingers under the worn out garment, and so Jinyoung found himself thinking that hell, he couldn’t care less about fucking consequences right then.

 They were somehow standing in an entanglement of limbs. Jinyoung lay halfway over the sofa with his back leaned against the armrest and head slight tipped back to look at Jaebum under heavily lidded eyes. Jaebum hovered on top of him with one hand palmed over the armrest, propping himself up by bearing most of his weight, and the other raking up Jinyoung’s warm skin beneath the shirt. Their legs interlocked, Jinyoung’s unintentionally splayed open and Jaebum’s positioned over the cushions by his knees, keeping them like that so he could fit himself in between.

 None of them had planned that kind of position, but they weren’t about to complain anyway. At least not when it felt so comfortable and unsettlingly familiar, what it indeed did. It felt nerve-wrackingly natural.

 “Still nothing at all. But hell, Jinyoung, I want to.” The answer came after Jinyoung had dumbly forgotten about it at all, what caused him to frown for a few moments until the penny dropped.

 He had asked Jaebum what they were doing. Strangely enough, that kind of response was exactly the one he had learned to expect from his friend throughout the years, and so he allowed a quiet, brief snicker to burst. Though the sound died just as quickly, idly giving way to a groaning one as Jinyoung felt nails scraping the spot right below his ribs.

 Jaebum was supposed to smirk at that reaction, maybe drop some snarky remark along his trademark chuckle, but no, he remained silent, simply staring down at Jinyoung with something unreadable and flatteringly dark shinning on his eyes. Something akin to spiked lust.

“Jaebum–,” Jinyoung gasped, shivered, bringing one hand up to clutch at Jaebum’s wrist when the man grazed his short fingers over a hard nipple. He didn’t push it away, though; simply held it tightly as his body shook in a pliant rumble of haphazard sensations.

 They gazed at each other under the bright lighting in the living room, searching for reluctance in their respective darkened eyes and finding sheer anticipation instead. The hold around Jaebum’s wrist was loose, almost inducing and incentivizing in some weird way only the two of them were able to notice, and so he shook himself free delicately before bringing the fluttering touch of his fingers down the expanse of Jinyoung’s abdomen, rejoicing in the shy flexing of muscles he felt against his fingertips along the way.

 Jaebum stopped when he reached the waistband of Jinyoung’s sweatpants, dizzyingly taking in the way the man beneath him gasped in what looked to be mounting arousal and expectancy. “I know you want it too, it shows in every inch of your body,” he said midst releasing a shaky breath, wondering for the thousandth time whether Jinyoung had ever noticed how much he affected him without doing that much. He probably didn’t. Jaebum couldn’t yet decide if that whole obliviousness was a good thing or not.

 Jinyoung’s chest heaved with the deep breaths he was taking, heart racing. Of course he wanted it too, for fuck’s sake, would he even be that writhing mess if he didn’t? But that kind of things wasn’t made to be verbalized, and sadly that seemed to be exactly what Jaebum was seeking; a verbal confirmation that yes, Jinyoung also was damn horny and willing and in the mood.

 That could be linked to Jaebum saying he was into dirty talking moments ago, and Jinyoung in fact linked the dots there, but his mind was still too lost in excited haze to work actively and do something about it, so he simply chose to don’t say a word and let his body enjoy the tentative grazing of fingers Jaebum did over the sensitive skin right above his waistband mark.

 His breath came out harder and faster when the hand on his hips slowly ran further down and inside his sweatpants, teasing and curious, taking a heartbeat to reach the obvious bulge hidden in the confinement of his boxers and curl around it. “Ah, Jinyoungie,” he heard Jaebum whispering, his voice husky, and heat pooled at Jinyoung’s stomach as he watched the other’s lip trembling slightly as he spoke, “look at you, you’re already so hard.”

“Don’t—touch there,” Jinyoung choked out despite himself, his tone sounding more like a plea than a scold. He arched his back as much as their position allowed him to, seeking contact nonetheless. Once his movement caused some friction between Jaebum’s hand and the straining of his boxers, he let out a shaky sigh and snapped his eyes shut, shuddering.

 That was the hint Jaebum got that whatever shit Jinyoung would blabber out at that rate would probably mean he wanted him to do the exact opposite. He snorted, amused, but performed some dandling moves over Jinyoung’s clothed hardness even so. “I can help you with that.”

“With what?,” Jinyoung cried out while unconsciously jerking his hips forward, wanting more of whatever Jaebum’s fingers were giving to the sharp line of his dick from over the thin layer of cloth.

“ _That_ ,” the older forced, as though the connotation had been pretty much obvious already, “Just trust me, yeah?”

“I don’t know if I should…”

“Your body is already doing so, though.”

“It’s not,” Jinyoung argued, stubborn even in those kinds of times. He muffled some guttural noises after that, which Jaebum distantly assumed were embarrassing hums or coughs his friend didn’t want him to hear, and that somehow turned him on.

 The way Jinyoung was so reluctant in showing himself as submissive to Jaebum that did, not the hums and coughs the man swallowed. Though Jaebum had a feeling he’d have liked to hear them too.

 When Jaebum felt dampness against his palm, even though it came from such a tiny spot it could’ve passed unnoticed, he groaned low in his throat and threw the last straw of his restraint out the window. Pausing the movements of his hand only enough to slip it under Jinyoung’s boxers and grip his leaking shaft properly to restart performing them now over the dainty flesh, Jaebum almost forgot to breath as he got too engrossed in the little noises Jinyoung let escape then.

 They were so beautiful, the breathless gasps and soft murmurs Jinyoung did while immersed in pleasure. Jaebum swore he could get addicted to them if given the time. He could get addicted to Jinyoung as a whole too, but maybe that he already was.

 Too bad he was too afraid to kiss him now and trespass the wrong idea to Jinyoung in that whole scene, like he was just doing that in the heat of the moment or whatever. That would have to wait a bit more, and Jaebum struggled to hold himself back because _jesus,_ Jinyoung’s lips looked so swollen and red from the biting the man did on them in tries to hold his moans in. That was torture.

 Trying to focus on something else than claiming those fucking kissable lips, Jaebum tightened his hold around Jinyoung, feeling his hard shape and rough texture, basking in how indubitably manly Jinyoung felt under his touch. There was a soft cry leaving the younger’s mouth and then Jaebum felt nails digging into the skin of his exposed arms, but he couldn’t find it in his fucking self to care a bit. “You feel so good, shit, so hot. My hand is daggled of you, it feels slimy.”

“Stop talking, what t-the fuck,” Jinyoung gritted out while hiding his burning face on the base of Jaebum’s neck, arms having gone up to encircle his shoulders and pull him down in an awkward and desperate embrace moments ago.

 He kept thrusting into his friend’s fist, finding it amusing how Jaebum instinctively swirled his wrist to match the roll of his hips every time, and by the time the other spoke up again, his hoarse voice reverberated through Jinyoung’s body as it rumbled dangerously low right beside his ear. “I told ‘ya, I’m from the dirty talking type. Though this isn’t dirty talking. Whatever. Want me to make noises instead?”

 Jinyoung surprisingly chuckled at that, but Jaebum blamed it to the haziness the man was going through as his orgasm approached in gallops. Then there was this particular tug he did on Jinyoung’s dick, and really he hadn’t really intended it to be too rough or anything, he just squeezed the underline with a bit more pressure and thumbed at the slit in a way that got it splitting open and spurting more fluid than before, turning the glide smoother.

 But still he may have gotten lost in the moment and went too fierce on the other somehow, because a moment later Jinyoung was moaning out the most obscene sound Jaebum has ever heard live, tiny little gasps following suit beside a wanton groan that reverberated all over Jaebum’s muscles, shooting heat to course right through his straining cock underneath his basketball shorts.

 That reaction was so intense Jaebum’s breath stuttered, mind going dizzy for a moment as he fought the pulsing of his aching erection. He pushed himself away the most the arms around his shoulders allowed him to, and only to rake his eyes over the flushed cheeks and parted lips Jinyoung owned as he rocked his lips into Jaebum’s hand more eagerly and avidly, eyebrows furrowed in sheer concentration.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Jaebum gasped while pressing their foreheads together, dark eyes locking with Jinyoung’s hazed ones when the younger snapped them open at the sound of his voice, “you make me so mad, shit, it feels like I’m going mad whenever I’m with you.”

“My god,” Jinyoung hiccupped, head thrown back and mind blown in ecstasy, provided by both Jaebum’s words and merciless hand. He felt it coming, the tingle sensation spreading up from his curling toes to sweating hairline hinting just so, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

 It was all too good, too intoxicating, too much. Jinyoung felt himself drowning and the funny part was that he didn’t want to come back to the surface if it meant he’d never experience such turmoil of emotions and sensations like he was doing now, with Jaebum. Yeah, Jaebum was right; standing beside him also made Jinyoung fell like he was going mad. Too bad he didn’t care going nuts if Jaebum and he went together.

“No, babe, you don’t say his name when we’re in the middle of it. You say mine.” Jaebum was saying when Jinyoung took a break from trying to supply his lungs enough oxygen that wouldn’t leave his breath so shamelessly labored, and then all his effort went downhill because he literally choked for air after that statement. Jaebum breathed in huffs against the sated skin of his neck when he added, “Say it. My name sounds so– fuck, it sounds so good when you say it,” mouth hovering over his sweaty skin and overall appearance just as worked out and seeking as Jinyoung’s.

“Jaeb—um,” Jinyoung allowed himself to moan, long and low and deep, and he did it at the same time his orgasm hit him and left him panting in absurd delight and satisfaction. Lightheaded, he willed his mind to stop spinning and mouth to stop watering, belatedly realizing how he had even drooled a bit over Jaebum’s collarbone midst that whole ride.

 Somehow, and in an extremely odd way, Jinyoung actually felt proud of the damp mark shining on the other’s skin instead of being washed by sheer mortification as he would have done another time. His heart still ached inside his ribcage though, for some motive he didn’t want to think about right now.

“Moan it also works.” Jaebum’s voice sounded tired yet still raspy when he uttered the words, and Jinyoung breathed in his scent as a lump formed in his throat. He felt Jaebum’s hand stroking him through his orgasm in a daze, fingers tugging lazily and sloppily in a low pace, until the last drop milked away Jinyoung’s still pulsing shaft and his body slumped.

 Jinyoung could see randomly shaped forms spiraling in different colors behind his closed eyelids, feeling high and poisoned. There was this whistle sounding in a constant sequence on his ears, but he still managed to hear Jaebum breathing shallowly somewhere near his face while carefully sliding his hand out the damp boxers, and a demure shiver crossed his spine as he felt the man’s fingers brushing over his sensitive skin midst retreating.

 Every inch of his body seemed to be turned into jelly but he made an effort to detach himself from his friend’s body and look at him with lidded eyes, hands sliding across those wide shoulders and taking in the sweat glistering in them before stopping by Jaebum’s toned upper arms, unwilling to lose all the contact they had just as soon.

 Once glance to the side and Jinyoung watched in amusement how Jaebum held the hand that had done wonders to him moments ago up with one arm resting against the armrest on the other side of Jinyoung’s face. There was a thick rope of cum linking Jaebum’s fingers, more of that white slime painting his palm and sliding perilously slow down his wrist. Jinyoung whined at the view, fighting against the sudden want of licking that hot mess away from Jaebum’s fingers that struck him down.

 They looked at each other after a moment and Jaebum’s eyes shined brighter than every twinkling star Jinyoung has ever witnessed lightening up the sky, making him wonder how someone could look so unreal and unapproachable like that even though this someone was literally at one arm reach from him.

 At a sudden snap, Jinyoung widened his eyes and looked down at between them, gaze drifting upwards again after a second has passed and reality has kind of sunk in. Jinyoung made a sound at the back of his throat, but it really sounded like a cough of some sort, “what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Don’t you need to…um, to… don’t you need to?” he tried, gesticulating with his hands and pointing down before biting onto his lower lip. Jaebum took one second or two to make it click, and then he was smiling so softly and cutely Jinyoung felt like protecting him forever just like he would to his most precious and important owning. But Jaebum wasn’t his, so he had to push the thought aside.

“I did already, but thank you for offering.” Jaebum replied before reaching in with his clean hand and stroking some disheveled strands of hair back to primness on top of Jinyoung’s head, the fondness of the gesture mirroring the look on Jaebum’s dark eyes.

 Jinyoung frowned, and then gaped in bewilderment, “you did? But you didn’t touch… I didn’t even see…”

“I came from watching you, from hearing you and feeling you. It wasn’t as powerful as yours had been because yeah, I didn’t stimulate it too much, but. It was wonderful still.”

 Jinyoung felt his face burn with embarrassment and something else, but he didn’t try to hide it because he thought it’d be very hard to disassociate that new brush of color from the already so flushed one that tainted his cheeks, neck and chest from before. His shyness must have showed some other way, though, since the next thing he was aware of was Jaebum’s arms awkwardly caging him in a hug, the man’s cute chuckle ruffling his raven hair as he practically collapsed on top of Jinyoung over the sofa.

 The gesture felt intimate, but what in that entire night didn’t? It was still awkward to let himself be enveloped in such an affectionate hug initiated by Jaebum when they weren’t walking through any commemoration that required some display of affection or endearment whatsoever. It was way more awkward that both of them sported some full boxers as they did so. And it was way, way more awkward that Jinyoung wasn’t thinking about the dramatic side of their relationship as they hugged (or at least trying really hard to). Anyway, he just let it be. Everyone had a day-off, and tonight was Jinyoung’s.

 The only preoccupation he allowed himself to have that one night was whether the boys would smell their orgasms on the loaded air right away, after arriving home from the cinema, or would they sleep on it and only start suspecting something on the day after, when Jinyoung wouldn’t stop staring at Jaebum’s hands across the table.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hurrrrr they finally gave the first step :o   
> though I’m yet to be sure about what is happening next, I guess mostly of the drama ended here. I mean, yeah, there’ll be a lot more drama but erm, the majority part of it is done, yay~ I'm hoping for some fluffy shit in the next chapter too so aye aye! :D
> 
> (ps: I also do hope the next chapter doesn’t come out this huge though, ‘cause damn.)


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you wait long? I’m so sorry. I’ve decided now, are you ready? ;)
> 
>  
> 
> ps: remember when I told you the drama was over? Don’t trust me.  
> ps-2: remember when I told you there would be some fluffy shit in this? Don’t ever trust me. I don’t control any of the things I write. I think they’ll go one way and they go another. Ugh.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

 The creamy white ceramic tiles of the bathroom walls felt cold against Jaebum’s skin when he rested his forehead against it, condensation mingling with the droplets of water that dotted his damp hair. One long and tired, sorrowful sigh slipped past his goldilocks lips. His head was a mess, and so did his feelings.

  _Turbulent_ was the only word Jaebum thought to be both appropriate and truthful enough as to describe how his feelings had been ever since last night, _tormenting_ being the one to define the uncomfortable pulling at his heart that came along every intimate memory flashing behind his closed eyes. Adrenaline still rampaged inside his guts, muscles prickling and mind buzzing, but did it feel tainted with undistinguishable fear and bloomed regret now. Another sorrowful sigh dragged its way out his mouth. _What have he done_.

 Of course, he knew it took two to do what he has done with Jinyoung the night before. Well, technically it didn’t, since masturbation could be just as assisted as it could be solo, but it definitely took two to make it go all the way and, consequently, it took the same two to deal with the heavy weight of the consequences earned. Jaebum knew that. Though that didn’t stop his brain from taking all the blame to himself and worrying over the delusional thought that he’d somehow forced Jinyoung to do something he didn’t actually want to.

 And the mere possibility of him being such a selfish prick to his best friend in favor of satisfying his own desires got him feeling impossibly sick, both in the stomach and mentally. The air vanished from his lungs and he had to hold himself up with one hand palmed against the wall of cold tiles, breath coming out shaky as he inhaled and exhaled repeatedly. Jaebum felt like throwing up midst his panic crisis in the bathroom.

 A part of Jaebum (the bigger part, really) wanted to believe that Jinyoung had allowed everything that had happened between them to actually happen in all his willingness. Not solemnly to give Jaebum some peace of mind or something like that by knowing he hadn’t really done anything wrong in indulging Jinyoung to give in, but because he secretly wished for the man to nourish the same kind of desires he does and have been doing all this time they’ve been friends.

 The other part (that almost non-existent part left in him that surprisingly influenced his mood and choices nearly as much as the rest) simply scoffed at his hopefulness and kept sending more and more negative thoughts to his brain about the whole situation turning chaotic and disastrous only to bring him down. Because everyone had that tiny self-depreciating part within themselves, and just like everyone else, Jaebum mournfully tended to listen to those words of hate instead of simply being optimistic.

 The way Jinyoung had disappeared from his side on the sofa in the middle of the night and hadn’t comeback since then wasn’t something that impelled his fighting spirit to be optimistic whatsoever. Maybe, more like probably, that’s been the center point and igniting fuel of his current panic crisis and lack of confidence.

 Jinyoung had left him and was back to avoiding him after their intimate moment on the sofa—moment Jaebum had appreciated immensely and treasured deeply—, just as though now he felt ashamed of what he’d allowed to happen, as if he’d been forced to do as such and now felt dirty and sickened by himself.

 Jaebum wanted to puke.

 But goddammit, Jinyoung had been so responsive one night ago. Jaebum could still feel the warmth of Jinyoung’s skin against the palm he now had splayed over the plain ceramic surface, could still feel the meek buzz of Jinyoung’s dick transforming into a wonderful throb under his keen fingers and reverberating through them like a surge of electricity, could still feel how Jinyoung _felt_ under his touch. That heated response Jinyoung had while Jaebum touched him had been unmistakably positive, even for Jaebum’s strong pessimism.

 Water still streamed down the shower in a hot flow against his nude back as he leaned over one tiled wall, but he was too lost in thoughts to go turn it off and save water to help preventing their environment from crumbling down to ashes. The only thing Jaebum cared to save at that moment was his sanity, as he flipped through his cards of memory to revive the steamy scene he played out with Jinyoung last night.

 Everything was still fresh, way too fresh on his mind. The way Jinyoung’s breath hitched and his body squirmed whenever Jaebum touched him intimately. The way his face flushed in bright shades of red, making him almost look like a comic tomato if seen under different circumstances. The way he accidently moaned so loud and wantonly when Jaebum did something particularly good with his fist around his cock.

 Jaebum unconsciously hissed at the memory, dick twitching as his mind recalled how gorgeous Jinyoung had looked with his spit-slick mouth agape and eyes snapped shut in concentration, pleasure dripping from every corner of his features. Everything was still too fresh. Too vivid.

 At that moment, when the last one of Jinyoung’s walls cracked and his façade shattered, Jaebum nearly drowned in the cocktail of embarrassment and arousal that were Jinyoung’s dark, blown eyes. It took him some mad willpower not to let go and finally sweep in to savor those peachy lips he’s been wondering the taste of for quite some time already. He should be applauded.

 Nevertheless, Jinyoung was still gone when Jaebum woke up after a quick nap on the sofa, at some ungodly hour in the very dawn. Just like a stupid scale, as the spot beside him got empty, his mind went full of unnecessary things he could be totally fine without. And he was left dumbfounded, lost, worried… and above all, he was left feeling tremendously guilty.

 What if he had pushed too much? Jinyoung had surely felt good at that moment, he was having one fucking great orgasm after all, but what if he’d regretted what they had done right after coming down from his high? What if he blamed Jaebum for being too insistent and pushy and now hated him for whatever reason that was there to be?

 His stomach dropped. That want to puke was crawling back up his throat, but he willed it down again.

 The thought of Jinyoung despising him burned a hole on his chest, the hot spray of water which hit his neck and trailed down the expanse of his body stinging his skin just as though it were pure alcohol being poured over an open wound. Jaebum dragged a shaky breath, the hundredth one that morning.

 The hand palmed against the tiles slid over the damp surface in one dramatically slow pace, reaching for the tap and shutting the water off. He wished those detrimental thoughts could go away just like the dirty he had scrubbed off of his body with soap, or even like the foamy water now draining down and through the grater, but they stuck, insistent and stubborn, like a permanent stain.

 After sullenly shaking off most of the water dropping from his limbs, Jaebum realized he had forgotten to bring his change of clean clothes along. Great. At least he hadn’t forgotten to bring one towel this time, the plain memory of how flushed Jinyoung had looked the last time he saw Jaebum coming through the corridor completely naked still doing painful wonders to him.

 Slipping the towel around his waist and knotting it by the edges, not even minding himself to dry the tiny drops of water from his torso and the soaked dampness off his hair, Jaebum walked out the bathroom and jogged down the hallway to the laundry room.

 With his mind full of thoughts and worries as he walked, Jaebum missed how the lights were on in the laundry and the soft hum of a washing machine echoed faintly through the hall, and it wasn’t until he stepped inside the space and watched in bewildered surprise how Jinyoung nearly jumped off his feet that he noticed how he wasn’t alone in there.

 Jinyoung looked like a little kid getting caught doing something wrong by his mother, and Jaebum would have laughed at it if it weren’t for his own nerves going impossibly off, just like the beating of his heart.

 It was Sunday, one rainy Sunday morning, therefore everyone was expected to be still dead asleep under the covers in their respective rooms, hunched around pillows and drooling on the sheets. But Jinyoung was awake, and so did Jaebum. And they somehow accidently crossed ways first thing in the morning. Jaebum couldn’t decide whether that was something good, but something deep inside of him hoped for the affirmative answer lying between the lines. Maybe it was that romantic side of him he so desperately tried to hide.

“Good morning.” Jaebum greeted after having awkwardly cleared his throat and closed the laundry room’s door behind his back after he’d made his way fully inside. Tiny and quiet was how his voice had sounded then, smeared in cautious even though he hadn’t intended for it to.

 The air felt odd and uncomfortable between them when Jinyoung blinked out of his apparent state of shock and mumbled an even quieter greeting back, occasional sounds of water swirling around in the washing machine soon filling the silence they left hanging afterwards, glances being shared back and forth for one moment or even two before the younger man turned around to face the washing machine again.

 Jaebum’s hands sweated just as much as they itched to reach for Jinyoung and make him turn back again. The sheer, naked anxiety lingering in that room was so strong and dense that Jaebum could practically grasp it and squeeze it in his hands, the feel making him dizzy and seasick.

 If there was something Jaebum abominated over anything else, it was when he fell into that land of bad and awkward terms with Jinyoung. He could barely tolerate it when his best friend treated him that distantly and troubled, he could barely deal with it without feeling like shouting in despair and throwing things against walls.

 Of course they usually argued and stuff, but when they argued it was the both of them being angered and showing it unabashedly in each other’s face, not this… tense and edgy avoidance of now. Throwing a tantrum at Jinyoung was one thing; being ignored and avoided by him was something else, something Jaebum hated with all his spirit.

 Something that was ironically happening right now, with Jinyoung’s back facing him and silence settling in.

 They waltzed around the subject in twitchy silence for uncountable minutes still, Jinyoung seemingly unbothered by Jaebum walking around with just one towel hugging his waist, and Jaebum trying to cope with the fact that Jinyoung currently wore one large shirt and nothing else, pants gone and likely getting washed in the washing machine and, from what Jaebum could assume with just one look, boxers too.

 It was hard to concentrate on anything other than the sinuous curve of Jinyoung’s perky butt disappearing under the wrinkled material of that obnoxiously big piece of cloth. Jaebum felt a demure spark of arousal coiling in the pitch of his stomach at the privileged sight.

 The inferred meaning of what had led Jinyoung to put both his pants and boxers that were worn last to wash separately from everything else and in such urgency caused Jaebum to smirk despite himself. Some insolent wave of flaming smugness numbed his senses as he thought about the sticky mess he’d felt with his hand shoved inside the man’s boxers the night before.

 There was something extremely mesmerizing in knowing he’d been the one to leave Jinyoung’s boxers so full of load that it needed to be washed almost immediately after so as to avoid some awestruck surprise to whatever other person that would do the laundry later. Mesmerizing, yes, and quite flattering even; but the worry, the fear of Jinyoung being regretful of what they’d done still buckled his guts in an agonizing way.

 Jaebum sucked in a breath and dejectedly turned on his heel. Walking up to one corner, he buried his hands into the laundry basket and roamed about in search of something clean and comfortable enough to wear, preferably his basketball shorts, even though what his fingers really craved to be touching was that fair and slight rosy skin of Jinyoung’s juicy thighs.

 Another jolt of burning arousal needled Jaebum’s stomach and this time it went as far as reverberating throughout the expanse of his awakening dick. _Good Lord_ , Jaebum really needed to get a hold of himself. And he stupidly tried to achieve it by sinking his hands further down the basket.

“Aren’t there any clean clothes on your closet?,” Jinyoung’s voice bloomed from the other side of the laundry room and Jaebum stirred on his spot, head turning just slightly to the side so he could glance at the other man without giving away the nervous blush creeping up his cheek simply by being addressed.

 Jinyoung, on the other hand, hadn’t moved a single muscle other than the ones around his mouth as he spoke. His posture, though a bit tense, remained unwavering and grounded, dark eyes fixed on the washing machine all along. If Jaebum hadn’t heard the man’s voice resonating around the room a moment ago and had just looked at him as he stood, there was no mistake he’d have thought that Jinyoung hadn’t said anything at all. But Jaebum heard him, crystal clear.

 Without any coherent thought about what kind of answer he should grace that question with forming on his mind, Jaebum pitifully opted for the dumbest and more evasive one he could muster. “Um, what?”

“You came all the way here to pick up some clothes,” Jinyoung explained softly, one hand reaching up to push at some buttons on the panel in order to set another wash cycle, “wouldn’t have it been easier to just go back to your bedroom and pick up something from your wardrobe, though?”, the washer did a funny noise and then ceased its humming, starting one sloppy type of agitation a moment later as it skipped the resting period and went to rinse and spin to remove the water. “Unless there are none in there.”

 Jaebum withdrew his hands from the laundry basket once he hasn’t found anything he felt like wearing, shoulders rolling in an awkward shrug as he stood. “No, not particularly, I mean. I just. Thought of coming here instead ‘cause I’ve put those shorts I like to wash last week and I wanted to wear them again today, so I came to check. And maybe pick up some shirt, too. Dunno.”

“They’re not in the basket. I folded them earlier, they’re in the cabinet.”

“Oh?,” there was a moment of hesitation as Jaebum looked between Jinyoung’s stoic profile and the small, white cabinet placed beside the washing machine, “oh, I see,” he nodded in understanding after one moment or two, “thanks.”

 The tiled floor of the laundry room felt characteristic cold against the naked soles of his feet as he turned on his heels, and it was only then that he noticed how he hadn’t bothered to put on some slippers after showering. Jaebum was used to it actually, walking barefoot around the dorm. Though that didn’t make the floor any less cold than it usually were, especially in rainy days like those of early Winter.

 As Jinyoung had said, the basketball shorts Jaebum dotted on were really in the cabinet when Jaebum opened it and peered inside, folded neatly and placed on the upper shelf. It was odd, to have any of their clothes that carefully arranged, that is; they usually just shoved them into their wardrobes and that’s it. But Jaebum wasn’t complaining. Just finding it awkward, if anything.

“You woke up early today.” Jinyoung pointed out right when Jaebum had retrieved the shorts from the shelf and was about to step into them, effectively bringing Jaebum’s movements to a halt as another jolt of adrenaline rushed through him because of that soft baritone.

 The thought of Jinyoung being so altruistically active in starting one conversation after another just so they’d keep talking brought some hopeful chills to rumble across his muscles and make him tense up. Jaebum really wanted to be hopeful in regards of that matter, faithful to believe he hadn’t screwed up everything by allowing his desires to speak through last night. And Jinyoung, in the softest way possible, was providing him that. Jinyoung was providing him hope.

 The washing machine kept humming in the background, and Jaebum limited himself to listen to it for a few moments before focusing back onto the basketball shorts he’d been clutching so tightly in between his hands they got awfully wrinkled. “Yeah. Didn’t get to sleep much.”

“Why?” This time Jinyoung glanced sideways at him, and the way Jaebum’s gut churned and contracted in an aftereffect to that single gesture bluntly reflected how edgy he was midst that strange game they’re currently playing, at the backroom they used for laundry affairs. Jinyoung’s eyes were so deep, characteristically dark and in contrast with the redness already so natural of his plush lips. Jaebum swallowed dryly, swallowing his words of how much he adored Jinyoung along.

 There was so much more lying behind that superficial conversation they were having, so much more that was left unsaid for the sake of their prides, but that could be read in between the lines as easily as it was done with one literature book. Yet they kept avoiding it, waltzing around the real point in that exchanging of words, prolonging this obnoxious feeling of dread smeared in fear that threatened to eat the both of them alive at any given second.

 Jaebum shrugging for the second time had been everything Jinyoung got for an answer, the question done then being left hanging in the air as a consequence to that lack of verbalism, but Jinyoung silently took it, nodding in knowledge. This time around, no one tried to come up with another subject.

 The loaded silence they fell into stretched as far as it could before Jaebum got totally fed up with it, shifting and internally snapping, unable to keep that any longer and just dragging one hand through his still dripping wet raven hair to pull at it by its roots in frustration.

 Jinyoung accompanied the movement with slight widened eyes, but before he could say anything, Jaebum did it first in a huff of air. “You weren’t there when I woke up.” There was a pause in which Jaebum wondered if he’d made himself clear by only that or should he explain himself further and maybe reformulate, deciding for the latter after watching how Jinyoung began furrowing his thick eyebrows at the words he’d just spit. “In the sofa, you weren’t there. You weren’t there when I woke up.”

 The movement of Jinyoung’s jaw slowly dropping and then snapping back shut with an audible clash of teeth had been brief, but Jaebum’s eyes were trained enough as to catch every second of it. Jaebum could swear he heard something clicking when Jinyoung locked eyes with him, but he wasn’t sure if that click had been the metaphoric representation of their bubbling feelings matching, or the actual sound of the washing machine finishing its last cycle.

 The somewhat mood-softening hum of the washing machine was gone, and now the silence felt duller than before. It was enervating, waging that awkward and wordless war with someone he was already so used to being in good terms with and talking freely to. Jaebum hated it, and he hated even more thinking that all that oddness between the two of them was mostly his fault.

 Of course, there was this small, really tiny part of Jaebum that whispered on his ear in a wisdom voice that, _maybe_ , he was purely overreacting things and making them sound way more dramatic than they actually were. That couldn’t be helped, though. Jaebum tended to overreact just as he tended to get hotheaded over the stupidest things, so whatever for now.

 He just wanted to get over with that awkwardness hanging in between their friendship like a third ball. Not that that meant their friendship had balls. Jaebum just sucked at making analogies and being metaphoric. He just wanted to quit being on the end of that avoidance treatment.

“The kids arrived half an hour after you dozed off,” Jinyoung cleared his throat, eyes flickering between Jaebum’s nose and chin and partially covered forehead, but never ever leaving his face. “I heard them talking far down the hall even before they reached the door,” he continued as chuckling a bit, the sound coming off strained and weak, “they would be too shocked if they saw us like that, and since you sleep like a stone, I stood up and dashed to my room when they came in. They must have seen you sleeping in there, though.”

 Mouth left ajar by what he’d just heard and mind working in one haphazard speed, Jaebum stuttered helplessly during the first two attempts of saying something, choosing to take a deep breath and reorganize his thoughts before attempting to spit out the third one.

 Luckily enough, on the third time he tried to speak up his mind, what came out through his lips actually made some sense even though he’d still sounded quite baffled while saying, “so you just left ‘cause you didn’t want us to get in trouble?”

“I didn’t want them to bother us with unnecessary comments. I knew you’d feel uncomfortable if they did.”

 Jaebum scoffed, more to himself than to anyone else. “I thought you had…” _regretted everything_ , his startled mind completed, but luckily his mouth only spit out the first part of that stupid and insecure confession. He shut up and carded his fingers through his wet hair, pushing his fringe backwards and out his forehead for a few moments before the rebel locks fell over his brow back again. There was this unbelievable grin stretching his lips as he thought about how dumb he’d been in that whole matter and how he had indeed overreacted over the whole thing and had been suffering over absolutely nothing.

 If Jaebum had been in his right state of mind right then, he would surely be scolding himself for jumping into conclusions so easily like that instead of simply speaking it all out and dealing with it as a grown up man. But his mind was foggy with relief for not being hated by Jinyoung, and his heart beat erratically fast inside his chest at the thought that, Jinyoung, being as mindful as ever, had sneaked out the living room the night before only because he didn’t want Jaebum to get all worked up and snap at their friends seeing something they shouldn’t and starting teasing them about it.

 Jaebum was sure he’d have gone off if either Yugyeom or Bambam had done a fuss over seeing Jinyoung and he cuddling on the sofa, and it was certain thing that his hand would have reached for Jackson’s neck if the guy had had the guts to shriek playfully and tease them about it. Not because Jaebum was ashamed of anything that had happened in that sofa, nor because he would have somehow took their friends’ teasing as something serious or even judgmental of any sorts. It wasn’t about that.

 The main problem, the trigger, was that the moment he lived with Jinyoung in the sofa had felt too intimate, and had been deeply meaningful for him. Since that event still was too recently engraved in his brain for his heart to heal and stop exaggerating every single thing that came after that, if someone had been funny about it at that time, he’d have snapped really ugly and awfully, even though despite himself.

 Thinking that Jinyoung knew him so well to the point of being aware of that and going out of his way to prevent such confront between them, it provided warmth to his heart. Jaebum felt ticklish, soft in the most ridiculous and mushy way. And it kind of irritated him, to feel that drawn for someone else, but every drop of anger that could have risen in him chest, dissipated the moment he regarded Jinyoung, still looking back at him with his eyebrows furrowed, as in deep thought.

 His heart did that thing again. That thing it always did whenever Jinyoung looked at him, smiled at him, touched him, or simply stood around to grace him with that wonderful presence of him. That thing where he felt extremely happy and melancholic at the same time; full of air and suffocated, cozily warm and freezing to death. That thing only Jinyoung managed to cause on him.

 Jaebum was naturally slow; not one to have the hell of a sharp thinking. However, he wasn’t as slow as to let that turmoil of heart-constricting feelings to pass unnoticed. He knew what they meant, even though some quite stubborn part of him still insisted in denying the obvious and labeling it as something—anything—other than the L word. Jaebum knew himself, and he knew what exactly Jinyoung meant to him.

 In counterpoint, the main problem lay in how he didn’t know what _exactly_ he meant to Jinyoung, hasn’t a single clue about it. Sometimes he thought the younger only saw him with friendly eyes, gripping onto the edges of their brotherhood and sticking to it like dear life. But, there were those flecks of moments where he’d swear he could see something else swimming in those dark pools too, something that reflected the deeper affection and longing that shone inside his own.

 That was confusing, not being able to outright read Jinyoung’s actions and tell right away whether the man felt something for him back or that’s just his way to show the gratitude and brotherly affection he nourished for Jaebum. Most of the times, that was the main motive as to why Jaebum wouldn’t ever talk about that matter openly; he didn’t know if there was an actual base and ground for him to build up a conversation in those regards.

 Therefore, he would simply let it as that and move on, swallow it up and turn the page. It was safer than risking something as instable as mutual feelings—or lack thereof.

 Jaebum still got a hold of those basketball shorts he claimed being his favorite, soft yet kinda rubbery material tightly squeezed between small fingers, bearing the strength Jaebum had put into his fist as to don’t let his anxiety show on his face. Jinyoung looked at him in a mix of confusion and realization he didn’t know quite well how to describe, so he simply gulped dryly and stared at it, mesmerized by the darkness of those beautiful depths.

 When Jinyoung finally spoke up, his voice came out wrapped in such a cautious, wary tone that Jaebum felt like crying in despair. “You thought I had what?”

“Never mind.” He’d been quick to reply, dragging one small sigh afterwards. That wasn’t the right time to bring it all up, considering how saying anything close enough to the truth would be giving his feelings away already. Jinyoung looked confused and lost already; telling him about how Jaebum had been feeling troubled all morning thinking he’d screwed up their friendship by surrendering to his inner desires would be too much. That wasn’t the right time, it just wasn’t; and Jaebum gloomily wondered whether there would ever be one.

 Despite everything, there still was a light shining at the end of the tunnel. A flickering one, weak and nearly fading out to mingle into the darkness, but it was a light nonetheless, and it shined. Jaebum grasped onto it like it was his lifeline.

 After waking up alone in the sofa, Jaebum had blamed himself for being too pushy and thus scaring Jinyoung off. It had been the hell of one heavy weight for his shoulders and conscious ever since then. However, Jinyoung told him otherwise now.

 There were no signs of fear, disgust, or despise in Jinyoung’s body language as Jaebum regarded him from the other side of the laundry room. A bit of some lingering awkwardness, yes, but then that’s that. Jaebum couldn’t even perceive regret in his friend’s posture, and if he wanted to be hopeful, he could swear the man’s body showed all the signs of being hyperaware and conscious of him right then, and totally alert of how he was still naked under that towel around his waist.

 He could feel Jinyoung’s eyes on him from time to time, glancing on his direction ever so often to then look away, pretending he hadn’t just done so. Something on the back of his mind pushed at the thought that Jinyoung had been checking him out for quite a while now, even probably from the very moment he’d entered the room and afterwards, and he’d been just too focused on thinking the worst that it had passed him by unnoticed.

 That was some hopeful train of thought, of course. But Jaebum entertained it nonetheless. After and above all, he did want to believe there still was something he could do to make them work. The light at the end of the tunnel was washy and it lacked strength but, differently than barely one week ago, now it was on. And it indeed shined, just as insistently as Jaebum’s hope.

 And really, that’s what had moved him right then, that metaphoric light glimmering in the darkness that is, prompting him to give wary, hesitant steps in Jinyoung’s direction until he was standing right behind the slight shorter man, relishing the way those not-really-broad-but-broad-nonetheless shoulders tensed up in what he hoped to be anticipation.

 It was cute how their practically non-existent height difference allowed him to nuzzle into Jinyoung’s hair if he wanted to, nudging the descending shape on the back of the man’s head with his nose in the most affectionate gesture he could perform, breathing in that fruity aroma their shared shampoo owned and reveling in it.

 Though he didn’t. He was already using from all of his courage and boldness stock to approach Jinyoung and stand behind him with the only thing hanging in between them being Jaebum’s towel. Quite a risk to be taken already; it’d be better not to just turn everything more awkward by involving cheesy feelings into the drama.

 Reaching forward, Jaebum held onto Jinyoung’s oversized shirt, right above the curve of his lower back, and pulled it up slowly, revealing more of Jinyoung’s thighs though that only by a few inches. There was this sharp intake of breath coming from his front then. Jaebum licked at his lips, moistening the dry flesh.

“Jinyoung-ah,” he called out, swallowing with difficulty after hearing the tiny sound Jinyoung did in the back of his throat as a response, a soft hum that sounded too much like a needy whine for his self-control to deal with, “why are you doing the laundry with only your shirt on?”

“The lower half needed cleaning…,” Jinyoung mumbled weakly, clearly too affected by Jaebum proximity to put more strength into his tone, and more resistance into his reactions. They were automatic, the needling rattles on his skin that shook awake whenever Jaebum stood that close and spoke that low.

 It’s been the same on the sofa last night, the same feeling of slowly getting drunk in arousal and hazy from craving. The only difference was that, now, Jinyoung’s body already knew what to expect after that erotic prelude, and thus it went more responsive and unabashed than before, avid to reach that state of nirvana it knew Jaebum could take it to.

 And blaming it on that recently acquired low resistance that also practically moved his body by its own, Jinyoung took the abandoned way with which he leaned back against Jaebum’s naked and slight wet chest as something that was beyond his power to be helped. It felt warm, the fierce body behind his back keeping him standing. Patches over the back of Jinyoung’s shirt turned moist from where tiny droplets of water once lingered as he very subtly arched his back, mouth gasping open when there was a familiar bulge pressing back against his butt in response.

 Jinyoung felt his stomach churning in excitation at the thought that Jaebum got turned on only by looking at him in that huge shirt and nothing else, and damn did he feel like rutting against the crotch behind him, indulging it into fully hardness, making it throb with want. But Jaebum’s hand that wasn’t attached to the back of his shirt and pulling it up agonizingly slow (despite the cloth finding some resistance to slip past their joined hips) had actually found its way to his waist to hold him in place, disabling any further movement from down there.

 The laundry room, filled with awkwardness and heavy silence only a few minutes ago, now harbored small sounds of labored breathing while sheltering one seductive, charged atmosphere. Jinyoung was sure things were escalating quickly once again, turning as dangerous as it turned hot, but he was already too far down the surface to try swimming back up and breathe now.

 Jaebum’s hand slid up from over Jinyoung’s waist, fingers dragging the worn material of the shirt along the way and exposing the mild tent that had been forming underneath. There was a short pause, where Jaebum withdrew the hand he had near Jinyoung’s lower back from between them and snaked it around to plant it down over the man’s outer thigh next.

 The keen shiver Jaebum felt reverberating beneath his fingers made him bite onto his lower lip, preventing himself from groaning out one curse at how tempting Jinyoung naturally was and another at how aroused that bastard always managed to get him by doing nearly nothing.

 It was infuriating sometimes, being that susceptible to Jinyoung. But since it has been kind of paid off with these intimate moments between them lately, Jaebum could almost forget about how much it hurt to not know whether his feelings were reciprocated, and being much of one scared ass to bluntly ask about it.

 Raking his nails upwards over Jinyoung’s thigh in slow motion, Jaebum leaned forward to rub his cheek against Jinyoung’s and then looked down at where his other hand flattened over clothed ribs, keeping the shirt crumpled in such a way that allowed him a nice and privileged view of Jinyoung’s growing erection. It looked beautiful, flushed pink and glowing, just like Jinyoung’s heated face.

“Umm. And why didn’t you put on another pair while washing this up?”Jaebum purred against the younger’s ear, grunting hoarsely just in time with Jinyoung’s attempt to roll his hips in seek of more friction, which then got denied once again only to have Jinyoung huffing out a woeful whine like a little kid that didn’t get what he wanted. Jaebum found it amusing, anyway.

“I…,” Jinyoung looked as though he got a fever when he turned his head to stare right at Jaebum’s eyes, cheeks tainted in an amiable shade of crimson, eyes glazed and slight unfocused, pleading to say the least. “Jaebum…”

 And then they were so close. Jaebum could feel Jinyoung’s warm breath ghosting over his upper lip as they breathed in each other’s spaces, and he was sure Jinyoung could feel his too. Their noses were touching given the position they got themselves into, and Jaebum feared getting lost in the inviting darkness that were the other’s doe eyes from upclose. He felt himself being dragged into that pair of black holes, enchanted and mesmerized by the promises he read in them, lulled by the uneven and pretty much enticing sound of Jinyoung’s breathing. And Jaebum wanted to fall, if he hadn’t already.

“We need to talk about last night.” Jaebum whispered, painfully soft. Jinyoung was staring at his lips and he felt self-conscious, licking at them for some dumb reason only his sudden outburst of nervousness could explain.

 Never ever had they stood this close before, so it indeed was a bit alarming to experience such proximity, just as it was completely comprehensible for Jaebum to have held his breath when Jinyoung parted his ravishing red lips to speak up and he could feel the ghost of them brushing against his own.

“We do…,” it came out as barely a whisper, but Jaebum caught both words, just as if they were the last lifebelt and he’d been thrown into the sea. He’d been afraid Jinyoung would avoid that matter as soon as he brought it up, avoid having that conversation and then running away from it, but since the man didn’t, Jaebum felt hopeful.

 Jinyoung was giving him all the right signs. He needed to keep going. “I need to know, Jinyoung-ah.”

“To know?”

“Did you want it?,” the question lingered in the air for one heartbeat before Jaebum rushed into adding, “to do that, with me, did you really want it?”

“You didn’t force me into anything, hyung, if that’s what you’re asking.” Jinyoung soothed while tilting his head and nuzzling his face into Jaebum’s neck, cheek rubbing against his jawline as he breathed in the tangerine aroma of Jaebum’s personal soap from his skin, “I wanted it. I still do.”

 Jaebum made an enlivening sound in the back of his throat at that, taking his hands off the other in a swift movement only to turn him around and press his body against the washing machine, reveling in the soft gasp Jinyoung let out while being manhandled. Their hips were once again meeting, but this time, since they were now facing each other, instead of feeling the shape of Jinyoung’s butt cradling his crotch, Jaebum was pleased to feel a matching bulge crushing against his own.

 They both moaned when Jaebum rolled his hips and the movement dragged the soft material of the towel in between them along Jinyoung’s still half hard dick, the friction feeling wonderful for both parts. One of Jaebum’s hands swept in to clutch at the back of Jinyoung’s neck and pull him closer, diving in to suck harshly at the pulse point in there.

 Jinyoung choked, brought his shaking fingers to grasp onto Jaebum’s humid hair and keep him in place. Dizzying spirals of arousal made his body jolt and tremble as his throat kept being beautifully nibbled by straight teeth. That felt indescribably amazing.

 Jaebum advances on Jinyoung had been so desperate after that, like the man was afraid everything would shatter and dissipate into thin air if he took it slow. The fierce grinding of Jaebum’s crotch against Jinyoung’s one got the younger breathless and seeking, though his back kind of ached every time there was a harder thrust in the dry humping that impelled his body backwards to collide with the washing machine surface.

 Not that Jinyoung actually wanted to complain about that, no. The almost voracious way with which Jaebum pressed onto him whilst doing wonders to his neck only turned him on to his boiling point, draining the most embarrassing mewls from him as though he lived for them. Jinyoung liked it rough, especially if it were Jaebum the one to be doing him so mercilessly good and fierce.

 And to top that, Jaebum’s bare chest and torso were so damn hot. Toned abdominal contracting sinfully every time he thrust forward, back muscles shifting and shivering as Jinyoung skirted the palm of his hands over it. Heat rattled underneath Jaebum’s tan skin, it felt as though he was on fire. There was absolutely nothing for Jinyoung to want to complain about. Damn his back.

“You’re quiet,” Jinyoung managed to comment in between huffs, noticing quite amusedly how his left leg had made its way up somewhere along the line to encircle Jaebum’s waist and press him even closer, his calf somehow digging into the back of the other’s thigh from under the towel to prompt him forward.

 Jinyoung felt the dampness of Jaebum’s mouth sliding away from his neck, and almost regretted saying anything because damn, did he miss the warmth of that mouth on his skin already. But then those piercing black eyes were looking at him, intense and intimidating as always, and he couldn’t help biting down on his own lip in nervousness, taking solace in how Jaebum followed the movement with hawk eyes right away.

 Apparently, Jaebum expected him to add something else to his previous remark, since the man kept staring at him with a curious look shadowing his expression. Jinyoung breathed inside out, trying to divert his thoughts from the whiny complaint regarding how Jaebum had stopped dry humping and sucking him altogether to something more… rational. “You’re from the dirty talking type. Weren’t you supposed to be saying something about it while on it?”

“Like what?,” and then there it was, the trademark smirk of Im Jaebum. Jinyoung knew he was up to no good, and strangely enough, that only caused one wicked spike of lust to shoot right through his dick. Funny how that same display of smugness would’ve angered and even annoyed him barely one week ago, and now, the most he felt like doing was answering back and getting along with the teasing.

“I don’t know…,” Jinyoung started and _god_ , he couldn’t possibly believe in what he was doing, engaging in such kind of conversation as rubbing his calf up and down Jaebum’s thigh, panting slightly when the towel got too loose from all the movement they’ve been doing up until now and threatened to fall down from Jaebum’s narrow waist. His heart still drummed on his ears at the prospect, anyway. “You could try saying how you liked my outfit, y’know.”

 Jaebum looked surprised at first, shock creeping onto his handsome features, and the first thought Jinyoung had was that, maybe, he’d done something wrong and accidently crossed the limits by trying to take part in that game of seduction. He wasn’t used to it, had never done something like dirty talking before. Therefore, maybe he’d failed in his attempt of being sexy and had sounded actually gross or silly or ridiculous instead.

 That had been the first interpretation he made of his friend’s expression, but then again, if there was something Jinyoung was terribly bad at, it was reading Jaebum. And such fact got proved not too many moments later, with Jaebum’s eyes sparkling with mirth and amusement as his whole body language changed from one of shock to one of predatory, perilous enthusiasm and keen interest.

“Oh, I like it. Too much.” Jaebum was purring out then, putting his hands to work by placing them on Jinyoung’s outer thighs again and traveling them upwards, raking the edges of that obnoxiously huge shirt—that had slipped a few inches down—until his fingers were flattened over the expanse of Jinyoung’s ribs. “You look so handsome right now.”

 In a sudden surge of boldness, Jinyoung hooked his index finger around the edge of Jaebum’s loosely knotted towel and tugged at it until the knot fell open and the fluff material slid down those toned legs, pooling at Jaebum’s feet. Jinyoung smirked faintly, looking downwards as he said, “so do you.”

 There was this brief moment where they were both silent, eyes drinking in the planes of their nudity, blown pupils reflecting their appreciation and hunger for each other. Oh, Jaebum was liking it so much, though being caught off guard at first. He was simply _loving_ it all.

 The air felt impossibly charged, had done so for quite a while; but Jinyoung was feeling lewd, so instead of backing away and running back into his shell like he would usually do in those situations, he simply threw his head back and regarded the man in front of him with his best lustful stare, looking challenging and inviting like never before.

 Jaebum was fully naked, and just one step away from being pressed against Jinyoung’s own bareness. His mind worked nimbly and in a daze of aggressively aroused emotions, his attention facing troubles in focusing at one thing at once since he couldn’t decide whether to stare at Jinyoung’s defy eyes or proud erection hanging in between them.

 Everything was happening so fast, it was hard to believe they were really doing what they were doing. It felt too… unreal. But at that moment, with his cock showing pulsing signs of sheer interest, he couldn’t properly care about the surrealism of that. Didn’t want to. Wasn’t going to.

“I love how you look at me when you’re turned on,” Jaebum confessed after a while, hoping to god his voice hadn’t sounded as shaky and affected as he suspected it had. Jinyoung hummed whiningly at that, licked the dryness away from his own lips.

 Those enchanting lips; Jaebum wondered whether it’d be appropriate to attempt having one kiss from them now. Fortunately, Jinyoung seemed to have been drifting into similar pondering right then, if the way the man inhaled stutteringly while bringing himself to stare at Jaebum’s parted lips was clue enough.

 Jaebum’s hands shook where they still held onto Jinyoung’s ribs, warmth buzzing beneath his fingertips, senses hyperaware of how the other started leaning forward although very subtly, holding his breath as Jinyoung’s plump lips brushed the corner of his mouth. “Please just… don’t change after this.” And then, their mouths joined.

 It was so heartbreakingly hesitant, the first peck of their lips. There was this pressure, this heavy strain leading their movements, just as if one of them was going to snap at any given moment and end whatever shit was happening in between them. Jaebum didn’t dare to move, eyes still open and staring foggily at Jinyoung’s also opened ones. They were warily regarding each other despite the proximity that blurred their sights. Stiff and awkward, they remained for a few moments.

 But then, the feeling of finally tasting those luscious lips of Jinyoung was so overwhelming. Jaebum felt himself parting his lips tentatively, tongue darting in between them to lick at Jinyoung’s mouth. It dragged languidly along the moist flesh, teeth getting bold and nipping at the soft surface, and then Jinyoung quietly moaned into de caress, letting his eyes slip shut and trusting himself to Jaebum.

 The moment Jinyoung began corresponding to the kiss with matching intensity and want, was the very same moment Jaebum realized how fucked up his feelings for his friend had gotten him. Closing his own eyes as dragging one hand up from sharp ribs to long neck, Jaebum grunted huskily and deepened the kiss, mind stuttering when he felt fingers sneaking in between their bodies and barely grazing his bare chest, tentative, in an odd mixture of bold and uncertainty that made his dick throb with yearning.

 Jaebum loved to read, had read a lot throughout his life. And as a dedicated reader, he had always doubted all that drama and overreacting feelings they tended to put into characters whenever the genre fell into something romantic-ish. Many were the times where he found himself scoffing at how exaggeratedly they narrated someone’s emotions during specific moments of intimacy, making use of difficult adjectives only to embellish what had probably been just a flutter on stomach.

 Jaebum had always been skeptic of those unrealistic broaching of subject. However, now, right now, with Jinyoung panting against his lips as they tilted their heads in opposite ways to make the nearly desperate and avid kiss work just right for both, he felt compelled to believe in every one of them.

 The air did have been stolen from his lungs when their mouths slid together in smoothness, the initial oddness long forgotten and overcame. His heartbeat did thrum wildly through his body until his ears buzzed and skin tingled. There was this strange mixture of hot and cold flushing his gut. Everything felt as obnoxious and overreacting as it was portrayed in the books he read, if not more. With Jinyoung, everything felt highlighted. There was no such thing as exaggeration in the way that man made him feel.

 The kiss turned sloppily at some point. A thin rope of saliva connected their mouths, more of it dripping down their chins as they kept going on and on fervently, the wet sound of their lips gliding over each other giving off an incredibly erotic feel to the moment.

 Jaebum’s blood boiled inside his veins, arousal spiking up like numbers in a graphic, and he couldn’t help getting a bit rough after Jinyoung sucked on his tongue while moaning wantonly, shoving his body forward and compressing Jinyoung’s against the washing machine, dragging his hips over the man’s squirming one until their crotches perfectly aligned. They both groaned in mind-blowing bliss.

 Jaebum thrust his hips up, sliding his leaking dick along Jinyoung’s. He could feel the way Jinyoung shook in ecstasy while circling his arms around his neck, clinging onto him like dear life, forearms shivering from the rumbles that rattled underneath his heated skin. And _fuck_ , Jinyoung was making those noises again. Those sinful noises of uncontrolled pleasure that only got Jaebum feeling hornier, desire coiling in the pit of his stomach and burning him inside out.

 He wanted nothing but to engrave those little gasps and breathless whimpers into his soul while fucking him senseless. Jaebum groaned dangerously low in his throat at the thought, the almost shy swaying of Jinyoung’s waist against his doesn’t helping one bit to restore his self-control.

“I love the sounds you make,” Jaebum absently blurted out his thoughts, continuing to rut against Jinyoung, cocks sliding and balls pressing together in an obscene but good as fuck way, “you sound so sexy when I’m going down on you, did you know that?”

 Jinyoung whimpered, overwhelmed, leaning forward to mouth at Jaebum’s sweaty neck. Jaebum moaned real deep when Jinyoung lapped his tongue over the glistening skin and sucked on it afterwards, the low rumble reverberating across reddened lips. It was all so fucking sexy. They both felt drunk as their breaths went out in huffs, stomachs contracting with arousal and dicks pulsing impossibly and pleasantly painful.

 There were loud thuds echoing through the room every once in a while, Jinyoung’s lower back creating them by crashing harshly against the washer’s front every time Jaebum snapped his hips forward with fierce strength. It did hurt during the first times, but then the pain turned so inciting and stimulating he gave up on trying to fight it back.

 And that was so absurd, because if someone ever told him he’d be getting that hard by having Jaebum nearly breaking his back by rutting against him like an animal in heat, he’d laughed really bad. Jinyoung preached to like calm, gentle sex the most, based on his previous experiences. Getting that rough with someone wasn’t one of his topmost considered fantasies, had he never even dreamed about doing that in his life. Well, at least not until Jaebum came with that fucking book over one week ago.

 Only the thought of going rough and hard on Jaebum would give him a boner, and he couldn’t really believe that such thing was actually happening right now. Of course, the sharpness of Jaebum’s rock hard cock sliding with easiness over his leaking crotch was something very convincing, but still. Everything just felt like a wonderful wet dream, and Jinyoung was so afraid of waking up. He wanted it to be real.

 And god, did it feel maddening real when he felt himself being lifted up from the ground by manly hands gripping at the underside of the crack between his thigh and butt, holding him in place when he squirmed in surprise, propping his legs open as so to fit himself in between. Jaebum was pressed firmly against him one heartbeat later, filling the gap proportioned by the new angle of his legs with mastery.

 A weak wail left his kiss-swollen lips as he realized how _deeper_ Jaebum seemed to reach with his dry humping in that position, their chests bumping and heaving with labored, ragged breathing. But, even though his crotch felt incredibly sensitive and full of load already, there was another part of him that pulsed deliciously in anticipation of being also touched and filled with something, part that Jaebum apparently had been ignoring on purpose.

“Put it in.” Jinyoung choked out, hazy with pleasure and desperate for the release he could feel he was so damn close to, nodding almost frantically at Jaebum when the man focused those promiscuously dark and widened eyes on him, startled, caught completely off guard by that blunt proposal.

  Jaebum fought to regulate his breathing, but it was getting so difficult with Jinyoung hiccupping whimpers in his state of seeking bliss, getting lost in delight and hooking his legs around Jaebum’s hips to pull him even closer. There was an angry spurt of pre-come shooting out of his dick as the thought of properly wrecking Jinyoung numbed his mind, mouth gasping open and breath hitching.

 His brain was dangerously diving into an unclear ocean of turbulent waters where a twinkling light ghosted around the very deepness of it, inviting, calling, pulling him down. His breath was now coming faster than before, matching Jinyoung’s, just like the desperate grinding of their leaking shafts.

 Even in the haziness of his mind, Jaebum still had the conscious that it’d be a mistake to go all the way with Jinyoung that morning. They were allowing themselves to be taken by their desires, led by this crazy attraction they nourished for one another, but they weren’t ready to give that last step. They had so many things to talk about yet. Though it’d have felt amazing to feel how tight Jinyoung could squeeze him, and how hot it was inside there, it’d cause more damages than benefits for the both of them later on. They had to sort that matter out first.

 Jaebum clenched his jaw in an attempt to hold himself back, opting to release his pent-up through sliding his dick up and down against the crack right under the man’s balls, Jinyoung writhing at the stimulation. He had to fight for enough breath to answer, shaking his head as focusing on finishing them up instead of walking into that precarious land of feelings his brain started trying to drift to, “No. S’too soon.”

“Please—please, hyung, s’not. I want you. Wanna feel you. Inside.” The other insisted, the whining so characteristic of Jinyoung’s persona despite the words sounding so unfamiliar and foreign coming from his mouth. He’d always picked Jinyoung for the unable-to-dirty-talk type, though the man had done a good job in the few attempts he had tried to do so far. But that last part, Jinyoung being so open about what he wanted, that did surprise Jaebum, and god, in the best of the ways.

 Jaebum regarded him under lowered lashes, pondering. The thought that, maybe, Jinyoung would spurt those sinful things and likewise dirty talk really expertly while comfortable and aroused enough occurred to him, awakening his interest and shooting heat throughout his whole body, calling the peak of his orgasm in a sultry voice. That was just so hot, he couldn’t wait to discover whether that was true or not, especially if the only way for him to discover it was _practicing, practicing_ and _practicing_.

“Next time. Next time, ‘kay? I promise. Next time.” He closed his eyes, running the tip of his nose from Jinyoung’s neck to his cheek, breathing him in, taking in the saltiness lingering on his skin.

 Jinyoung’s cheeks were so red. They were of a deeply alluring shade of crimson. His neck and ears followed the same pattern of color, flushed and glowing, though in a softer tone than his face. Jaebum once again admired how beautiful the younger man was. It had become another of his bad habits.

“Jaebum, I’m s-so close…” Jinyoung breathed out between one wicked moan. Jaebum grunted, swept in to capture those cherry lips in one sloppy kiss, swallowing the enlivening sound and reveling in the soft gasp Jinyoung did.

 The kiss lasted for only a few seconds, though; broken by sharp pants. Jaebum leaned in to rest his forehead against Jinyoung’s, noses nuzzling together in unmentioned but noticeable affection. “Then stain us, babe. Come.” And then Jaebum was groaning in amusement, drunk by the little whimpers that left Jinyoung’s mouth as the man got lost in his own thrill, reaching what looked to be one _wonderful_ orgasm. He looked down only to admire the thick ropes of pleasure that milked away from Jinyoung’s cock. It was stunning. Jaebum felt wonderstruck.

 The glide turned smoother then, languid and erotically daggled, sticky with cum. Jinyoung was still moving his hips when his tired eyes flew open again, lidded eyes staring dazzlingly at Jaebum as though he weren’t real. Jaebum had his brow furrowed in concentration, mouth agape and panting, dark depths traveling upwards slowly to lock with the other’s. They looked back and forth for what felt like an eternity.

 And the spell was only broken by Jaebum’s sudden shriek, the man nearly jumping off his feet when he felt cool fingers wrapping around his aching dick and starting to grope it alongside Jinyoung’s spent one. The new stimulation sent electricity to run inside his veins, and he choked out whimpering sounds he’d be completely embarrassed of later. Jinyoung bit onto his lips at that reaction, satisfied on full blast.

  It was when he felt the foreskin being dragged up and down along the movement of Jinyoung’s hand that Jaebum cursed, snapping his crotch into the tight hold one last time before coming undone. In his daze, he could still hear his friend humming in appreciation, and that caused him to shiver allover, marveled at it.

 As soon as they both came down from their respective highs, crashed onto each other and against the washing machine, Jaebum put Jinyoung’s trembling legs back down and over the floor, hands sliding up from juicy thighs to cradle one heated face. There was a meek smile tugging at the corners of Jinyoung’s mouth, and an adorable crease adorned the edges of his lively eyes. Jaebum brushed his thumb past one cheek as he pecked the other lovingly. Everything felt so intimate, just like it did the night before.

“Are you sneaking away this time too?,” he couldn’t help himself but to ask, voice sounding more vulnerable and fearful than he’d intended for it to do.

 If Jinyoung was going to run away from him as soon as they calmed down entirely, then Jaebum wasn’t going to let him go this time. And it showed in the way Jaebum unconsciously tightened his hold on Jinyoung’s face, and in the pled shining in his eyes as he stared right back into Jinyoung’s ones.

 Jinyoung, on the other hand, simply shook his head while bringing his clean hand to rest over Jaebum’s chest, smiling weakly after his fingers had rattled with the echo of the uneven heartbeat lying underneath. “No.”

 Jaebum nodded, not even trying to hide the radiant grin that bloomed onto his slight swollen lips, and then that was it. Further words weren’t shared after that, they didn’t need to be. At least for now, everything that mattered for the moment had been said, and the both of them knew better than to try talking about those deeper subjects hanging in the back of their minds and end up ruining the light—though dramatically gloom—mood. No, that was for later. They would stick to what they had for now. That was already enough.

 

 Jinyoung chewed on his lower lip as watching his own reflection in the mirror. Red, redder, some color similar to magenta tainting patches of skin here and there, and more red. His neck was a disgrace. And so did the hollow path leading to his collarbone. Everything was marked.

 Jinyoung was marked.

 As Jaebum’s.

 He hastily thumped down the bubbly feeling that threatened to crawl up his throat and make him choke. The butterflies in his stomach seemed to be throwing a fucking party, once they couldn’t stop dancing around his guts ever since what happened that morning, in the backroom they used for laundry. It was hateful, that obnoxious hope that ate him alive a little bit further every time he breathed, and that always crawled back despite Jinyoung doing his best to shoo it away.

 Jinyoung sighed, resting the heel of his hands on the edge of the porcelain sink. His heart still fluttered for what had happened earlier with Jaebum, but it also ached right now, as he flipped through the thoughts he’s been archiving to go through later. Everything was so confusing, and he didn’t know if it was because yes, things with Jaebum were actually really complicated and confusing, or if it was him the one who complicated them. The only thing he knew was that they weren’t easy to deal with, at least for him.

 Things started crumbling down the day before, when what was supposed to lead only to an uncomfortable conversation about erotic books led to something else, something bigger. The very limit he didn’t want to cross with Jaebum in fear of destroying them, they had crossed; and now it was like the both of them were dancing rumba on the other side of the line.

 That was simply disastrous, the both of them throwing cautious through the window and surrendering to the mutual attraction they discovered to exist in between them last night, so why did Jinyoung feel so accomplished and internally beaming at the same time guilty worked as a corrosive liquid in his veins? Why was he feeling like he’d done the right thing despite everything hinting he’d done the wrong one?

 Ever since the beginning, Jinyoung had preached his fears of trying something with Jaebum to be solemnly regarding the dynamic of their group and how the two of them doesn’t working out would affect the seven of them. He’d measured the pros and cons, taking in consideration how every of them would feel in such twist of events. Nevertheless, after breaking his own rules and giving that bigger step with Jaebum, he realized how, in fact, it wasn’t just about that at all.

 Of course, there also was this issue of Jinyoung harboring romantic feelings for Jaebum. There had been a moment where Jinyoung couldn’t proper name it, labeling it as just some exaggerated tenderness that blossomed from their long-time friendship and only that.

 It was more like he didn’t want to acknowledge it than he couldn’t do as such, actually. Because deep inside, Jinyoung knew. He knew that it wasn’t something as innocent as brotherly affection anymore; it was way bigger. And the events of past night and early morning only reinforced it.

 Now he understood what the whispery voice inside his head had meant when it said that the dynamic he had with Jaebum was so good and strong that worked as a silent confession; confession of what, Jinyoung now knew.

 Jinyoung loved Jaebum, in every possible meaning that single word carried. It was painful clear now. And maybe that’s why his heart felt so heavy as he admired the burgundy patches of color tainting the expanse of his neck, the ghost of Jaebum’s lips still buzzing in there like an echo. He was in love with his best friend, and although this best friend of his showed clear signs of being interested and wanting him back, that wasn’t what he truly wanted. Jinyoung wanted more, more of what he could never have.

 Jaebum being attracted by him to the point of desiring him in ways that crossed the holy barrier of friendship was already great enough. Jinyoung wouldn’t fool himself by hoping the man would also feel something for him in the complicated field of heart attached feelings. He should be thankful, right? For the little he got. The thing was that he wasn’t, and pretending everything was ok when it actually wasn’t, hurt.

 There were two knocks on the door, to which Jinyoung stiffened and nearly jumped. His eyes switched from his image in the mirror to the brownish wood of the bathroom door, staring at it anxiously while one of his hands unconsciously reached for his neck and the dark red hickeys on it. “What is it?”

“ _Gotta pee._ ” It was Jackson, naturally hoarse voice muffled by the door but recognizable as always. There was a weak thud coming from the other side and Jinyoung assumed that the man had leaned against the door as waiting for it to be opened, had seen him doing it several times before.

 Jinyoung pursed his lips and sighed heavily through his nose, back to studying the marks on his neck through the mirror for another minute, rolling his eyes when there were three more knocks being delivered to the door in a hasty rhythm. “M’coming, calm the damn down.”

“ _You try sayin’it to my bladder,_ ” he whined and then tried turning the doorknob a few times before realizing it was locked from the inside, huffing out one childish whimper and whining even more avidly than before, “ _c’mon, c’mon, c’monnnn. Y’know I can’t hold it in for too long._ ”

 Groaning as loudly as he could to fully express his annoyance, Jinyoung picked up the towel he had placed over the sink after finishing his bath and wrapped it around his neck, one smart excuse for it already on the tip of his tongue in case Jackson questioned it. Not that he really thought Jackson would, though; the man was on a mission after all, he’d be likely focusing on reaching the toilet above everything else.

 But Jinyoung knew Jackson, and he knew how sharp and extremely perceptive of his surroundings the man could be even with his mind focusing on something else, so he had to be careful. He still wasn’t sure whether it was a good thing for the others to know what was going on, at least not right now. They should get into an agreement first, Jaebum and he, about what they wanted to make of whatever shit they were allowing to happen in between them.

 And damn, it’d be so _easy_ to settle everything up had them manage to focus in anything other than getting each other off whenever they were left alone. It was just uncontrollable, Jinyoung knew that. But things were getting kinda out of hand as it seemed, and a serious conversation about the matter turned out to be highly needed in that step of events.

 One towel wrapped around his waist and another around his neck, Jinyoung marched to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open in one swift move, waiting for Jackson to stumble forward or at least trip on himself, since the man was likely focusing his weight against the wooden surface from what Jinyoung knew of him.

 And it happened just as he had thought it would, Jackson nearly falling flat on his face by tripping forward, but he caught himself in the last moment and straightened up, dashing to the toilet whilst awkwardly lowering his sweatpants, doesn’t even waiting for Jinyoung to go out to make a use of it. Jinyoung made a face at that, not really willing to see Jackson’s butt but seeing it nonetheless once the man unnecessarily pushed his pants past his thighs to free whatever needed to be freed as to accomplish his goal of peeing comfortably. Well, at least he didn’t get caught with dozens of hickeys blemishing his neck, so whatever.

 Making sure none of his hickeys were showing by discreetly glancing at the mirror and checking his reflection one last time, Jinyoung braced himself to go out of what he was already starting to consider a refuge for his edgy nerves, not really minding his friend soundly using the toilet from across the room.

 And he got as far as to give two steps towards the doorway before he heard his name being called back, Jackson looking over his shoulder to emphasize how he had yet something to say to him before he was gone. Jinyoung turned back around, waiting. The material of the towel around his neck made the sensitive skin of the hickeys to itch a bit, but there was not a chance in hell of him reaching for it right then to give it a well desired scratch and risk being discovered. He bravely resisted to it.

“We’re meeting up in the living room in a bit,” Jackson informed after finishing up and pressing the flush, dragging his sweatpants all the way back up while walking to the sink, “talk night, y’know.”

 Jinyoung knew very well what talk night meant, so he simply hummed and then more than gladly walked out the bathroom, leaving Jackson behind to wash up his hands and being completely oblivious to the way the older smirked to himself after having looked at the towel around Jinyoung’s neck as he walked away.

 He dashed to his bedroom once there was no one in sight along the corridor, opting to just hide all those accusatory marks underneath one black cotton turtleneck cardigan he usually kept in the far back of his wardrobe, thanking god it was a chilly night and he could use his my-throat-is-sensitive-to-cold-nights-like-these excuse to get away with wearing it at home. It was perfect. Jinyoung was glad for it.

 Everyone was gathered in the living room when Jinyoung went out, likely entertaining a conversation already, if the already so characteristic way of them all sitting in a circle on the floor was something to go by. Because it was already a thing among them, those small meetings in the dorm they did every so often; the talk nights. They had this habit of gathering about and talking out the shits that have been bothering them throughout the month, or if it was an emergency, throughout the week, as a way of keeping their group relationship healthy and balanced.

 Whenever someone was feeling troubled about something, or some of them were in bad terms with each other for whatever reason that might there be, they’d all sit down in a circle and talk it out until the person would come back to his senses, or they’d get into an agreement of some sort. And surprisingly enough, that has been working out flawlessly and smoothly so far.

 Therefore, meeting up to blow off some very needed steam had become something like a monthly ritual for them, and they must admit, both their group dynamic and bonds of friendship have never been better, greater or stronger whatsoever.

 Jinyoung looked around before dragging himself further into the living room. Jackson was also back from the bathroom by then, and he currently tried to explain something to the rest of the guys whilst gesturing with his hands enthusiastically, putting emphasis in the words he thought to be important enough for the others to focus on. He was really engrossed into trying to make his point in there, so Jinyoung quietly joined the six of them on the floor and tried to catch up the most he could.

 It didn’t take long for Jinyoung to spot Jaebum, seated on the other side of the circle, and he didn’t know why he held his breath as soon as his eyes took in the other’s mesmerizing side profile, but he did. Those twin moles that adorned Jaebum’s eyelid were just so beautiful. Jinyoung found himself staring at them, silently hoping to god that the adore he felt for those little beauty dots didn’t outright reflect on his eyes.

 After doing what they had done in the laundry room earlier, there hadn’t been many words shared between them. Not that they had somewhat fell into odd terms again, it wasn’t that; it was just that they didn’t really feel like talking about anything at all right then, save from striking up silly comments about how gross they were and how they would have to clean up again. Trying to bring up any kind of a more serious talk at that moment didn’t feel right, so they just didn’t. And that’s that.

 The rest of the day had dragged itself with both of them being so busy with parallel things popping up here and there that they had barely seen each other around the dorm, even less trying to have a conversation about what the heck they were doing and how dangerous that could be. Therefore, Jinyoung just chose to be patient and wait for the right moment to bring it up.

 And the right moment, Jinyoung mused, definitely wasn’t right now, in the middle of their monthly gathering for opening up hearts and spilling out what have been bothering them for the past month, even though said gathering had been founded specially for that matter. Sort of. Whatever. But the moment wasn’t right.

 For the sake of paying at least a bit of attention to what Jackson was complaining about in respect of their friendship, Jinyoung tried to ignore his own troubled thoughts and settled in, forcing the focus of his mind to switch from Jaebum to Jackson, for the first time really listening to what came out from the other’s shaped mouth.

 Really, the motive behind that sudden meeting wasn’t something as emergency-esque as Jinyoung had firstly assumed it to be once he listened to it fully. Jackson was simply letting out his worries and taking one heavy weight away from his heart. There had been things that displeased him, there had been things that hurt him, and he was there to sulk and whine about them all to the top of his lungs.

 Jackson was on his right; it was better to let it out than to hold it in and do all the suffering alone. They were a family after all, and they should help each other out whenever someone was in need of some shoulder to cry on. And Jinyoung supported Jackson’s initiative to gather everyone and point fingers at their attitudes with all his heart.

 But _god_ , had he been listening to barely anything the man was saying since he could only focus in Jaebum, sitting only a few steps away from him, and in Jaebum alone.

 The skin of his safely covered neck prickled allover only by looking at Jaebum. He watched in embarrassing awe how Jaebum’s mouth twitched whenever he was about to strike a comment here and there in the conversation, the memory of how that same mouth had felt against his skin only a couple of hours ago making him bite onto his lower lip to prevent a whine.

 And Jaebum’s voice sounded so smooth and manly whenever he spoke out his mind in regards of the matter being discussed, it brought back inconvenient memories to flash at the back of Jinyoung’s mind like damn lit fireworks. One spark of yearn buzzed through his veins before he could try and thump it down. Jaebum was just so naturally sexy, and Jinyoung was so fucking weak for him. It was ridiculous.

 Jinyoung literally flinched when Jaebum casually moistened his own lips while listening to whatever one of their friends was currently saying, unhelpfully remembering how rough those lips could kiss him, and how sweet they tasted against his tongue.

 Mark eyed him oddly by his side, and Jinyoung wondered whether his inner turmoil of emotions had somehow leaked through his expression, but if his friend had something running on his mind right then, he didn’t share or make a comment on it. And that was one of the things Jinyoung hated the most about Mark; he was always so considerate it annoyed Jinyoung. Strangely enough, that was also what he loved and appreciated the most in the older guy. Go figure.

 But that wasn’t the point right now. The point was, Jaebum got some mad power over Jinyoung, now way stronger than then, and he constantly felt as though he were a satellite and Jaebum were a planet, so he kept revolving around him despite himself.

 And the force of gravitational interaction between them, the satellite and the planet, reflected in Jinyoung’s every move once he couldn’t help himself but accompany and follow Jaebum’s lead, as detrimental as that could sound, and actually be. Jinyoung was far too gone to care about that all, though. He was far too gone, indeed.

 As a mocking joke of fate (or should he call it destiny? Really, that was whatever), Jaebum looked at him right in the less fortunate moment possible, when he was busy sulking with his own tormented feelings while turning them into trash poetry in his head. And his emotional side was so messed up, so awfully wrecked that, when their eyes locked in each other, Jinyoung choked out a gasp and widened his eyes, looking pretty much with a deer caught in highlights.

 And the worst was that, after watching his reaction for three or four seconds, Jaebum _fucking_ snickered.

 Jinyoung wanted to punch him. Oh, had he wanted it for so many years already. But just like every other time that that sudden want blossomed in his chest, Jinyoung simply rolled his eyes as though Jaebum was just being silly and laughing at his face for nothing and then looked away, not really bothering to acknowledge the hateful flutter that now took a fierce hold of his chest.

 However, something felt different this time. Things have felt different ever since they engaged in reading that erotic book together—which they’ve nearly forgotten about by now, or perhaps only Jinyoung did. Whatever. The main point was that, ever since then, something have definitely shifted in between.

 Maybe it was the fact that they’ve broken those never mentioned but definitely still there boundaries by kissing, even getting each other off one time or two, that have changed things. Maybe it was the flattering heat he now saw burning in Jaebum’s raven eyes whenever they were focused on him that did. Maybe it was all about how their mutual attraction looked so obvious now that they knew about it.

 Jinyoung couldn’t be sure of what have been the triggers, he couldn’t find it in him to say what have changed, but it was there. It was _right there_ , in the way Jaebum regarded him from across the circle they were all sitting around. It was in the way Jaebum smiled one crooked smile when Jinyoung glanced at him again. It was in the way Jinyoung couldn’t help smiling back, allowing the corners of his eyes to wrinkle like it was already so usual of them.

 Something did shift between Jaebum and he, something did change. And once again, as they all talked Jackson into feeling less troubled by sorting out the things that had pissed him off, Jinyoung couldn’t stop himself from hoping it had changed for the better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is official, I have no idea where I’m going with this.
> 
> But hey, their relationship is giving steps, isn’t it? I mean, they’re almost confessing to each other, right? There’s just a whole bunch of drama in the way, but they’re almost there, right?? Only a couple chapters more and we’re done, right?/?? (I don’t know either so don’t worry kkekeke)  
> I’ve been really busy with college, that’s why I kind of disappeared. And probably the whole year will be like this ‘cause fuck the amount of paperwork I have left to do is no joke. So I’m really sorry for taking so long to update, but heh.
> 
> This being said, umm. Yeah. See you next time? Lololol take care, y’all! :D


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii :D 
> 
> I'll quietly leave you with the new chapter but first, check this fanart inspired by the laundry room scene in Erotica Chap4! Thank you so much @ mikirogers for drawing such an amazing work, and for gracing me with this wonderful gift. I still have no words to describe how much I loved this, how touched I felt. Thank you, from the deepest of my heart. You know I love you.
> 
> Ok. Now let's get right into it ;)

 

 The next few chapters haven’t been as interesting as Jinyoung had expected them to. In fact, they’ve been kinda boring and lacking if anyone was ever to ask for his personal opinion. He kept reading them nonetheless, one after another and another after another, flipping through the pages of that infamous erotic book as he went.

 Ok, maybe it wasn’t the story that has gotten tedious. It had its charm still, and it kind of pushed him forward to keep on reading and reading because truth be told, he was truly curious as to know how that all would end. However, he wasn’t just about as _eager_ as he’d been in the beginning of that journey anymore.

 His interest in the book Jaebum had engaged them into reading together had appalled somehow. What was a striking contrast with how definitely not appalled his interest in Jaebum had become throughout the days.

 That push and pull game they were playing was getting out of hand, really. Jinyoung would wake up every dawn panting and covered in sweat, his mind still immersed in the wet dream he’d have just had, hands grasping at the sheets so hard his knuckles would turn white as flashes of Jaebum hovering on top of him played on repeat inside the misty fogginess of his fantasy bubble.

 Of course, those kinds of dreams had already occurred before, yes, but not in this… intensity as of now. Jinyoung feared for his own sanity. He would feel totally drained out by the end of the day once he’d have spent the whole twenty-four hours of it trying to stomp down his desire of jumping on Jaebum and doing whatever he felt like to, now that he knew the attraction was mutual and the man was willing enough to at least go through some rough make out. It was so fucking tiresome to hold himself back.

 But Jinyoung promised to himself he would to, he would hold himself back, and he would do it until he managed to have that important and serious talk with Jaebum and they came to an agreement of what they wanted that _thing_ between them to really be. They’d have that matter sorted out before Jinyoung allowed himself to succumb to his unwarranted feelings. It was already decided like that.

 And that’s why it was Wednesday afternoon and Jinyoung was slouched on the sofa with that erotic book in hands instead of being all over Jaebum somewhere in the dorm. Jinyoung had borrowed the printed copy of the book Jaebum kept hidden under his pillow because his notebook decided to die out of sudden and was in current need of some repair, therefore he couldn’t use it as he used to. So Jaebum’s copy it was.

 Even though everything seemed all so quiet and calm in there, Jinyoung was still plenty aware of the other guys’ presence around the dorm. They were simply hanging out for a while before the time they needed to go out the dorm and into the practice room arrived, but they were all there, nonetheless. It felt right to have all the seven of them at home like that, even though they tended to go and hide in their respective rooms as of in seek of some privacy and healing time alone most of the times. It felt complete.

 And just as he thought about how good it was to have everyone sticking around for a while after a few days of packed schedules for many of them, another weight joined his own on the sofa and settled in. It took him about three or four seconds to recognize the musk cologne that slowly mixed with the air.

“You thief,” Jaebum accused as soon as Jinyoung raised deep doe eyes from darkish words printed on yellowish pages to focus them on him, granting him all his attention. Sunlight sneaked into the living room through one of the open windows spread around the place. Jaebum thought Jinyoung looked stunning with all those warm colors brushing through his skin like in an impressionist oil painting.

 Jinyoung cocked his head to one side, clearly not understanding what Jaebum was talking about (or being cocky and faking it really professionally), but Jaebum found the need to explain himself further anyway, gesturing for the book on the other’s hands as though that would explain enough.

 And it did, because the next thing he knew about was Jinyoung’s weirdly cute chuckle dancing through the room. The man shrugged, readjusting his reading glasses over the bridge of his nose, “my notebook is dead, couldn’t read this through it.”

 Jaebum hummed in a mocking way, hinting how he didn’t quite believe in what Jinyoung had just said, and the younger between the two of them couldn’t help but scoff lightly at his friend’s expense. They stood in one comfortable kind of silence after that, and Jinyoung silently mused about how rare them being calmly standing next to each other was nowadays.

 As of lately, when they weren’t feeling awkward with each other and waltzing around nearly palpable sexual tension, they were wildly coming at each other like two famished people and almost breaking one another with the power of their desire. So, simply enjoying each other’s presence like that was refreshing.

 Jinyoung felt so at ease in Jaebum’s presence right then he even managed to pay his attention back to the book he’s been reading instead of keep staring at the man’s glorious thighs in those tight jeans he wore. Such an achievement, indeed.

 Ironically enough, when Jinyoung turned the page to read the next chapter, he noticed how it was about another sensual scene between the characters of the narrated story, what was actually funny because it’s been more or less four chapters without anything sexual related in there and then, right when Jaebum sat by his side, the tables turned quite drastically. Jinyoung scoffed again in disbelief. His luck was admirable.

 Shifting on his spot, Jinyoung dismissed the curious look Jaebum threw at him with one quick shake of head, once again forcing himself to focus on the book. Jaebum didn’t try pushing him, and so they fell into another comfortable silence Jinyoung was deeply thankful for.

 The main characters of the story, the moderator and his test subject, had just realized they also harbored romantic feelings for each other despite the strong sexual attraction that had already become a constant in their relationship by then, and Jinyoung was so jealous of them. His heart constricted inside his chest once he read how they had confessed their mutual feelings and kissed real affectionately to seal it. How cute.

 Jinyoung glanced up to the man sitting beside him on the sofa. He wanted that too. He wanted to confess to Jaebum and have him reciprocating his feelings, confessing to him right back. He wanted to fucking seal that mushy moment with a freaking kiss full of emotions and all. He wanted Jaebum to love him back so badly, it was just sad how there was no way Jaebum would ever do.

 A mourning sigh left his lips before he could help it. Luckily Jaebum didn’t seem to have heard it, or if he had, didn’t find it important enough as to strike a comment about. Jinyoung focused back on the book, trying to ignore the aching of his heart at each endearing scene narrated in there as he read.

 There had been this particular passage though, where Jinyoung found himself unhelpfully laughing at due to the unfortunate choice of adjective instead. His face did that ugly thing of scrunching up in mocking disbelief as he cackled up, deeply amused by what he had just read.

 In the story, the characters were having the hell of a hot foreplay after having confessed to each other, and ok, good, it was all right up until there. But then, one of them suddenly described the other’s dick as “cute _”_ and damn did it get Jinyoung nearly shrieking in full hand embarrassment and astonishment. It was so cringeworthy.

 Because really, who’d ever call someone’s dick cute? Not beautiful, or impressive. _Cute_. Like, not that he had an actual thing against that, but if he ever got his cock called cute midst foreplay, it’d go instantly limp. No real shade to those who actually liked it; everyone had their own taste and kinks after all.

 However, in Jinyoung’s opinion, no man truly wanted the representative of their masculinity being called by those kinds of pet names that could also be used to describe bunnies and baby bears and freaking cartoons where the girls had extremely big eyes. For Jinyoung, it was such a turn off it got impossibly funny. And so he couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the oddity of that all.

 Jaebum was watching him with that curious, judging look once again by the time he looked up to wipe at the tiny tears gathering around the corners of his dark eyes, only to be one more time dismissed by Jinyoung’s hand waving him off as though it wasn’t something important enough to share. At this, Jaebum actually heaved out an indignant and childish huff, feeling left out and getting cranky because of it. The man even came all the way to pout and cross his arms in front of his chest like a small kid. Jinyoung wanted to coo at that, and so he did after a couple of seconds. Jaebum kept his pout in place, nonetheless.

“What is it?,” Jaebum pushed, whining, and Jinyoung had to stomp down the sudden urge to pinch the man’s cheek that got a hold on him because god, how could someone be so adorable like that.

 Jinyoung shifted on his spot, making himself more comfortable on the sofa. Jaebum clearly still demanded an answer, watching him with slight narrowed eyes and furrowed brows, and so Jinyoung decided that well, he’d give him one.

 Carefully folding the edge of the current page as an improvised bookmark, he closed the book and then put it down on his lap, leaning with his side against the backrest and resting his left temple on the upper top of it. He regarded Jaebum for a few more seconds before smiling slowly, cheekily. “How would you describe my dick?”

“W-What?” Jaebum’s face was priceless, and up until then, Jinyoung hadn’t seen someone change colors so fast as Jaebum did, switching from healthy rose cheeks to ashen and then bright red in a matter of seconds. There was this satisfying feeling of leaving Jaebum that flushed itching under his skin, prickling the nerves and making him smug. It was oddly good to leave someone so confident and full of himself like Jaebum that speechless for once. It could be considered an achievement, really.

“I asked how would you describe my dick. Like, what adjective would you use?” Jinyoung provided, repeating himself for the sake of glimpsing at the nervous twitch of the older’s mouth again, noticing with some wicked delight how Jaebum turned even more pale as he spoke.

 Jinyoung felt powerful, even though asking his friend how would he describe his cock also did some self-conscious wonders on himself. It was worthy getting out of his comfort zone if that mean he’d get privileged enough as to witness Jaebum fiddling with his small fingers in embarrassment while trying to come up with something to say. Jinyoung was getting used to engaging them in sex related talks, anyway.

 It took Jaebum at least two minutes to get his brain back into gear, and it took him one more to study Jinyoung’s face in search of something akin to mockery in there. Amusement washed over him once he found boldness and naked allure instead.

 Jinyoung sincerely wanted an answer for that, just like Jaebum had also wanted one for why the other had laughed before and what had been so funny in the book (motives Jaebum has unconsciously pushed to the back of his head by now), and the dark glint on those doe eyes hinted how the younger was practically defying him to give him one. That side of Jinyoung was so sexy. And dangerously intoxicating. But sexy above everything else.

“I, um, haven’t really thought ‘bout that,” Jaebum finally said after having glanced at the corridor twice to check whether they were safe to actually talk about that matter. Scratching the back of his neck, he added, “it’s… kinda hard to tell.”

“What, why hard?,” this time it was Jinyoung who crossed his arms in front of his chest, abandoning the seductive aura he’d pulled up for the past minutes to allow his petty side to show, displeased for not having the answer he wanted. “I mean, just tell me the first thing that crosses your mind whenever you think about it—the first word that came to your mind when you saw it that day in the laundry room, for example.”

“The first word?,” Jinyoung was already nodding his head before Jaebum had time to finish his line of saying, and so Jaebum gestured vaguely with his hands as though that would help him organize his thoughts better, being still quite airy as blurting out, “ _‘fuck’._ ”

“‘ _Fuck’_?,” the younger echoed, sulking and growing frustrated altogether. That was supposed to lead to a somewhat spicy conversation, but he was this close to kicking at Jaebum’s ribs from his spot by now.

 Jaebum shrugged his shoulders in sheer exasperation, throwing his hands in the air for further emphasis when Jinyoung glared at him. “What? You said the first word!”

“I mean in the way you’d describe it,” Jinyoung finally stretched his leg over the sofa and kicked at Jaebum’s forearm, earning a shocked grunt in response.

“This describing thing is too relative, like too volatile, that’s why it’s hard for me to tell.”

“How so?”

“You look at it, there are times and there are _times_. It depends on the mood, y’know? The way you’re feeling at the moment. It influences a lot.” Jaebum explained, turned to face Jinyoung. The man wore such a confused expression, Jaebum almost whined at having to explain himself further. “Like, I’d describe it in a way if we were to be peeing together in a public bathroom, but I’d describe it in a totally different one if I were to be fucking you good and dirty inside the stalls, just as I’d describe it in another way if we were to be doing that in a bedroom filled with petals of roses and candles. The way I’d describe it depends a lot on the scenario, and the situation we’re in. You got it now?”

“No,” Jaebum was ready to helpless groan at that, passing one hand through his sleek hair as he moistened his lips to speak up again, but Jinyoung added first, “my mind stuck at the ‘fucking you good and dirty inside the stalls’ part, I haven’t heard a word after that.”

 Jaebum was left dumbfounded for the second time that evening, mouth hanging open in an unspoken sentence that would probably never have its chance to come out again, eyes expressing surprise through their sharp intensity. There was something really enthralling in having Jinyoung that responsive and actively participating in the mild dirty talk thing they seemed to be slowly turning into a habit of theirs. Something Jaebum was nowhere close to being used to, but that presented itself on his mind as one more than interesting prospect.

 The mere thought of having Jinyoung being honest with the things he liked, wanted and felt like doing when sexually related was such a turn on, Jaebum felt heat coursing through his body to happily reach low on his stomach and settle in there with a demure throb. He sucked in a pretty much shaky breath, subtly trying to conceal those hints of an ascending boner in his pants.

 It took more than it should to have him answering coherently (and a whole lot of self-control, too), voice sounding both scolding and amused as he chastised, “Jinyoung.”

 Jinyoung, though, was delightfully chuckling by the time Jaebum managed to get some words out, with his cheeks slightly flushed and one hand waving a dismissal in the air. “Yeah, I got it,” he said once his chest stopped shaking off small giggles, “that’s some really shitty excuse, tho.”

“Why would y’come up with that now anyway?”

“There was a passage in the…” he eyed the older man for a while before licking at his lips and continuing on, “ _book_ , that kinda talked about it. I mean, it didn’t really talk about it, like, it was just one guy describing the other’s dick, but it got me wondering.”

“Wondering?” Jaebum echoed, more to confirm that he had heard it correctly than actually pushing Jinyoung to explain himself further. Jinyoung seemed to get it, because he simply nodded his head at that, no words spoken. Jaebum frowned, curiosity spiking up. “Wondering how would I describe your dick? Why’s that?”

“Aren’t we talking too much about dicks?” there was a grimace contorting Jinyoung’s pretty features right then, faithfully portraying how dismayed by the deeper and possibly way too revealing path that that conversation was taking, but it did nothing to deviate them from the main point in there, Jinyoung soon crawling back to focus at the subject at hand. “‘Cause I didn’t like the way he described it in the story, and it was such a turn off for me that I—”

“—Was afraid I’d describe it the same way.” Jaebum finished it for him, and Jinyoung felt his heart going impossibly off inside his ribcage at the accuracy of that, at the ability Jaebum had of reading right through him. They were even completing each other’s phrases now.

 That was so sickeningly cheesy and sweet, it left a bad taste on Jinyoung’s mouth after he had swallowed around his sudden need to sweep in and kiss his friend with all his might. Luckily, that kind of unwarranted need that abruptly occurred to him day in day out, did so quite frequently; therefore he was actually pretty much used to feigning being unbothered and swiftly punching it down his guts already. It was something akin to a wicked routine of his by now.

“Um. Guess so.” Jinyoung confessed, taking in the intensity and heaviness of Jaebum’s lingering gaze, and even allowing a timid shiver to run up his spine before he was clearing his throat and shrugging, “not that the guy had said it out loud or whatever, but I just. Dunno. It bothered me a bit, I guess.”

 Jaebum regarded him, unwavering. There was way more to that than what Jinyoung’s words were trespassing, there was so much more than only that. The fact that Jinyoung got bothered by the wonder of Jaebum seeing a part of him in a way he’d have disliked if known about really hinted many things, all of them carrying a deeper meaning than just insecurities and dismay for being described in a poorly constructed way.

 It was like deep inside Jinyoung wanted the reassurance that Jaebum saw him under the best of lights. Jinyoung wanted to be taken seriously by him, and his attitudes made it impossibly clear by then. Jaebum wanted to dwell on that line of thought, seek answers out of it. But, as his mind started drifting off, there was a sudden ruckus coming through the corridor and a few moments later Jackson appeared in the living room, with both wallet and phone in hands.

“M’ready” he announced, proceed to walk up to the other sofa and throw himself unceremoniously onto it, completely oblivious to how Jinyoung fidgeted with the book on his lap to quickly hide it behind one of the cushions after sharing a look with Jaebum.

 Sensing the sudden silence that settled in after his arrival but being totally unbothered by it, Jackson looked between his two friends with a calm smile on his lips and then prodded, unabashedly, “sooo, what’ve we been talkin’about?”

“Dicks.” It was Jinyoung the one to answer, and the way Jaebum choked out a gasp at that was so funny he couldn’t help shrieking a laugh right after. Jaebum was staring at him in bewilderment now, but Jinyoung couldn’t still stop himself from chortling lively.

“Huh?” Jackson both looked and sounded lost, though with a tiny glint of amusement crossing his hazel eyes as he glanced between the other two, waiting for an explanation.

 Jaebum glared at Jinyoung’s still chuckling face before turning around and regarding Jackson with his best unaffected look. Or at least trying to. “What he meant is... uh… we’re just discussing about it. Like, um, having one guys talk and all.”

“Ok. Why?” Anyone could see Jackson was becoming interested in that conversation, and although that could’ve passed as a good sign, it actually was quite dangerous. Jackson being legit interested in something always was something to be careful of.

“To kill some time?” Jaebum tried again, looking back at Jinyoung for some background and heaving out a sigh when the younger just grinned smugly at him in response. His eyes focused back on Jackson’s attentive ones, and he nodded slowly as to confirm his point.

“Hmm, interesting. What about dicks have ya been talking about then? Like comparing sizes and that shit? Checking each other out and going like ‘oh you got some nice package there’? Like that?”

 Jaebum faltered in discomfort. That whole intimate conversation had been fun when it was only Jinyoung and he talking, but now that Jackson had joined them and showed apparent signs of eagerness about engaging himself in the talk, Jaebum felt odd and thrown off. “Um…,” he frowned slightly, “not actually…”

“So?” Jackson prodded, and by now he had already scooted towards the edge of the sofa in ways of getting closer to the other two men. There was raw curiosity swimming in his beautifully colored eyes. He was really interested in that ‘guys talk’ they were supposed to be having.

“Jackson, how’d you like your dick to get described in?” Jinyoung then asked, as nonchalant as he’d be whilst asking about what pair of socks Jackson liked the best, and Jaebum couldn’t help wondering about that character development in awe.

 Not that Jinyoung hasn’t been a challenging cocktail of wit and sass for all Jaebum has known of him, no. Because if there was something Jinyoung was, there’d be the hell of a smartass who liked to tease everyone around him with sharp remarks and pointed comments. It was in his personality, even though he also had some cute bundle of caring and protective nerves twitching here and there on his essence.

 The thing that got Jaebum wondering was, why was he coming back to his usual self now, after all those weeks behaving as an overly shy teenager who got their crush liking their posts on social media. What had triggered it, all of sudden? There must have been something to snap it, for Jinyoung to be slowly getting more comfortable and used to that sensual path their relationship has been taking, that is. Jaebum couldn’t help wondering whether he had had something to do with that change.

 A pleasant chill ran up his spine and he had to cough softly as to try disguising the acute shivering of his muscles. The thought that Jinyoung might’ve become more honest with his urges to the point of behaving comfortably around it because of Jaebum, oh that was too much for him to handle.

 He felt ecstatic. Even though he didn’t quite know what he could have possibly done to trigger it. The fact that it might’ve been _he_ the one to do it was enlivening enough.

“What do you mean, described in?” the words brought him back to the moment, and he was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Jinyoung throwing him a pointed look after Jackson’s answer being the gap he needed to keep the conversation going the way he wanted. Jaebum simply rolled his eyes.

“Like, in one adjective. Y’know, as in ‘oh, Jackson’s dick is really tan-nan-nan’.”

“Oh, got it! Hmmmm, that’s hard, man.” Jackson looked so excited as he carefully thought it through, it was like they were really discussing something deeply amusing in there instead of talking shit. “I know I wouldn’t want it to be called small though. Maybe Impressive? Or satisfying… but I doubt someone would ever describe a dick as satisfying for real, like ‘he has such a satisfying dick’, no, it doesn’t add up.”

“He’s right, calling it satisfying for real would be such a turn off.” Jinyoung agreed. Jaebum silently glared at him for encouraging Jackson to let his mind wander deeper into that matter.

 It felt like Jinyoung was doing it on purpose, to punish him for doesn’t giving him the answer he wanted before. That was annoyingly endearing anyway, Jinyoung behaving as childishly and whiningly towards something that had displeased him. Jaebum wanted to coo at him somehow. Maybe embrace him and fill him up with lots of kisses and cuddle a little bit in the sofa, but no one would ever be hearing that from him.

“Thick?” Jackson offered again while seeking Jinyoung’s eyes for some sort of reassurance, which the man wasn’t really in the position to give since he squinted one eye in thoughtful dismissal before openly shaking his head against the idea. Jackson sighed, frustrated.

 Jaebum then finally put his thoughts into the conversation by casually commenting, “knowing you, you’d make of it a big issue like asking if they’re calling your dick fat. You’d end up crying your way back home instead of getting laid.”

“Right, man, bring up my weight, it isn’t like I stress about it anyway.” Rolling his eyes as huffing out one long-suffering snort, Jackson missed the way Jaebum would’ve stood up from his seat to beat the shit out of him for the lack of respect if it weren’t for Jinyoung draping both legs across the man’s lap to keep him down. Jaebum mumbled some protests to himself at that, but Jackson ignored them too. “What about long?”

“You’d probably find a way to make it about your legs, tho.” The sharp nudge he received on the outer side of his thigh from one sharp shinbone should’ve made him feel scolded, like a child who did wrong and was punished by their mom with a pull of ears. But Jaebum didn’t feel scolded, and Jinyoung definitely wasn’t his mother.

 The most that that fierce drag of Jinyoung’s calf over his thigh did was turning him on, that being as absurd as it may’ve sounded. There was just something about Jinyoung that ignited flames in him. There always have been. And he was pretty sure that there would always be.

 Bambam walked out the corridor just as Jackson whined loudly about doesn’t understanding why Jaebum seemed to hate him so much, and Jaebum pinched at his own temples while Jinyoung snickered at the whole scene. He looked around, wondering whether he truly wanted to know what was happening.

 Once the answer came out as an _obviously yes_ , he quickly dropped himself in the sofa where Jackson apparently sulked and regarded everyone around the room with naked interest on his features. “What’re you talking about? What’s the matter?”

“Jaebum hyung doesn’t want to let me call my dick thick or long! My own dick! Like, I should be able to call it thick if I want to, right? I guess it’d be sexy to have someone describing it as thick—or long, whatever—but hyung keeps putting flaws on it. And now I don’t want it anymore!”

 Bambam stood there for good thirty seconds staring at Jackson, using the remaining thirty for looking between Jaebum and Jinyoung in the other sofa, coming to a whole minute of silence where he couldn’t quite grasp what the hell was going on. It was nearly another full minute later that he suddenly snapped, seemingly slipping out of a daze after realizing that, if he didn’t ask, no one was going to explain him things.

 He let his gaze focus in each of the three people standing there with him before finally gasping out a short sigh, signaling with his hands as he spoke, “okay, what?”

“I asked him how he would like his dick to be described. He came up with several options, but Jaebum hyung kept turning them down. Jackson got frustrated and then you came in.”

“Why would you even be talking about—”

“Powerful!” Jackson suddenly exclaimed, unintentionally cutting Bambam mid-sentence, looking resolute about his suggestion before grimacing awfully and flopping back onto the sofa in one dejected move. “That shit sounded ridiculous even for my own ears, forget it.”

“I would laugh in your face,” Jinyoung agreed, nodding his head for emphasis. That whole conversation had monumentally diverged from the initial purpose he had schemed for it—that was somewhat provoking Jaebum with that matter until he relented and participated in it and hopefully gave him an conclusive answer about his dick—, but Jinyoung was kind of enjoying that little moment they were having in the living room, while waiting up the rest of their friends so they could all go to practice. It felt nice.

“If you really wanna know what I think’bout all this dick talk…” Bambam started, uncharacteristically hesitant, after having gotten over the initial shock that that matter brought to his brain, and for a moment Jinyoung tensed up in apprehension.

 He feared the seriousness lingering on the youngest’s brownish eyes, unsure whether he should be concerned of the furrow wrinkling the boy’s forehead as he apparently thought the matter thoroughly and carefully in his head before actually spitting his thoughts on it out. Bambam hardly was left speechless. Being it whatever subject it may be, he would always behave witty and goofy and sassy around it. There would be this aura of—sometimes false yet very convincing—conviction edging his moves, just as though he were a hundred percent sure and full of himself while doing absolutely everything (and maybe he actually was, who knew), just as if he was faithful that there wasn’t a thing in the world he couldn’t solve with his bright mood and cheeky antics.

 Therefore, it was perfectly understandable for Jinyoung to be a bit taken aback when all he could see in his youngest friend’s face was a full painting of hard-thinking lines and fierce brushes of seriousness. Bambam seemed to be taking that talk way more serious than he should really have, and that alone was enough to make Jinyoung’s mind flood with worries. The guy was smart; what if he had sensed something smelled fishy and started to suspect things? Not that it’d have much for him to suspect of, really.

 There was no way in bloody hell Bambam could’ve seen through Jinyoung’s well elaborated plan to push Jaebum forward until he’d give in and engage them in another sexual-related and totally suggestive talk about dicks. There was just no way. But then Jinyoung’s mind was full of some overwrought shit already, so all that sharp wittiness coming from Bambam seemed to be quite possible for him at that moment.

 All insecurities that may have blossomed in Jinyoung’s chest then, however, went downhill after Bambam’s next words, and he had to resist the urge to choke out a relieved laugh as he listened to the boy rambling on. “I think that mine should be described as _gifted_.”

“Oh, shut up!” Jackson nearly flailed, huffing in what many could say was frustration, but being way more like whineful complaint. The three of them knew Jackson was actually mentally beating himself up for not having thought about that earlier. “That’s some pretty good adjective.”

“You can call it praiseworthy,” the youngest offered while looking immensely proud of himself for coming up with that adjective for his own cock, “though no one knows what kind of praise it should own. At least it’s worthy of some.”

“Well, that helps a lot, thank you.” The sarcasm dripping from Jackson’s word had been just as clear as the heated stare Jaebum had suddenly thrown into Jinyoung’s direction, stare that had successfully passed unnoticed by both Jackson and Bambam somehow. Jinyoung quirked an eyebrow at that, and Jaebum replied by simply shifting his legs.

 There was a sudden surge of heat spreading allover Jinyoung’s face the moment he looked down and noticed what was happening. Somehow, and really, he couldn’t bring his damn self to understand how, as the talk went on and he got distracted by it, one of his legs that were draped over Jaebum’s thighs had unconsciously started one rocking rhythm, correspondent heel of feet sliding up and down the man’s crotch. It was, of course, a very subtle movement, and he bet none of their two other friends had really noticed it, but the fact his leg moved on its own to do such improper thing without his conscious consent was what intrigued him to death. And amused, too.

 Once he noticed it, though, he quickly retreated both his legs and settled them down and off the sofa, sitting upright and struggling to keep his shit together. He had hoped to see Jaebum smirking at his reaction when he glanced sideways, gleeful and content with leaving him that flushed, but it turned out to be the complete opposite, the sight he got, that is. Jaebum was wearing a conflicted expression that matched his own, and he’d placed one cushion over his lap immediately after Jinyoung had withdrawn his legs.

 The implications of that actually punched the air away from his lungs, and he was left breathless for the time he spent staring at Jaebum’s knuckles, pale skin slowly turning into an adoring shade of pearl white as his vice grip around the cushion tightened. Jinyoung looked up, eyes blown. Jaebum had his eyes narrowed at him when their gazes locked, accusing him of something Jinyoung had a brief inkling of what might that be, but that sent a thrill though his body instead of really scaring him away. Oh, wasn’t that becoming too dangerous. They were becoming too obvious.

 At least Jackson and Bambam didn’t notice it, as they were too engrossed in the guys talk they were all supposed to be having. And if they in fact did, they had the presence of mind to don’t make a comment on it. Jinyoung broke the eye contact with Jaebum and looked away anyway, just in time with the other boys entering the living room, announcing they were ready to go.

Before that fierce conversation about suitable adjectives for dicks could extend itself any longer, Jinyoung stood up and started ushering everyone out, positively ignoring the looks he received as the five of them complained about the sudden rush.

 Jaebum stood behind the group as they moved towards the doorway, checking to see if there wasn’t anything missing and if they weren’t forgetting anything, just as usual. He could see Jinyoung hovering by the entrance after practically kicking the other five men out the door, waiting for him to catch up although petulantly pretending he was just making sure he had everything he needed before heading out, and so Jaebum couldn’t help the smile that spread on his lips at the younger’s cute behavior.

 Once they were both standing in the doorway, Jaebum leaned over Jinyoung under the excuse of locking the door behind him and their eyes met. Jinyoung still looked flushed from what had happened, but there was a different feel to it now, something that hasn’t been there just moments ago.

 Though not being as confident as to pinpoint what had changed, Jaebum knew that that new glow on the man’s face could be easily labeled as mirth, smeared in shyness and sheer interest. It was relieving to know Jinyoung wasn’t coming back to his shell to hide his desires again. It was a relief to know he was still back to his witty self.

 One charming smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth then, and Jinyoung followed the fluid, smooth movement of it with his full attention. Adjusting his specs over the bridge of his nose as in a nervous habit, the younger broke their eye contact for the second time and made his way out Jaebum’s space. The difference was that there was one tiny, adorably shy smile gracing his plush lips as he walked away this time around.

 

 The practice ended up once the seven of them were too drained out to even stand properly on their feet, bodies slumping down onto the waxed floor as soon as their newest song reached the end and faded out through the speakers.

 This new choreography they were trying wasn’t that much of a hard one; it definitely was easier than the one they had practiced for their last comeback, but it got just as tiring once they kept practicing it over and over again for more than two hours in a row, what they’ve actually done now. Of course overworking themselves like that wasn’t the best thing to do, far away from being the healthier one too, but they had this sense of excelling themselves further and further and even further that no one managed to knock down.

 All the seven of them knew they should take easier on themselves and respect their limits, but, unfortunately, none of them was up to follow that wise advice once they were about to drop another song, album, and choreography. They gave all they got, and a little bit more. It was in their nature already.

 Had this been one of the motives they would always feel immensely guilty when one of them fell sick, no one dared to make a comment on it. That worked like an understatement, really. And none of them would bring it up later too, they would simply take it for what it was and stew on it silently. It wasn’t like it’d make a difference to scold one another for something they all were already so used to doing anyway. They just remained supportive at heart and moved on.

 Jinyoung knew all that, but he still felt his heart constrict painfully at the sight of Jackson coughing horribly by his side on the shiny floor, face ashen and skin looking deprived of any healthy blush that it was supposed to have. And his overprotective worry must have showed on his face then, because the next thing he knew was Jackson forcing out a smile at him while waving his hands in the air, dismissively, likely signaling him that he was fine, and that it was just exhaustion from the practice. Jinyoung knew it wasn’t.

 Although the man had looked quite alright and fine only a few hours earlier, talking shit cheerfully with them, he knew that all that paleness and tiredness showing on his face and overall body from now was something else. And one suffocating, choking up feeling crawled up his throat at the prospect of him being unable to help his friend getting better, just like all the other times Jackson fell sick and Jinyoung couldn’t do much besides wishing him to get better soon. It was despairing. And Jinyoung hated it, feeling inutile. Useless.

“I’m fine, trust me!,” Jackson was saying after prying into the conflicted expression Jinyoung wore by his side, the reassurance that was supposed to carry those words fading pitifully as they were followed by a weak sniff right after. “In the worst scenario, it’s just the flu. I’m really alright. Stop frowning already, Jinyoungie. It’ll get you wrinkles.”

“I’m not frowning.” He argued, whiningly, trying to stop the pout that threatened to pucker out his plush lips. Jackson simply chuckled at that, finding the other’s behavior amusing as always.

 With a pat on Jinyoung’s knee, Jackson stood up and made a bee line to the stereo, shuffling through the songs on their iPod and greeting happily a slight panting Yugyeom who joined him in the process. Jinyoung regarded him for a while before sighing deeply, displeased by the situation yet being mindful of the lack of possibilities he had at hand. Jackson would keep pretending to be okay until the moment it couldn’t be hidden anymore. Just like the rest of them.

 Jinyoung’s eyes wandered around the practice room aimlessly. It was stuffy indoors, the room feeling warm and airless due to the excess of body heat that overflowed from their wasted frames of tired muscles. Jinyoung was glad the hickeys on his neck, earned during that steamy episode in the laundry room a few days ago, had already faded enough as to be perfectly hid by some foundation and powder by now. It’d be truly troublesome to do practice with a turtleneck sweater on.

 As if taking cue on the line of thought that memory was attached to, his eyes sharply settled on Jaebum’s broad frame leaned against a wall. His skin was glowing with sweat, looking so stunningly moist Jinyoung felt his throat tighten. Dark hair sticking to odd sides once the man had just brushed his fingers through it, t-shirt clutching onto his lean torso and looking sinfully damp, clothed chest heaving unevenly as fatigue from the recent exercising section got into him. Jaebum was so wonderfully handsome and tempting. Jinyoung found himself staring and admiring all that beauty with biased eyes.

“I feel like having ice cream now,” Youngjae blurted out then, snapping Jinyoung out of his daze and making him turn his gaze towards the younger guy, who was currently standing by his side now, looking down at him with pleading eyes. Jinyoung raised one eyebrow at him, and Youngjae croaked out a chortle, “this was an indirect for you to and go buy it, hyung, yes.”

“Why me?,” he was wearing that pout by then, that whiny pout already so characteristic of him, that same petulant pout he would make whenever he felt like being a nagging brat to someone. It usually worked, the ones who fell pray of it quickly letting him get away with whatever he wanted, but the thing was, that didn’t work with everyone.

 And it was just his luck that the only friend of his that that mercilessly appellative pout didn’t work with was the very same one standing in front of him now, grinning lively since he also was well aware of that exception. “Because you’re the most responsible among us, of course! And you care for us!”

“Who said that?,” after having Youngjae whining annoyingly cutely at his snarky expression, Jinyoung finally rolled his eyes and sighed, waving the younger man off as turning his head to his side. “If they don’t have any popsicles in the convenience store down the street, I ain’t going nowhere else to look for one to you. I’ll bring you a freaking cone.”

 Youngjae beamed in happiness, threatening the sun with his glowy expression and dolorously bright smile, and Jinyoung hated the incredibly soft spot he had for the boy. “Thank you, hyung! You’re really the best!,” was what Youngjae replied him with before giving him thumbs up and skipping away and across the room, humming happily as he went. Jinyoung watched him go with a warm feeling sinking in.

 The rest of their friends often joked about Youngjae being perfectly able to get away with anything when it came to Jinyoung. Though he would deny it quite vehemently every time they brought it up, Jinyoung had to admit it. That was all true. Youngjae could even call him names that he’d still coo at the younger’s accent and pinch his cheek. Yeah, it was that disastrous. At least Youngjae seemed to dot on him a little bit too, so that’s all right.

 Apparently, the hot news that Jinyoung was heading out to get some ice cream for Youngjae had been spread around the practice room pretty much like a virus, because before he could do anything besides roaming about the handy bag he’d been gifted some time ago and putting himself back on his feet, he already found himself crowded by Jackson, Mark, Bambam and Yugyeom, the four of them talking over each other about wanting differently flavored cones and popsicles too.

 Jinyoung pursed his lips, rolled his eyes, puffed his cheeks; none of those wholeheartedly, or carrying some real hurting intent, though. With a glance from over Jackson’s shoulder, he could see Youngjae giggling while making sure to stay a few steps away from the scene. That brat must have gone bragging about being about to get the ice cream he wanted immediately after Jinyoung had agreed to go and buy it. The worst was that, even then, he felt like reaching in and ruffling the boy’s hair just for being that cutely witty. What annoying.

 But that was all right, because deep inside, he was sadistically glad for the attention he was receiving—even though the attention earned wasn’t for _him_ and yes for _his leaving_ to the convenience store. He felt smug seeing the others nearly shaking him by the shoulders to get him to listen to their wishes first, and of course, a little devious too.

 He’d make sure to take a hell of a lot of time to come back with those ice creams they wanted, maybe until the point where they’d all have melted by the time he arrived. That’d be fantastic. Jinyoung grinned to himself, promptly agreeing to go and buy all the sweets his friends wanted. That is, not before taking his time scolding Jackson for asking for ice creams when he was clearly coming down with the flu. Jackson simply stuck his tongue out at him, repeating he wanted a vanilla cone, and Jinyoung gave up.

“Anything else?,” he asked, voice monotone at best, once the fuzz around him subsided. He wasn’t looking at anyone in specific when asked it, because really, the rhetoric of that question lingered in every word of it, clear and unmistakable.

 Had the boys also caught on that fact, they did their best to ignore it, because in the next three minutes there was a new conglomerate of voices leashing out several orders at once, asking more and more things from the store, and even debating between themselves what else should they have for later. Jinyoung heaved a suffering sigh, but there were hints of an amused smile on his lips when he turned around and stalked out.

 Before he could make it to the entryway, though, the sudden pronunciation of Jaebum’s naturally deep voice stopped him on his tracks, sending an involuntary shiver to consume him as the words resonated across the room and danced in the air like a leaf on wind, “Jinyoungie, wait up. M’going with you.”

 

 Though the run to the convenience store down the street had been short and not really that tiring, Jinyoung found himself breathless when they pushed the glass door open and Jaebum motioned him to go in first.

 Of course, he wasn’t nearly gasping for air because of the walk there, no. But when his friend asked him what the problem was, with that annoying knowing smirk pulling at the corners of his ravishing lips, Jinyoung couldn’t help but use that blatant lie as an excuse. Jaebum simply chuckled at him, raking his beautifully dark eyes up and down the slight smaller body as if he wanted to make a snarky comment about something Jinyoung wasn’t really catching on with, but then deciding against it as though things were funnier that way, and then going for the ice cream freezer placed beside a wall of filled shelves, whistling softly.

 Jinyoung watched him go, frowning in confusion at the broadness of those retreating shoulders from the back, pursing his lips in annoyance when the penny finally dropped. He understood why Jaebum was behaving that cockily now. And it made his blood boil, his face suffering the effects of it by growing tons and tons redder than it should normally be. He should’ve really stopped Jaebum when he offered himself to come along (more like state he was joining him in the walk, but whatever).

 It was all about the way Jinyoung couldn’t have helped behaving slight off with Jaebum walking beside him on the street, lampposts on and chilly gushes of wind swirling around, dark starless sky making the street lights shine brighter than ever and give off that intrusive, obnoxious date feeling Jinyoung felt suffocated by. The night was just so pretty, the lights of those vintage lampposts looked so aesthetic when paired up with both the dark green of nearby tress and the dirty gray of the pavement.

 And then there had been just the two of them there, walking silently side by side, and jesus, hadn’t Jinyoung watched too many dramas and read too many romance books to notice all the signs of a mushy-and-gross romantic scene being about to happen in there already. His fucking hands sweated.

 He had kept fidgeting, rubbing the palms of his hands against his sweatpants in tries to clean the sweat off of them as discreetly as he could, praying to god he could just stop imagining in his head those cheesy scenarios where they’d talk and Jaebum would kiss him in the end and they would make out a tiny bit under some damned lamppost—because shit they were so beautiful and meant for it—, and definitely quit being so dramatic over something that wasn’t even happening. Yet. Fuck.

 All the alarms had blared off on his ears the moment Jaebum had suddenly reached for his fidgeting hand and held it in his own, flashing him a lopsided smile when Jinyoung snapped his head sideways to stare at him, dumbfounded. It had been innocent, the way Jaebum had reached for his hand. It really had. When he had noticed how cold and sweaty it was, there had been a cape of confusion covering his expression, brow furrowing and everything. But that had been until the moment realization suddenly seeped in and he grinned, amused and delighted, looking at Jinyoung just like he wasn’t real.

 And, at that moment, while belatedly remembering that yes, there had been one romantic scene on a beautiful night similar to that in the erotic book they had been reading for nearly two weeks now, Jinyoung wished he really wasn’t.

 A traitor blush had sparkled brightly over his cheeks and ears then, mixing with the previous flush of color that already lingered in there from moments ago, and making the redness of his face go impossibly worse. Jaebum’s grin had turned even wider. Jinyoung had pulled his hand away from the other man’s grip and stalked out, almost running in the direction of the convenience store.

 And now he was staring (rather stupidly) at the gorgeous span of Jaebum’s shoulders as the man whistled happily and dug around the freezer, in search of their aimed ice creams. Fantastic.

 It was an understatement to say Jinyoung was pouting when Jaebum looked up from the freezer and over his shoulder at him, beckoning him to come help him out with one swift movement of fingers, and that he made a whole scene of turning his head away and grounding himself in place, arms crossed in front of his chest. Jinyoung could get horribly stubborn when he wanted to.

 Jaebum called out for him after a while of sighing and rolling his eyes, and it wasn’t before an entire minute that Jinyoung started approaching him, still obstinate in giving Jaebum the best of his childish treatment. Luckily, Jaebum had already spent too many years going through that side of Jinyoung, so he knew better than to get annoyed by it. Actually, he kind of found that extremely cute by now.

 Once they were done picking the ice creams, Jaebum did the carrying to the cashier and ended up also paying for them since he was the only one with a credit card at hand, Jinyoung dutifully promising him he’d gather the others and the six of them would pay him back later at home if he wanted to. Jaebum grumbled something about that doesn’t being necessary, face still looking a bit grumpy and dismayed nonetheless, and Jinyoung couldn’t help smiling at it. That was so typical of Jaebum.

 The night, though still stark dark in the sky and prettily illuminated throughout the street, didn’t have that chilly breeze from earlier when they exited the convenience store. The air felt stuffier, stifled somehow. Jinyoung wondered if it was due to the upcoming climate change he had heard about in the news last week, or was it himself feeling cramped by having to go through that awkwardness of practically reenacting the night date scene from the book with Jaebum again.

 He glanced at his side, automatically holding his breath when he found Jaebum already stealing glances of him as he did so. Yeah, well. It was likely about the second option anyway.

 Funny how he’d been incredibly flirtatious and even a little bit demanding just that afternoon, and now was morphed into that bundle of nerves that would jerk and nearly dash away if Jaebum breathed too heavily or rapidly. Interesting how it was always Jaebum who managed to get him jumping from one emotion to another that fast and easily. Despairing how Jinyoung couldn’t put a stop to that effect Jaebum had over him even if he tried really hard to. Conflicting how he has learned to love that rollercoaster of feelings the man caused on him, too.

“Jinyoung-ah, did I make you that uncomfortable by coming along that you won’t even talk to me?”

 Jinyoung was startled by the sudden addressing, mostly because he was so immersed in his own thoughts that the foreign sound, even though still so familiar to his ears, made his nerves shortcut and spasm for a second. There was no scold in Jaebum’s voice, no real nagging or resentment whatsoever. There was just curiosity, naked and raw curiosity, and Jinyoung searched his eyes while looking over.

 Though Jinyoung was by now sure he was in love with Jaebum, there would still be these flickers of moments where he’d found himself falling for him all over again, and even deeper than before. There was too much in the way Jaebum would pass his small fingers through his raven hair when in deep thought or restless. There was too much in how he would act so adorably shy sometimes even though he were cranky and easily annoyed most of the time. And there was just too much in every little thing he did, in every thing that turned him into the amazing person he was, that Jinyoung couldn’t help being enthralled and pulled by him. It was impossible, not to unconditionally love Jaebum with all he got.

 There were a whole bunch of definitions for love out there, and really, Jinyoung thought them all to be only molded into what each person found more fitting for their own feelings. Some would define it as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. But what if all that affection turned into hatred once the other person messed something up, or didn’t correspond to those supposedly passionate feelings? That kind of thing happened quite a lot. Was love that volatile? Or has it never been love in the first place?

 Others would also define it as a feeling of strong and constant affection for another person. But what if, for some reason, that powerful feeling of affection stopped being that ‘constant’ and faded into routine, taken for granted? What was it that differed constant affection from something you just get used to having there? Then again, has it never been love if it occasionally fades away?

 All the definitions of love Jinyoung has ever read and heard about carried flaws in it, failing at faithfully portraying the spectacular emotions that feeling carried and coherently transforming them into words. Love was inconstant, crude, detrimental and painful, besides being the incredibly beautiful thing everyone described it as such. It had its flaws, just like everyone did.

 However, if there was a definition of love that Jinyoung particularly liked and actually wanted to believe in, was the one that said that when you love someone, you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy, no matter what it takes, because that’s just how much you care about them.

 Jinyoung really adored that definition, because that’s exactly how he felt about Jaebum. He wanted Jaebum to be sincerely happy, above everything else. And what’s funny is that he didn’t even _need_ to get loved back by him to keep those deep feelings going on strong.

 Of course, he would get melancholic to not have Jaebum reciprocating his affectionate feelings, had stressed over that possibility just as much as he breathed, yeah, but it wasn’t like his best wishes for Jaebum would lost their sincerity because of that. It was fine if Jaebum loved someone else, that is as long as he really cherished it and was happy with that other person. That didn’t mean it would hurt less anyway.

 Jaebum’s eyes met his for a moment as they walked up to their company building, and the reflection of all those glimmering street lights in them was so indescribably gorgeous. Yellow, gray and navy blue painted his features in the dimness of the night, aesthetically. Jinyoung sighed, resolute. He sincerely wished that man to be happy and successful in whatever he decided to do with his life.

“We need to talk.” Jinyoung said, knuckles going white where he gripped the straps of the plastic bag unnecessarily tight, and none of them seemed to care about Jaebum’s previous question being left hanging in the air, unanswered. The tone of his voice had been soft then, fragile even, but determined nonetheless.

 Jaebum regarded him with one conflicted expression locked in place. Hearing the seriousness in Jinyoung’s voice made his heart leap inside his chest, hints of a bad feeling seeping in through his skin, into blood and into brain, and then he was scrambling for words, “it’s still about that dick talk, isn’t it? You’re upset because I didn’t want to describe yours—”

“No, no, not about that.” A small smile curved Jinyoung’s peachy lips, light and subtle. “It’s more like I need to tell you something.”

 Jaebum limited himself to humming at that, as in an encouragement for him to continue with whatever he wanted to speak out of his chest. Jinyoung ran a hand over the back of his neck, turning his head to face ahead instead of digging a hole on the older man’s face with the intensity of his gaze.

 Taking a sharp intake of breath, Jinyoung braced himself. “This may not be the best place—or situation, whatever, to say this, but uhm. I won’t know how to say it after this sudden bold feeling leaves my body so, I’m saying it right now.”

“Okay.”

“And I need you to be serious about this, I mean. I won’t repeat myself. It’s just one shot, and then we’re over this.”

“Alright…”

“You don’t even need to give me an answer, like, fuck. You just gotta hear me out, will you? I don’t want to trouble you with this, but maybe you’ll be feeling a bit…uh. Uncomfortable? Just don’t, run away or something like that, okay? It’d be weird as fuck.”

“Jinyoung-ah, I got it—” Jaebum tried to reach for him and make him stop ranting, but Jinyoung was so immersed in his own blabbering that he simply ignored the light tug done on the hem of his shirt. Jinyoung was starting to overthink, and that was never a good sign.

“Shit, what if we get weird after this? I didn’t think this through. I don’t want us to get awkward, oh my god…”

“Jinyoung!”

“Fuck, why is it always so complicated when it comes to you?! I love you, Jaebum!” It came out as a choked up shout, the echo of Jinyoung’s voice reverberating through the mostly empty street and making something shuffle noisily inside the vast foliage of those nearby trees. Jinyoung’s voice sounded way more high-pitched and strangled than he’d intended for it to. A flush of heat rose to his overall face, painting his cheeks as unsubtly as ink dipping into clear water.

 He looked at Jaebum’s face, startled by his own outburst, and his blood ran cold when he stared at a pair of widened eyes that matched his own in sheer surprise. “I… this… this wasn’t supposed to come out like this…”

“What did you just say?” There was a particularly big whoosh of air sweeping through right then, and since Jaebum had spoken in such a thin line of voice, it was kinda hard for Jinyoung to understand what has been the question. But really, it was written allover Jaebum’s face; the confusion and unsureness and flickering hope he was currently going through.

 It wasn’t that impossible for Jinyoung to assume what the other wanted to know, or better, wanted to confirm from him. Jinyoung just couldn’t quite figure out why Jaebum seemed so eager to hear that lame confession again. “I told you, I’m not repeating myself.”

“Jinyoung, stop. Stop. Look at me.” Jaebum stopped on his tracks, held him by his forearm and kept him in place, in the middle of the dimly illuminated street, gently making him turn around and face him as they stood. Those piercingly black eyes looked so pleading. Jinyoung wanted to scream. “Did you mean it? I mean, did you really…? I really need to know. Is it something like that brotherly love thing and stuff?”

 For some reason Jinyoung found himself laughing slowly, borderline hysterically. Of course he would firstly assume it to be brotherly love instead of _love_ love. Jinyoung didn’t blame him, though. Himself would have asked the very same thing whether the positions were inverted. It was just common sense anyway.

 He shook his head as softly as he could, drawing one small smile with his lips before saying, “no, it’s not. That’s why I told you that you’d get uncomfortable once I said it. But. I just. I’m tired of holding it in, y’know?,” he gestured to his own chest, as though saying that it hurt every time he held himself back, just as if it kept getting squeezed over and over again whenever he swallowed his feelings down. He sighed.

 “Especially after the things we’ve done and, well. I love you. I always have. I love you more than I’m okay with admitting out loud, ‘cause shit, this is so embarrassing. I just love you. And you don’t have to answer any of this because… Jaebum?”

 Jaebum had been silent through it all, seeming to be zoning out here and there during Jinyoung’s struggling speech, and Jinyoung was afraid the man wasn’t really paying much attention to it all. His chest constricted. It wasn’t like he could ask Jaebum to stick close and drink in his oh-so-full-of-emotion words. It wasn’t his fault if he weren’t that interested in Jinyoung’s cheesy confession and mushy explaining of how he truly felt.

 Jaebum had all the right to zone out, probably in search of some gentle way to say he was flattered, but couldn’t correspond to those deeper feelings. It was comprehensible, really. And even though Jinyoung’s mind kept sending pleas to the rest of his body, mentioning how Jaebum must feel at least _something_ for him back or else he wouldn’t have engaged them in those intimate moments of past week, his brain simply refused it all out.

 Jinyoung was as stubborn as a mule, after all. It was pretty easy to convince him of something negative or bad, but when it came to good things smeared in the positive view of life, he’d pose it as impossible right away. It was more like him to believe that Jaebum just wanted to have some fun (despite his whole being vehemently protesting that no, Jaebum wasn’t that kind of despicable person who used the others for his own pleasure), than actually considering the possibility of the man liking him back.

 It was just how it works, and he had known that since the beginning, had braced himself for that. It was fine if Jaebum didn’t like him in that way. They could still be friends, and go back to their usual routine by pretending the last 12 days have never existed. He should be proud of himself for having summoned up enough courage to confess his feelings to Jaebum after so many years.

 Jinyoung felt like crying though.

 Jaebum was already speaking when Jinyoung snapped out of his thinking-deeply daze. He blinked one, two times, refocusing his attention back to their conversation instead of the angst monologue happening inside his head. “…don’t feel the same.”

 Those words hurt. Hearing them, real and audible, instead of gloomily imagining them over and over again, hurt. Don’t feel the same. Jaebum was likely apologizing to him, in that small part where Jinyoung failed to hear the rest of the sentence. Jinyoung frowned softly, bit his lip. He wouldn’t cry now, wouldn’t allow himself to. Even though he felt like every piece of his body has been smashed and squeezed and terribly beaten up like raw meat.

 Jinyoung liked to read, and he liked poetry, literature the most. However, all those beautiful descriptions of feelings he grew to be so fond of, couldn’t really reach to him now. It was like the burgundy pain of his broken heart was so dense that it’d turned ashen, appalled and devoid of any trace of color. He just felt empty, tremendously so. His heart ached, melancholy flowed hot in his veins and deep it sunk. It sucked.

“That’s fine.” Jinyoung croaked out, and he hated the way his voice broke halfway through it. “I said you didn’t have to give me an answer, so save it. It’s not like you were supposed to like me back just because I said I love you. I mean, you don’t have to feel responsible.”

“What are you saying? Responsible?” Jaebum looked really clueless then, brow furrowing and all, but Jinyoung shrugged it off with a small grimace.

 Had he noticed he still had his forearm gripped by Jaebum and felt uneasy by the warmth he could feel coming through, no one besides himself needed to know. Sighing, he offered, “we can call it guilty, if you want. You don’t have to feel guilty. You don’t have to beat yourself for it, just—”

“Jinyoung, what the fuck? I just freaking said I love you too and exposed my feelings to you and you suddenly act like a jerk? Where’s this dismissal attitude coming from?”

 Pause. A brief, uncomfortable one. And then Jinyoung was snapping in indignation and stubbornness, the furious blush that crept up his neck to paint his cheeks in crimson demurely lying somewhere in between the angered and fluttered line. “The fuck you did. You just ‘ _don’t feel the same_ ’ed me!”

“I said I was afraid to let you know about them ‘cause I thought you don’t feel the same. Didn’t feel the same. I don’t know how I should address it, really, but fuck. The point is, I didn’t reject you! My god, how would I even? I’ve been head over heels with you for the past over six years, Jinyoung!”

 While he still refused to believe in that—to let his weak, romantic self believe in that—, there was this nagging feeling insistently poking at the back of his mind, working as pins and needles on his brain, shaking his resigned front and melting his senses into mush. Jinyoung didn’t want to fall for that. Sincerely, he didn’t have any motives to take Jaebum’s words as true, did he? Jaebum couldn’t love him, Jinyoung was profoundly convinced about that.

 But then again, he was also so convinced that there was something more to that, this something directly correlated with the unsettling feeling that coiled in his stomach like one slay snake. It pulsed, just like the poking on his mind, that definitely was meant to remind him of something important, to make him realize something crucial he was apparently letting slip away his trembling fingers.

 There was a bright red sign, stapled to his forehead and hanging right in front of his wary eyes, blinking and blinking and blinking, desperately calling for attention by glowing in blazing neon. Every heartbeat his heart made shook his entire body and rampaged through his ribcage so hard he was afraid it could break it into pieces. It seemed as though he were about to have a breakdown.

 Jinyoung didn’t want to believe in what Jaebum has told him, was afraid of doing so and ending up somehow even more screwed than he already was, in case it all just happened to be just a misunderstanding, or a blatant lie, or even some crude joke. But everything in within himself screamed for him to do so. All the signs pointed to the same direction, this direction being his best friend’s painfully sincere eyes, looking straight at him in expectation as they stood in the middle of the street.

 And it was right then and there, as he suddenly became hyperaware of Jaebum’s hold on his arm and the expectant look in his dark eyes, that the penny seemed to finally drop. Dread washed over him, and he instantly felt like puking in awestruck nervousness, waves of mind-blowing relief mixing in as well. “You can’t be serious,” he breathed out, dazzled.

“I love you. I can’t even tell you how much I do, and for how long I have.” Soothing Jinyoung by rubbing feathery circles with his thumb over the man’s arm, Jaebum confessed out again. Uncertainty carried the rhythm of his affectionate touch as if he was afraid Jinyoung would push him away at any given moment, but what embedded the end of his words was nothing other than pure certainty and conviction.

 Jinyoung shook his head, denying the fact that he had been so primordially dumb and blind and stupid for not noticing right away that his feelings were reciprocated like all the time.

 All the suffering he went through, all the beating himself up he did for liking someone he shouldn’t, all the nights he spent wide awake imagining parallel realities where Jaebum would like him back and they’d be happy together. Everything done unnecessarily, all because Jinyoung was just too stubborn and close-minded to notice what have been right in front of his eyes all the while.

 And really, _really_ , it was so obvious now that he thought about it. Jaebum coming for him with that freaking idea of reading erotica together should have done the trick, for real. If not yet, the bastard getting all over him in the sofa and jerking him off should definitely have done it. Not to mention the episode in the laundry room. How could Jinyoung just pile all that up and push it aside as something meaningless? God, he was so mad at himself.

 He didn’t even want to think about what Jaebum had said about being fearful of _him_ doesn’t liking him in that way, when everything Jinyoung has ever done was devote his entire passion to him and him only. To be true, Jaebum also was a fucking great dumbass for not noticing anything at all too. Jinyoung wondered whether their friendship had had something to do with their incredible oblivious to what they feel towards each other, taking that immense adore as something purely innocent and all. Not that that really mattered, but still. What a fantastic pair of dimwits they were.

 “You must be fucking with me.” He said after realizing what monumental fools they’ve done of themselves. Jaebum had dragged a hand up his arm and cradled the side of his face, Jinyoung automatically leaning onto the touch despite himself.

 Jinyoung had his face scrunched up in whining dismay, looking pretty much like a pouty kid, and Jaebum smiled kindly at it, feeling his heart tighten for how much he adored that person with all his being. One lopsided grin molded his lips as he remarked, “well, not yet, but I guess we’re getting there.”

“Ugh, shut up!” The sound of Jinyoung’s laughter was so rich and endearing, all goofy and awkward and adorable. The corners of his eyes wrinkled as they usually did whenever he was up to express his truly amused feelings to the world. They shared a quick laugh until Jinyoung was whining again and covering his face with both of his hands, groaning into them in mild despair. “Why are we being this dramatic?! What are we, school girls?”

“School girls wear skirts. Most of them, at least.”

 The smirk was so obvious in Jaebum’s voice that Jinyoung didn’t even bother to look up from behind the shell of his hands and confirm it. He simply groaned louder, the new adjustment of the plastic bag straps over the crook of his bent arm feeling slight uncomfortable against his bare skin, but not that much that would make him take some action against it.

 Jaebum snickered again, obviously reveling in his conflicted misery, and Jinyoung wondered how could he love such a jerk, and keep loving him more and more at each passing day. “I fucking hate you, have I ever told you that?”

“Not in the last five hours.” He shrugged, smirk still in place. “But I got an ‘I love you’ today, so that’s fine for me.”

 Jinyoung peeked through his fingers and regarded Jaebum with curiosity. He was being truly sincere about that—not about the teasing, though he was quite sincere about that too—but about the honest elation he felt towards the fact that Jinyoung had confessed to him. It was so endearing. He couldn’t help blushing at how fuzzy he felt inside. Jaebum would definitely be the death of him.

 Their eyes met when Jinyoung lowered the hands from his face, and it was like they were frozen in time. There was this heavy weight being lifted off his heart as he slowly believed more and more in Jaebum’s feelings for him.

 It was hard, not to get wary and insecure about it. All those years thinking it was an unrequited love thing, calloused his heart and made him cautious and careful in that regard. However, as Jaebum suddenly chuckled and reached forward again, enveloping his smaller frame in a warm and extremely tender hug, Jinyoung thought that well, it wouldn’t be that hard to loosen up and learn to trust in the other’s feelings.

“Alluring.”

“Huh?” Jinyoung craned his neck until he was able to steal a glance from Jaebum’s face. The night was still plenty dark safe for the electricity coming off of the lampposts spread along the street, but he was able to make out every handsome trace of his long-time friend’s countenance, just like he would during daylight.

 There was a soft crease on his forehead as he peered into the slight taller man’s expression, conveyed to his face by the confusion he felt towards what had just been said, and Jaebum placed a finger over it to soothe those wrinkles away, dolorously gently. “That issue from earlier. I’d describe it as alluring, if taken into consideration not only the hot moments but, um, the overall ones?”

 Jinyoung flushed pink in the cheeks and top of ears, hastily disentangling himself from Jaebum’s embrace to shove at his chest, playfully, committing himself into glaring at the other man even though his heart beat faster and faster. “You ain’t bringing this shit back now!”

“Arousing. Desirable. Sexy. Tempting—”

“—Jaebum—” Jinyoung tried to intervene, but before he could do much, Jaebum was already clutching at his shirt and pulling him closer one more time, voice low as if it held a secret, face inching into Jinyoung’s space.

“—Mine.”

 The light of one of those lampposts flickered just as Jinyoung’s stomach dropped, mouth going ajar and a weak gasp slipping past rosebud lips. _Mine_. The word repeated itself over and over again inside his whirling mind like a sinful mantra. Shivers reverberated through his body at the possessive confession, frantically, and Jinyoung did his best not to _whine_ at how funny his guts felt throughout it all.

 Looking the dimly lit street from side to side through the corner of his eyes, he felt immensely grateful it was actually desert at that time of nearing dawn. It would be quite troublesome to have someone, anyone, witnessing that kind of moment between them, where Jaebum looked to be right about to lessen the gap and kiss him full in the lips, right there and then. Not that Jinyoung was truly expecting Jaebum to kiss him at that moment. Maybe a tad bit, yeah. But not quite.

“It isn’t an adjective, tho.” He answered in the same whispery tone Jaebum had used before, managing to flash one croaked smile at him while leaning away and adjusting the plastic bag past his wrist and into his hand again, maneuvering it so he’d be holding it by the straps just like he did so earlier in the night. He chuckled, trying to pose cockily but being aware he must have looked just about as shy as he felt inside. “And this was just so lame, oh my god.”

“Shuttup.” Jaebum chastised, no real reprehension carrying his words though. They stared back and forth for a while longer, communicating through their eyes like it was already so common of their chemistry and dynamic. And then, almost two minutes later, Jaebum snorted wittily and started walking up the street again, taking a hold of Jinyoung’s hand as he went so they could go on together.

 Jinyoung felt funny. Not funny in the way he felt like laughing at something or whatever, but just. It didn’t feel as if Jaebum and he had just confessed to each other, and learned about each other’s deeper feelings. That wasn’t like they portrayed in the books he have read.

 Everything seemed more enthusiastic in those novels, more dramatic and overreacted, with the characters crying and fighting and making up and all that shit before they could finally confess and be together. Even the confessions were different, composed by hundreds and hundreds of words where the person went through all the reasons why they loved the other, and what have led they to feel that way throughout the many years they known each other, and all the way around. He and Jaebum haven’t had any of that pompous, glamorous thing.

 There was way more embellishing and peppering in those stories than it’d actually happened with him and Jaebum, so he wondered. Was that it? What it really felt like to confess to the person you love? Because everything felt like the same as before, really. Not entirely, of course; Jinyoung felt indescribably accomplished and happy and lucky right now. But in essence.

 Should they have made more of it, like narrating in details why he loved Jaebum all at once, and expecting the other to do the same? Literature said that yes, in order to preserve the romance, they should have. They should’ve been more dramatic about it all.

 Nevertheless, that didn’t feel right to Jinyoung. It didn’t settle right with him that they should vomit all the reasons that led them to harbor affectionate feelings to one another all at once just because they were confessing. Jinyoung knew Jaebum, and Jaebum knew him. For years. They didn’t have to list out their respective flaws and strengths so that they could convince one another of that deep feeling they carried. Especially because love wasn’t about having to voice out what you feel to be believed in. It was about purely feeling, and that’s that.

 So no, even though he felt out of sorts with the very succinct way with which Jaebum and he had dealt that matter, he wasn’t a believer that things should have been different. It felt special, and he wouldn’t trade that for any long ass speech about how Jaebum could compare him to the beauty of a starlit sky.

 They knew what they loved on each other, and that was enough for now. If they ever wanted to share it, it would be on their own time, and step by step.

 Once they entered the building, Jinyoung felt his hand being pulled more insistently by Jaebum and he nearly stumbled his way through the hall and towards the staircase. The elevator was out for maintenance, so that was the only way they could walk up to the floor where their practice room was located.

 It was six flights of stairs to get to their aimed floor, and Jinyoung wasn’t quite eager to climb them up that fast. That’s why he started grumbling and mumbling in dismay when Jaebum practically jogged up the stairs, pulling him along. But all the complaining he may have had the desire to express then dissolved into a surprised squeal, which was fiercely taken away from his mouth when Jaebum backed him up against the wall and kissed him deep.

 It took him off-guard. Of course it would. But he still found himself kinda embarrassed to have way too much saliva trailing down the corners of his mouth as they fought to find a satisfying angle for their mouths to slide together. It started off too clumsy, that unexpected kiss; clicking teeth, knocking noses and bodies nearly losing balance and falling down the stairs. It wasn’t sexy at all, but the both of them couldn’t stop giggling and chuckling lively throughout the whole thing.

 Soon enough, they found a rhythm, and the make out went on smoother than before. It felt just too right to kiss Jaebum, his lips seemed to mold perfectly against his own. The slide of their tongues wasn’t as insistent as it had been when they first kissed, back to the laundry room. This time around, it was as if they simply wanted to drink each other’s soft noises and revel in their respective tastes, calm and attentive, lazy in the most sensual of ways, even though they still had the presence of mind to know that anyone could catch them there. They were simply taking their time alone, and enjoying it fully.

“I missed your lips,” Jaebum breathed against his lips once they parted with a tantalizingly wet smack, the hot blow of air sending shivers down his spine until it arched unconsciously against the wall. He swayed forward, seeking Jaebum’s lips for another kiss before he could go any further away. There was a tingle sensation spreading sinuously through where their lips touched and dragged together, and it burned like fire whenever their dainty fleshes pressed onto each other.

“They’re right here,” he answered, breathless, the kiss having stolen all the breath from his lungs. His heart hammered inside his chest, and there was this meek tremble guiding his movements when he reached for the back of Jaebum’s neck to keep the man in place as he swept in to connect their mouths again and again and again.

 Slender fingers pressed onto the short hair at the back of Jaebum’s head, thumb caressing the pulse point on his neck, and Jaebum, pliant and eager, angled his neck the way Jinyoung wanted, tipping his chin and creating just the perfect angle for the younger to nip at his already bruising lower lip. Jinyoung had a thing or two for napes. It was an understatement to say he almost came hard in his sweatpants when Jaebum groaned into his mouth, overwhelmed.

 Jaebum parted away again, and his eyes looked so dark and dangerously glazed, Jinyoung made a guttural sound that could be easily assumed as a needy whine. Their breathing matched in unevenness, and god, did it feel sexy to pant against each other’s mouths somehow. “Now. They were out of reach before, weren’t they? I figured you wouldn’t want to do anything else before we talked.”

 Jinyoung slid his hands down and fisted them in the other’s t-shirt, crumpling it awfully by clutching the material like it were his lifeline, knuckles brushing over what he could feel like to be the fierce wall of muscles Jaebum harbored in his abdomen. He regarded the man in front of him, taking in the beautiful blush tainting his cheeks and wondering whether his own face looked that pink and wanton. “How do you do that?”

 That stunning pair of predatorily dark eyes were back to focusing on Jinyoung’s lips when the older between them asked, distractedly, “do what?”

“Read my mind, every freaking time.”

 Jaebum simply giggled at that, and he looked so purely happy he seemed to be glowing. He was so beautiful. Jinyoung didn’t think he could come to love Jaebum more than he already did, but everyday he was proved wrong. He could, and he did. Loving every moment of it, loving every moment he loved Jaebum a little bit more.

 Cradling the sharp jaw into the palm of his hands, Jinyoung dedicated his most dazzling smile to Jaebum before leaning in once again, sealing his inner thoughts and emotions with another heartfelt kiss. And as they kissed, none of them seemed to take notice of the plastic bag that now lied flatly on the floor by Jinyoung’s feet, long forgotten.

 Had the ice creams totally melted by the time they arrived in the practice room, nearly half an hour later, no one seemed to link it to the swelled and dark red state of their lips.

 

 By Saturday night, Jackson was struck down with a full-blown flu, announcing he wouldn’t be heading out with the others as in their routine of going to clubs or doing whatever that kept them away from home until the boring club session of the night was deemed over. And it might have been the fact that it was already so engraved in them, that routine of having the dorm all for their own during Saturday nights, that neither Jinyoung nor Jaebum seemed to remember they weren’t alone anymore that specific night.

 And that’s why when they stopped one of their heated sessions of making out in the sofa to stare wide-eyed at a completely pokerfaced Jackson staring right back at them, Jinyoung knew he’d have a lot of explaining to do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. THEY SAID IT!!!! FINALLY!!!!  
> Next chapter is uhm. Probably the. Last one. I just thought I should let y'all know. (I'm sad, too) Anyway. I'm awkwardly speechless as of now, so I'll leave just like this. See you around!!!! :D


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this was gonna be the last update…sorry to break it to you but ermm—it’s actually not (omg I’m sorry I keep contradicting myself every time). (tho I think this is actually a good thing? Not sure, not sure).
> 
> The thing is, the chapter was getting too long. Almost 20K. And I was like fuck this won’t do. And if I squeezed all in here, it’d get idk crowded? Packed? Too much information? Dunno, it’d get weird. So I chose against it ‘cause I’d feel bad to rush things up in behalf of finishing the chap in less than damn 20K.
> 
> Ughhh just. Hope you understand and yeah, enjoy this one too.

 

 Jinyoung has had this foreboding feeling squeezing at his chest ever since he woke up that fated Saturday, the faint shadows ghosting around his bedroom walls, produced by sunlight creeping in through the blinds and creating contrast over the furniture, seeming somewhat off and making him feel wary.

 He had pushed that odd feeling to the back of his mind though, continuing on with his day. And by late afternoon, it had turned into a fleeting thought, itching uncomfortably on his subconscious, but not too much as in to make him take that into consideration or further analysis whatsoever. He had simply let it aside, let it go.

 It hasn’t been hard to focus on other things, anyway. Jinyoung has been feeling restless for the past few days, more precisely ever since last Wednesday, after Jaebum and he had finally come to terms with their feelings and confessed to each other. He was restless because he was so impossibly eager, looking forward to their next weekly gathering for discussing books, wondering how would be their approach—their dealing—of the matter now that the unresolved tension between them had dissipated, and they could be true to themselves and do whatever they honestly wanted. The back of his neck prickled, anxiously.

 The erotic book they were supposed to be discussing about that night was the last of his worries, even though it should be the first one, since well, it was mainly because of it that they were gathering around a table full of snacks and alcohol week after week now, and have been doing for the past half a month.

 Nevertheless, Jinyoung had indulged himself into reading it fully, reaching the very end of the book the night before their settled encounter. His notebook had been repaired somewhere between Thursday and Friday, therefore he had read the last few chapters through it, giving the printed copy of that novel back to Jaebum so he could also resume his reading. And god, hadn’t that book just been simply fascinating.

 The ending had been about the couple cuddling up in bed after one sweet and affectionate round of sex, thinking about their future together right before they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Jinyoung had found it adorable, though still being mindful of how cliché that kind of ending was, especially when in those genre of books. It’d been a great ending nonetheless, full of love and hope.

 Of course, there’d been parts where he would scoff and even force himself to keep on reading, given the boringness of some scenes and all, but if judged by the whole thing, it was one of the best books he’d ever read. The passages were so smooth, and the romance was so endearing to be followed. It’d been such a refreshing change from the books he was so tiredly used to reading.

 There’ve been someone –and he couldn’t quite remember whether it has been his mother or father–, somewhere, that have told him about what made of a book a truly wonderful one. He’d listened closely then, and the words stuck even now in his head and heart, reverberating through him.

 They’ve said, a good book isn’t the one that uses from difficult words to embellish their work, nor is it the one that describe every single detail of what is happening in the portrayed story. A good book is, above everything, the one that make you cry, laugh, get angry, and suffer along; the one that make you _feel_. The book that manages to touch you, so deep and so sincerely that you’d be drawing a smile only by remembering it afterwards. That was a good book.

 And Jinyoung have felt it with that erotic novel Jaebum had one day come up to him with, preaching about it being interesting and worth of a try. Despite suspecting all those feelings and emotions he’d felt while reading it hasn’t been totally caused by the story portrayed in there, and yes by the satisfied glint he saw on Jaebum’s dark eyes whenever he spoke up about it, Jinyoung still considered that one a marvelous book.

 And they would be discussing about it that Saturday. Jinyoung was sure Jaebum has also finished reading it by then, once the man was very known by practically swallowing book after book within a really short span of weeks. They’d share thoughts about the story, saying what they liked and disliked, giving their most sincere inklings on the narration and development of characters. That night would be their last one with that suggestive novel—that unraveled so many wonderful and meaningful things between the two of them—standing in the spotlight.

 Jinyoung could feel those nervous prickles on his neck again. It’d be the end of that self discovery journey of theirs, and their feelings. Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel uneasy and insecure about the closing of it. Knowing that what had opened up their eyes to something so extremely important in their lives was about to wrap up and end, left a bad taste on his mouth. Wistful, he missed it all already.

 Once he’d been so engrossed thinking about all the things that could happen that night (and lead to happen in the future), the initial oddness he’d felt early in the morning seemed as though it had never happened.

 That until, of course, the oh-so-awaited night finally came, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something crucially important he was forgetting about as Jaebum came from the kitchen with their already so usual greenish bottles of soju. As he settled them on the table, Jinyoung looked up. It still was so strange, watching Jaebum with the amount of love he felt towards the man threatening to choke him up, and knowing he felt the same for him back. It felt delightfully unreal.

 Though he’d braced himself for having one godawful long talk about the erotica book that night and thus deeming over whatever crazy rollercoaster of events it’d actually led them to, Jinyoung couldn’t say he was totally surprised when, instead of discussing the novel, they found themselves going for each other’s lips quite avidly as soon as Jaebum sat beside him.

 However, it was quite shocking to suddenly hear footsteps coming through the corridor and then coming to a halt right at the living room entrance, seemingly startled. By then, Jinyoung had already climbed onto Jaebum’s lap so they could make out properly while grinding onto each other and all, so he had to seat back a bit over the man’s thighs in order to pull away and stare at the doorway, bewildered.

 There weren’t words strong enough as to faithfully describe how astonished Jinyoung had felt when his widened eyes landed on Jackson, standing only a few steps away from them, barefoot and wrapped kinda comically in a huge and looking very comfy blanket, staring.

 It felt as if all the air had been punched out Jinyoung’s lungs right then, his expression possibly reminding one of a deer caught in headlights. He choked out a noise (that settled somewhere between a shriek and a gasp) and Jaebum seemed to catch up on the fact that something was wrong, looking over his shoulder to confirm his dreadful suspects.

 The look on Jackson’s face was unreadable. Like really, it was blank and intense and likewise glazed, all at the same time. Jinyoung didn’t know what to make of it, neither did Jaebum, who had stiffened underneath him ever since they noticed they’ve been caught.

 The moment stretched on from agonizing three more minutes, Jackson quietly looking at them and both Jaebum and Jinyoung shuddering under his gaze, too startled to even move. Raw guilty consumed them as the silence grew more awkward and uncomfortable by the second, detrimental and unforgiving.

 Jinyoung wanted to say something; to explain. Had he tried to speak up, over and over again, opening and closing his mouth several times in tries of getting a word out, no real sound managed to break the barrier of panic that tightened his throat. It was so despairing, and it felt so awful. Jinyoung felt all the weight of his insecurities and worries regarding the future of their group in case Jaebum and he hooked up crashing down on him.

 He hasn’t considered the others ever since they got together, too enthralled by that new brilliant reality that englobed loving Jaebum and being loved right back. He hasn’t considered what would be of them in case they got exposed and everything else, and it was killing him now. It felt like he’d betrayed the rest of his friends somehow. Jinyoung felt like he couldn’t breathe. He felt like he was a bad friend.

 And he waited for Jackson’s outburst with a mixture of resignation and fear coiling hotly at his stomach, pulling aching strings at his heart. However, when he watched in profound disbelief and awe how Jackson simply rested one shoulder against the doorframe and sniffed noisily, looking as sick as he was, he didn’t know what to expect anymore.

“My throat hurts. Can’t sleep.” Were the first things Jackson said, coughing in between his sentences as if to make his point. Adjusting the blanket around himself, he shifted a bit on his spot and then shuffled closer, unabashedly seating on the sofa armrest as clumsy as he could, given the restraining of movements that that heavy layer of cloth proportioned to his body.

 Jaebum and Jinyoung were so thrown off by the calmness and apparent detachment lingering on the other man’s voice and acts, by the oddness of that all, that they both nearly flailed when Jackson sat by their side. Jinyoung remained seated on Jaebum’s lap regardless, brain too busy having a breakdown to actually send messages for his body to snap and climb down the other’s pretty comfy thighs.

 They stared at the chocolate brown haired guy as though he’d grown a third head. Jackson stared back at them blankly.

“Um…” Jinyoung tried, frowning at how husky his voice sounded, since he couldn’t quite pinpoint whether it was that deep from his boiling nerves or the way Jaebum had been kissing the life out of him moments ago. Clearing his throat, he pushed the thoughts aside in order to resume his speaking, “u-uh, have you…Um. Have you taken some medicine?”

 Jackson hummed, played with the hem of his fluffy blanket. “Yeah. M’waiting for it to start working. They say it works better if taken right before going to bed, so I did. But how am I supposed to sleep for it to make some effect when I start coughing like crazy when my head hits the pillow? My throat hurts, by the way. Have I said my throat hurts before?”

“Yes, you have.” There was a hint of annoyance coloring Jaebum’s voice when he sighed out, but the look on his eyes flashed condescending worry as he turned to spare a brief glance at Jackson. He still felt odd as fuck in the situation they were put into, though. Heat prickled the imminence of his high cheekbones, just as it did to the lowest of his stomach, the pit buzzing with embarrassing yearn still.

 It was so mortifying to sport a hard-on and literally tremble by the intensity of it with Jackson sitting right beside them in the sofa and Jinyoung still straddling him from the dry humping they’d been doing before. Jaebum felt like crying in shame. It’d be a good moment for that stray asteroid coming closer to earth he’d heard about in the News a few days ago to finally hit it and end them all. It would save him some painfully cringe-worthy moments when he thought about that night later.

“I guess I have a fever, too.” Jackson commented, serious, and scooted even closer over the cushioned furniture, leaning in and offering his face for them to check. They startled once again, Jinyoung clumsy shifting on his spot over Jaebum’s thighs in order to lean away from a very unbothered Jackson, right hand gripping at Jaebum’s left shoulder before he could lose balance and fall off.

 There was a low grunt coming from Jaebum then, the sudden fumbling above his lap causing their crotches to accidently rub together, strained denims catching where zippers hung slightly open. Jinyoung shut his eyes tightly, trying to ignore the shudder shooting up his back. When they snapped open again, they blurrily focused back on the third wheel hanging around in the living room.

 And Jinyoung could swear he saw a wicked yet very subtle smirk tugging at Jackson’s mouth then, like he was enjoying himself by seeing their obvious struggle. However, when he blinked a couple of times to cleanse his sight from the red screen desire had blinded him with, pokerfaced Jackson was back into place, and looking even more oblivious to his unwanted presence in there than before.

 Jinyoung felt like punching him square in the face, but found himself reaching in and placing a gentle hand against the man’s forehead to check his temperature instead. The patch of skin he touched was warm, and it surely had a light sweaty, sticky feel to it, but it wasn’t that much as to deem him feverish.

 He withdrew his hand just as true relief unhelpfully washed through him. Jackson looked up, expecting the verdict. Doing his most to look annoyed and running low on patience, he heaved an exasperated sigh. “You don’t have a fever, Jackson. The medicine will do its effects when it does. You have to rest, or else it won’t work.”

“I know, I know.” The man whined, looking discontent. Jinyoung would have cooed at him and pinched his cheek and sent him off to bed again, if it weren’t for his brain suddenly being a jerk and deciding that it would be a good idea to send all his blood to the outer side of his thigh, where he could still feel the meander warmth of Jaebum’s left hand, silently needling his self-control.

 It was then that he suddenly became _very_ conscious of how he was still straddling Jaebum like he would to a horse, and they weren’t even alone anymore. He climbed down the other’s lap, hastily, trying to look as nonchalant and composed as he could while doing so, but ending up ridiculously yelping whilst nearly falling off the sofa in the process. With an awkward shuffle, he slumped in between Jaebum and Jackson, feeling as odd as the situation the three of them were in.

 Curiously, even though Jinyoung felt cold sweat gathering at the back of his neck and sliding down his back, the air didn’t feel as cramped as he once expected it to do. Of course, he was still at the verge of having a meltdown with the way things had turned out, and worries about what it’d be of them in the morning after kept bubbling up in his mind like boiling soup. But it didn’t feel as harmful and nocive as he’d thought it would. At least not yet.

“Guess I’ll go back to sleep.” Jackson announced after a while, lazily putting himself back onto his bare feet, adjusting the blanket over his shoulders. He still looked so calm, being about to leave without a word about what had happened. Jinyoung would never say he’d just witnessed two of his male best friends making out in the living room.

 Only three options could faithfully explain that: a) Jackson was totally fucked out of his senses because of the flu, b) the jerk was plotting some evil plan to blackmail them with unrestrained displays of affection towards him after that, or c) he just didn’t care, supporting them in whatever. Jinyoung strongly hoped for the last one, but the aftereffects of his anxiety crisis wouldn’t allow the thought to stick.

 Shuffling his feet, Jackson coughed all his way to the doorway leading to the corridor, stopping by it and looking over one blanketed shoulder at the other two men, “g’night, and don’t stay up so late.”

“Goodnight, Jackson,” Jinyoung said back and Jaebum joined him by echoing a way quieter _goodnight_ in response. When Jackson was on his way through the door though, Jinyoung called after him, “and put on some slippers!”

 He didn’t wait a reply, but it came anyway. And despite Jackson being already out of sight, walking up the corridor to his shared bedroom, Jinyoung could still picture the mischievous, naughty gleam that must have crossed his friend’s handsome face when he gushed out, “and you put on some condom!”

 The soft click of the door being closed echoed through the empty corridor not much later, but Jinyoung was still trying to think over the sirens blaring inside his head to take notice. His body did a funny thing, switching from icing cold to burning hot and feeling like an itching cocktail of both. The uneven thrumming of his heart echoed on his ears, just like Jackson’s voice, all witty and knowing, saying ‘ _and you put on some condom!’_ as if he’d been aware of the unforgiving boner both Jaebum and he still sported under their jeans all along.

 And Jinyoung came to the jolting realization that yeah, he likely did. Jackson has been aware of everything, and played them around his pretty finger by pretending he didn’t know a thing, being the sharp and overly attentive smartass he was. That desire of smacking Jackson with a punch enveloped his senses like a warm blanket again, and grasped it with nimble fingers, squeezing hard. He _hated_ Jackson.

 Before he could properly express some reaction, or even get to a self agreement of what kind of reaction he wanted to have, though, there was a goofy, unbelievable laugh ringing by his side, and once he snapped his head towards the sound, he found himself staring at Jaebum’s unabashedly big grin, dumbfounded.

“We’re so fucked,” the man croaked out after catching up the disbelief shimmering in Jinyoung’s doe eyes, sweeping a hand over his face as if he was in despair and it was all so bad that he felt like laughing in borderline hysteria. That unexpected reaction of him kind of reaped an amused chuckle from Jinyoung, and soon enough the both of them were sharing helpless chortles.

 The mood was ruined, terribly so. They were still both half hard in their pants, sure, but the interruption and consequent acknowledging that they’ve been caught, had cooled things up. Jinyoung reached out for the hand that still covered part of Jaebum’s face in defeat, entangling their fingers together when Jaebum smiled tiredly and held his palm up for him to take it.

 Jinyoung could feel anxiety working like acid on his guts, unsure of what to expect to happen next. He didn’t know whether Jackson would spread the word about Jaebum and he first thing in the morning, or let it bake for some more time before breaking the news.

 The man didn’t look bothered by discovering about them or their sexual orientation whatsoever, so Jinyoung doubted he’d do something purposely harmful to them. But then, Jackson just had a big mouth. He could let it slip, whether he ever decided to keep it a secret. His intentions could be good—and they likely would, since everything Jackson did was heartfelt and aiming the best for everyone—, but what if he blurted the secret out and the rest of their friends felt bothered by it? Jinyoung loved them more than words could ever describe; he couldn’t take any of them looking at him disgustedly. So he feared.

 He feared for their friendship, and he feared for the relationship that promised to bloom between Jaebum and him. He feared for the possibility of having to choose between one of them.

 Jinyoung shook his head, trying to get himself out of that dangerous net of conflicted thoughts that hooked around his feet and threatened to suck him down. His eyes wandered back to where Jaebum stood, and there they lingered. Jaebum looked back at him, squeezing his hand comfortingly, just as though he had seen something in Jinyoung’s eyes that gave away how in need of some support he was. Jinyoung sighed, trying to smile and ending up making a weird grimace instead.

 With a meek tilt of head, Jaebum pouted at him, in that sweetly teasing way parents did when their kids were whining about something and they couldn’t help finding it especially adorable. Jinyoung aimed a shove on his shoulder in reprehension, but the next thing he knew was Jaebum dodging the push and sweeping in to give him a clumsy, endearing kiss. He fought against it at first, halfheartedly, though it didn’t take much for him to be melting within Jaebum’s arms once again.

 

 Had Jinyoung managed to sleep the night before, it’d been for barely three hours; mind too full of worries to drift away and into dreamland.

 Jaebum and he hadn’t gone on with their little fun in the sofa after being caught by Jackson, deeming their weekly gathering over without even exchanging a word about the book, going each to their respective rooms to sleep. It was the best thing to do; otherwise they could get caught by another of their friends later on, when they came back from the club they had gone to earlier that night, and the disclosure of it could have been not as good as before. They should be cautious. So they greeted each other goodnight and went to sleep. Or at least try to.

 Jinyoung had spent bloody two hours shifting and turning on his bed then, the frustration of not getting a release when he still packed a mild boner in his jeans having only turned things worse. He was frustrated and worried, and that was never a good sign.

 Unable to stop himself from overthinking and assuming the worst in absolutely everything, he had wondered whether it would’ve been better for Jaebum and he to just go down on each other while they still could, and get that out of their systems, even though they could get themselves even deeper into the figurative shit their situation represented.

 Because it would be all over once the rest of their friends found about it, right? Their managers would likely find a way to know about that too, and someone would have to leave on behalf of the group. Jinyoung would rather think the one to leave would be him; the thought of putting a rock over Jaebum’s dream of singing and composing his own songs, showing his true colors and talent, and getting the great recognition he deserved for it by sending him away, unbearable. If someone had to leave, Jinyoung would make sure it would be himself.

 Somewhere along the detrimental line of thought his mind insisted on following, he had drifted off. A dreamless sleep with fleeting wonders where everything had gone wrong and he never saw Jaebum’s face again after they were pulled apart, flashed across his closed eyes. Persistently remembering him of how fucked his mind was in regards of that whole matter.

 Jinyoung woke up not much after he’d managed to nap, breaking a cold sweat. Sunlight already crept into his bedroom through the blinds, unforgiving to his screwed up eyes. It probably was some time near six in the morning or so. The digital clock on the nightstand was unplugged from the wall socket for some reason he was too tired to recall, and the effort to plug it back in to check the time seemed unworthy. So he didn’t.

 With a sigh, he shoved the blankets away and stood up. He wouldn’t be getting any more sleep than the little he had already gotten, so there was no point in keep rolling around in his bed. Maybe a shower would help him relax. And motivated by this incredibly positive thought, he tiptoed his way out of the room and aimed for the bathroom across the corridor.

 The door was closed when he reached it. Steam flowed out through the gap under the door, the soft hum of water running and hitting the tiles echoing from inside the room, discernible. Jinyoung wondered who’d be already up and about at that early hour of a Sunday, considering the seven of them usually tended to wake up way later than that.

 Jaebum’s face briefly crossed his mind before he could push the thought away. It would be just his luck to stumble onto Jaebum taking a hot shower now, wouldn’t it? After being left hanging and straining in his boxers the night before, and waging an internal war of conflicting unanswered questions about what they should do after being caught. That would actually be a great time to put that last wish of his to work, that one where he considered going down on each other before it all crumbled.

 And the worst was that, on top of having this mournful need to taste and feel Jaebum one last time, Jinyoung was feeling lewd and horny after having the golden door to his orgasm closed on his face a couple of hours ago, so whatever inhibitions provenient from his naturally reserved personality were currently numb and inactive right now. That could be dangerous still, he knew; but Jinyoung had his fingers holding onto the doorknob already.

 The possibility of that doesn’t being Jaebum the one across the door made him hesitate, only by a moment, but still. However, with an incredible sense of detachment in regards of the embarrassment he’d be likely putting himself through then, Jinyoung simply decided to try his luck nonetheless. If it were someone else, he could always say he just wanted to pee and was so sleepy he didn’t even notice there was someone using the bathroom already. The perfect plan, really.

 There wasn’t much to be heard besides the constant flow of water when Jinyoung stepped into the bathroom. Jaebum usually hummed to some old Blues tunes or still unfinished self-written songs when in shower. Jinyoung hesitated again, halfway through the door. Maybe that had been a bad idea after all; a dumb and thoughtless idea that would put an end to the rest of his—

“A-Ah, Jinyoung…”

— _hopes_. Jinyoung felt himself go tense, completely so. There was this funny sensation rattling underneath his skin, fuzzy and boastful, flaring his ego just as much as turning his stomach in a somersault of restless butterflies. Breath held, his ears perked up to listen to the breathless moaning of his name echoing through the white walls, both mind and body shivering with the certainty that it’s been Jaebum’s voice the one emitting it. He couldn’t decide whether the heartbeat thrumming inside his veins had slowed down to a near halt or increased impossibly in speed.

 A muffled gasp followed shortly, reverberating through the damp air and filling it with sinful promises, and it wasn’t much after that that Jinyoung realized in full what was happening inside the shower stall, eyes widening at the lean silhouette partly hidden by the glass shower enclosure. It wasn’t that hard to figure out anyway. Jaebum’s little whimpers gave away pretty much everything.

 Slowly closing the door behind himself with an almost imperceptible _click_ , he palmed his hands over the plain surface and leaned against it, feeling as if his legs would collapse on him otherwise. The wood was coated in condensation, steamy room immersed in fog and an almost suffocating, thick atmosphere, and it dampened the back of his pajama shirt where it rested against the door.

 There was another gasp rippling across the sultry air, broken and nearly _fragile_ , this time fading into a soft groan before mixing with the hum of water crashing against the tiles, flowing down the drain. Jinyoung closed his eyes, overwhelmed. His imagination went in overdrive.

 How many times had he fantasized about Jaebum jerking off to the thought of him, he couldn’t really tell. It’s been so many of them, so many of those moments where he would wonder how would it be to have the older growing inside his own pumping fist while thinking of him, calling his name at the peak of his madness.

 Of course, that isolated fantasy hasn’t posed to him as even remotely possible until a few weeks ago, but still. It didn’t stop the wheels of his mind from swirling in dirty musing. And now, well. Now it didn’t seem as impossible anymore.

 Choosing to ignore the nagging feeling poking at the back of his mind like a persistent needle, begging him to reconsider that whole situation, his entire body turned over into tackle mode and drove all the dark thoughts from his mind. The main focus now was on the way Jaebum’s figure kept fidgeting in there, blurry behind the glass stall.

 Led by the demure shiver raking up and down his spine at the soft sounds Jaebum kept doing in the back side of the shower, Jinyoung pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side, the cloth mercilessly abandoned to dampen and get soaked in the wet ground. And in a fluid, determined movement, he slid the glass door open and stepped inside, wickedly relishing in the way Jaebum’s head shot up at the intrusion.

 The fact that Jaebum had been gripping his own cock when Jinyoung stormed in was an understatement, just like the one that he had hastily let go of it out of shock for being caught.

 Before the man could do anything besides widening his eyes and gaping at him in utter astonishment though, Jinyoung was already sweeping in and grabbing him by the forearm, slamming the lean and broad body against the tiles along the back side of the shower. He didn’t know from where that awestruck boldness had come from, but he felt his dick filling in at the sudden empowerment.  

 The guttural growl that left Jaebum’s throat when his back hit the wall permeated Jinyoung’s ears and shot straight to his crotch, the mild boner from early dawn springing back to life that easily. Without thinking twice, or even thinking at all, Jinyoung simply pressed himself against the other and kissed him with intent and unmasked need.

 The hot spray of water that once showered Jaebum’s body reverently now hit Jinyoung’s back, sliding down and past the expanse of it, soaking the pajama shorts he didn’t mind taking off before. Even though still surprised and confused, Jaebum kissed him back almost right away. Their tongues slid together with hot, sensuous languorousness; a warm prelude with a slow build up. One hand rose to clutch at the back of his neck, and he hummed when fingers pressed onto his nape to indulge him further and deeper into the liplock.

 And it was so wet; the mouth molding against his own, the skin brushing over his cheek as theirs faces tilted and turned into better angles, the hand clutching at his nape to ground him there (even though he knew he wasn’t going anywhere), the naked chest pressed flush against his. Jinyoung felt like he’d dived into the deepest sea and was slowly drowning on its tempting dark waters. It was so thrilling, enticing. _Bold_.

“Jinyoung…” Jaebum breathed as soon as their mouths disconnected, lips brushing over lips as the words flowed out, glazed eyes blinking open despite the dizzying closeness of their faces. “What…?”

 Jinyoung swallowed the words out of Jaebum’s mouth by kissing those full lips again, like he were a man drowning and the older man were a lungful of oxygen. He wasn’t confident about what may come out his mouth in case he tried to speak up about the turmoil of feelings whirling his guts and mind altogether, so it was better for him to defer it as much as he could.

 But it seemed as though Jaebum wasn’t okay with giving him that free-pass to do whatever he felt like doing without providing some explanations beforehand, if the way he parted away in within only a few seconds of kissing was something to go by. Jinyoung whined. At the loss of the intoxicating heat radiating from Jaebum’s mouth or the upcoming confront about what the _hell_ he was doing, he didn’t know. He simply looked as dismayed as he inwardly was.

“Are you ok?,” was the question Jaebum threw at him, proving Jinyoung wrong in his premature assumption that that uncalled-for inquiry would start off with either a ‘what are you doing?’ or ‘why are you being like this?’.

 It was such a weird question, asking him if his was okay. It was weird because it hit home so accurately and in such short steps, and things like that usually took a more elaborated dialogue before the core of the problem could be reached. Jinyoung deflated, one more time amused at how sharply Jaebum could see right through him.

 Had he been asked this same question a few weeks ago, the answer would’ve come out as an outright lie about him being absolutely fine with everything and everyone, yes, not even a problem in his life. However, things flowed in another direction now, took a different course from before. The necessity to lie to Jaebum in order to protect himself was gone, a bleary ghost from the past.

 His heart trusted in Jaebum every beat it thudded out, without the bleak fear of getting pushed away if he spilled something too personal that could get the other feeling uncomfortable. Jinyoung felt safe to share his worries with the man whose dark eyes now watched him with sincere concern etched to his features. And that’s why he found himself shaking his head slightly, wearing a small smile only for the sake of softening the apprehension that automatically molded Jaebum’s brow into a frown.

 Short fingers skirted around the skin of his neck, the touch painfully gentle as fingertips caressed the side of his face until his cheek ended cupped in one still slightly wet hand. Jaebum searched his eyes. “Is it about us being caught? You’re beating himself for it, aren’t you?”

 Jinyoung chuckled despite himself, kind of bitterly still. “Can you stop doing that? It’s really annoying when you read my mind that easily, makes me feel like I’m an open book.” His words didn’t carry any menace on them, but Jaebum’s frown insisted on deepening at each uttered syllable, causing Jinyoung to sigh and shrug one naked shoulder, defeated. “I just want to feel you one last time, in case we get exposed and set apart, y’know.”

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum chastised, raven eyes softening in counterpoint, “this’s not gonna happen. You know the boys wouldn’t go out telling everyone about us, that in case Jackson even lets it slip in first place. You know them better than that, c’mon. They’d never do something to harm us.”

“I know, I know they wouldn’t—they won’t, but. Words travel fast. Manager hyung will likely find about it now, and even though we know he’s a good person too, his job comes first and—this is just so fucked up, hyung. I can’t help but think about all the bad points instead of even considering the good ones.”

 Jaebum hummed to the last part, agreeing. “You always tended to have dark thoughts and overthink everything. Actors are known to be quite dramatic, so it may be on your blood. You’re a natural.” A sharp, reprehensive slap echoed in the small space of the shower stall, but Jaebum smiled, holding Jinyoung’s hand firmly against the spot over his chest the man had just hit. “I’m serious, you’re making much more of it than it actually is. The kids will protect us, despite everything. I know they will. Especially Jackson. They can strange it at the beginning, yeah, but that’s that.”

 Jinyoung slowly nodded his head, running out of words to either contest or accept what he was being told. Of course he shared from Jaebum’s faith in their friends; they’ve developed such a strong bond throughout the years it was like they were a true family by now. He knew it in his heart that they would protect Jaebum and he in case things went really bad, and he knew it in his core too.

 It’s just that his mind couldn’t stop creating scenarios where absolutely everything crumbled down to ashes and they were left alone to fight for themselves. It was just beyond himself, overthinking and overreacting until his brain was ready to burst.

 Nevertheless, Jaebum held this strange power over him, being able to sooth him with simple but heartfelt words, putting his mind more at ease than it’d ever manage to be if trying to fight by itself. Jaebum made it seem so easy, to lift the weight on his heart until he couldn’t feel the constricting sensation wrapping it up into a tight grip. Jaebum was his anchor whenever he dumbly fell into the vast ocean of messed up thoughts lying within himself. Jinyoung couldn’t have ever asked for more.

 His heart swelled as he admired the reassuring smile Jaebum wore on his suggestively reddened and slight puffy lips, and for the first time since last night, Jinyoung actually _believed_ that they could get through that in some way or another.

 The steady gush of water still sprinkled his shoulder blades, relentless. Jinyoung pressed himself further against Jaebum, quietly reliving in the soft sound that escaped the older’s throat when their crotches all but grinded together. Snaking one arm around broad shoulders, hand slipping in between Jaebum’s nape and the coolness of the tiles, Jinyoung caressed at the damp short hair in there before leaning in, brushing their lips just barely, before confessing out, “I love you. So much.”

 The remaining bits of tenseness that lingered on the edges of Jaebum’s shoulders dissipated into thin air after that, eyes carrying that adorable glint of pure endearment they always had whenever he looked at Jinyoung. He ducked his head the rest of the way and kissed Jinyoung in answer to those sweet words.

 They kissed for what felt like a year but had probably been barely ten minutes, sometimes all tongue and teeth, sometimes just the sharing of chaste pecks. Bruised lips locking and pulling away continuously as for them to catch some breath here and there. The running water crashing against the tiles fading into white noise as the smack of their mouths sliding together rhythmically seemed to be everything that really produced a sound in there.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung croaked out as they parted, slight surprised by how rough his voice sounded in his own ears. Jaebum’s lashes were dotted with water drops when his eyes fluttered open to look back at him. Unable to hold himself back, he leaned in to kiss those twinkling crystals away, attentive to the soft stuttering of Jaebum’s breath as he closed his lids again, allowing the gesture. “Hyung. I’m curious.”

“About what?” One of Jaebum’s hands had snaked around his waist to palm over the sinuous curve of his spine, the pad of his fingers pressing onto the dip of his lumbar before sliding down and under the drenched waistband of his just about as soaked shorts. It didn’t reach further down, though; stationary on its spot right above the lower back.

 Jinyoung sucked in a breath. “What were you doing before I came in? I heard my name.”

 There was a visible halt to Jaebum’s other hand’s sideway ministrations between his shoulder blades, the hand on his lower back also retreating a few centimeters up his spine as though he wasn’t sure of himself anymore.“I… I was…” hearing (and actually _feeling_ ) the fluttering sound of Jinyoung’s chuckle rumbling across the cheekbone where that peachy mouth currently distributed tiny pecks on, he perked up. “You. Already know, don’t ya? Y’just want to hear me saying it.”

“Was I doing good? You sounded so whiny and desperate. So _wrecked_.” Jinyoung choked, the sound almost equating with a needy sob, when Jaebum’s hand nimbly slipped further down and into his shorts again, hesitating not even for a second before grabbing one buttcheek hard, kneading the moist flesh fiercely. “I wonder what you were imagining…fantasizing about. I wonder what kind of things. What kind of things I was doing to drive you that _seeking_.”

“Damn, Jinyoung,” Jaebum dropped his head to cradle between Jinyoung’s neck and shoulder, and licked the few beads of warm water sprinkled over the flushing skin. He shifted his legs, spread them wider; making room for Jinyoung to slot himself in between.

 Their bodies pressed flush against one another, aligned crotches separated only by the thin damp layer of Jinyoung’s pajama shorts. Jinyoung was the one to roll his hips first, propelled by the possessive roaming of Jaebum’s hands over his lower back and butt. They both moaned at the much needed friction.

“Tell me.” The younger pleaded between one breathless huff. Jaebum’s both hands were dived into his shorts by now, rough palms squeezing and stroking, kneading his likely reddened buttcheeks like bread dough, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe with the way the man kept pulling him forward by them, forcing their crotches to rut deliciously harsh. “Tell me what you’ve fantasized about.”

 Jaebum dragged his tongue up a path from the base of Jinyoung’s neck until his parted mouth, and then they were kissing again. Licking at the seam of those barely pressed lips to pry them open, he hummed in the back of his throat when Jinyoung acquiesced, delighted, sliding his tongue inside and engaging the both of them in another deep kiss. He nibbled at the other’s upper lip then, trapping the dainty flesh between his teeth before tugging at it, sensually, enticingly. Jinyoung swallowed the loud cry that threatened to break through his throat at the overstimulation.

“We were back to the laundry room,” Jaebum panted, trying to regain some air by occupying himself with worshipping Jinyoung’s warm skin, taking both hands away from his shorts to smooth them along his back as Jinyoung started trailing smooches downwards. “You were, um. You were asking me to enter you again.”

“Yeah?” Hands reverently caressing the strong planes of Jaebum’s chest and stomach, Jinyoung curved himself inch by inch until his mouth was sweeping close enough to a breathtakingly hard nipple.

 The way Jaebum’s breath caught on his throat when Jinyoung blew a gush of hot air over one nub, sent stirring heat to course through his pulsing groin. Maddening arousal burned low in his stomach with unquenched fire at the prospect of bringing Jaebum satisfaction only by playing with his nipples. He looked up from under lowered eyelashes, gaze heavy. Jaebum gulped.

“Yeah. And I didn’t say no this time.” Desire surged at his words, a muttered curse fitting somewhere in between his intakes of breath. As if he was about to lose his balance at the way Jinyoung kept their eyes locked while ghostly pecking the middle of his heaving chest, he placed one hand over the sweaty glass of the shower stall to ground himself, palm and fingers leaving imprints on the condensate surface.

 Jinyoung leaned himself on his arms, both caging Jaebum against the tiles as he palmed his hands over the wall behind the man’s broad back. “And what happened?”

“I took you right then. Dry and raw. I turned you around and shoved you against the w-washing machine—oh, my god,” one hoarse groan rumbled across his chest, low and unbidden, as the wetness of Jinyoung’s mouth enveloped his right nipple in a tempting hot cage. Shivers shook him all over, the following suction around the areola causing the rational line of his thoughts to dither. “Fuck, oh, Jinyo—ung. What are you doing?”

 It was a rhetorical question. Jinyoung simply smirked, continued with his ministrations on the rosy nub pressing against the flatness of his tongue. That was so thrilling, stimulating Jaebum until he got his breathing uneven and ragged in ecstasy. Jinyoung felt powerful somehow, and it spiked lust to pulse in his veins, cock stirring.

“What happened next?” He prodded, leaving the bright red nipple with a wet _pop_ before giving the other the same attention. His hips jerked ever so slightly when Jinyoung sucked the other rigid nub into his puckering mouth, teasing the tip with his tongue. And then those breathy sounds were back, those quiet little whimpers Jaebum did as he tried to suppress louder moans by biting onto his lower lip.

 Jinyoung made his way south after a while, water soaking his hair and falling over his head as he graciously dropped to his knees. The sheer disbelief and bewilderment shining in Jaebum’s glazed eyes was exhilarating. His straining cock throbbed in the precarious confinement of his shorts, the layer leaving no room for wonder as it hugged every inch of his waist and crotch, outlining the view for a very attentive Jaebum looking from above.

 Jaebum seemed to struggle really hard to find the words—any words, really—and his voice came out deliciously husky and throaty and rough at the edges when he finally managed to speak. “I shoved you against the washing machine and. I fucked you hard, until you couldn’t stand properly without my help. I pounded into you, _wrecked_ you. Just like you kept begging me to do, in between whiny sobs. You felt so good. So amazingly tight, Jinyoung. You were burning hot.”

 Jinyoung couldn’t find it in within himself to hold in an enlivening moan, and so he didn’t. The mechanic sound of the tap being shut echoed through the room, heavy and thick with promises. Once the water stopped massaging the top of his head and back of his neck, Jinyoung watched Jaebum’s right hand retrieving from the tap and sliding over the condensation that coated the tiles, slowly, as if in a trance.

 His hands moved on autopilot then, heels pressing against Jaebum’s hipbones and fingers circling the narrow waist; their eyes remained locked on each other all along. The air felt loaded, and thicker than before. The alluring promise of what was about to happen weighting on them.

“Tell me if I do something wrong.” Jinyoung whispered in a thin voice, not even giving Jaebum the time to absorb the meaning of those words and actually react to them accordingly before he was breathing heavily through his nose, as if he were about to dive underwater, and leaning in, giving a tentative lick to the flushed head of Jaebum’s erection.

 Jaebum’s next breath almost choked him, arousal hitting him with a rush of air from his lungs. Jinyoung took that reaction as a green light, bringing one hand to close around him as taking his cock into his mouth all the way back to his throat in one go, making an unhelpful choking noise before raising his head back slowly, letting Jaebum’s dick slide between his lips and curling his tongue around the head. After sucking at the slit for a few brief moments, he let it go with a filthy wet sound, and raised his eyes to look up at Jaebum again, expectantly.

 Jaebum’s brain had short-circuited. Jinyoung watched his reaction with full attention, mouth way too close to his spasming dick for his comfort, likely waiting for another kind of green light to keep on going, but Jaebum couldn’t bring himself to _fucking_ snap out of his stupor. He stared at how the younger batted his lashes in feigned innocence, and it was like there was a lump stuck on his throat.

 He couldn’t believe in what was happening. Of course, he did have fantasized about Jinyoung sucking him off far too many times already, but then there was it; fantasies. Imagined things, especially those ones that were quite impossible or improbable to happen in real life. Not even in his wildest dreams he dared to hope for something like that to actually happen. And that’s why he was so thrown off by Jinyoung’s determination in giving him a suck; thrown off and totally amused too. Beyond triggered, even.

 But before he could dwell on that thought further, another surge of electricity ran wild through his veins and he focused back (albeit still quite blurrily) at what was happening in between his legs. Yep, Jinyoung indubitably was keen in getting him off, because he was back to licking at the head of his cock, sucking it into his mouth and swallowing around the girth.

“Fuck,” Jaebum cried out, hips unconsciously bucking up at the sensation of welcoming heat that enveloped him, watching with heavily lidded eyes as Jinyoung bobbed his head to meet his thrusts in a slow pace. Mouth hanging open in a silent moan, he shivered.

 Jinyoung had once shared with him that he liked the sounds people made while in sexual encounters. Even though he’d been specific back then, uttering out how he liked the slapping sounds better than any other, Jaebum could relate to it now. Because damn did he love those obscene noises Jinyoung’s mouth kept emitting. The sucking, the swallowing, and the slurping. They were just so sinfully stimulating. Jaebum would definitely be getting off to them later.

 Pulling off slowly, Jinyoung allowed himself to catch some breath, panting softly and hotly against the sensitive flesh of Jaebum’s length. The hand he still got around Jaebum’s dick worked leisurely up and down the shaft, groping it languidly, and he leaned in again to push at the foreskin with the plumpness of his lips, dipping his tongue into the slit in sequence. Jaebum let out a startled breath before growling in delight. “W-Where did you learn to do this shit, oh my god.”

 He could feel the shape of a smirk forming against the underside of his cock, Jinyoung having dragged his mouth downwards whilst he swore at the spine-tingling sensation. “I’ve told you before, I watch a lot of gay porn videos.”

 Jaebum moaned, unrestrained and loud, head tilting back to rest against the tiles. Chest heaving with hiccupping sobs of pleasure as the other’s wet tongue stroked the oversensitive skin of his dick, he ran his trembling fingers through his damp hair and whimpered, hips stuttering in their bucking up, the telltale signs of a strong orgasm reaching in.

  The hand that wasn’t attached to his auburn hair, tugging at the strands roughly as if that would lessen the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach, reached down to caress Jinyoung’s silky hair in a sickeningly affable way. He didn’t try to make use of that to guide the movements of his head though, despising the idea of urging Jinyoung to do anything, even though his whole body rattled with the necessity of speeding up.

 As if on cue, Jinyoung picked up speed on the dangling of his hand, watching in greediness as the strokes pulled the foreskin down and over the head repetitively. Feeling his own dick twitching at the sight, he mouthed at the head and sank down along the shaft. It was like his free hand moved by its own then, guided by the flood of desire that ran rampant along his blood, running down and shimming its way inside his soaked shorts, deftly closing its fingers around his crotch.

 A suffering groan rumbled dangerously low in his chest when the relief of finally easing the pent up edge on his own cock by groping it roughly overloaded him. The echo of it reverberated through his chest and up his throat, sending vibrations to the very tip of Jaebum’s cock from where they connected.

 And then the soft stroking on his hair wasn’t that soft anymore; trembling fingers gripping hard at his wet strands, short nails grazing the scalp beneath. Jinyoung groaned again, as meekly as before.

 The mostly unintentional stimulation, albeit done rather fluttery, sparkled another surge of electricity to spread wildly through his shivering body, and Jaebum’s mouth fell open in a silent shout of pleasure, eyes screwed shut. Jinyoung reveled in how Jaebum looked so thoroughly wrecked and hopeless somehow. It was encouraging to witness the state of bliss he could drive Jaebum into with only his mouth around his girth. He felt powerful again. On the control.

 Quiet little pants left Jinyoung’s mouth every time he resumed his sucking on a particular part of Jaebum’s crotch, sometimes taking him so deep to the point of noosing the coarse hair at the base and breathing him in, the distinctive essence making him dizzy with yearn. Despite the position doesn’t being one of the most favorable for his neck, Jinyoung still went through the trouble of leaning his head backwards to watch with dark, predatory eyes Jaebum’s currently appearance.

 His lips were terribly abused by how much biting he’d been doing on them in failed attempts of holding his grunts in, and the bright red of his cheeks matched harmoniously with the flush that crept up his chest and neck. Although still dripping wet, his black hair posed in dishevelment on his head, likely from the tugging and unconscious ruffling the older man had been doing on it all along. It was such an erotic view. Jinyoung felt his cock pulse and throb in his hand. Definitely sexy, just like Jaebum.

 Jaebum kept blabbering nonsense as he lose his mind, moaning out prayers as Jinyoung dragged the upper row of his teeth over the oversensitive flesh of his dick until his swollen lips brushed against the balls hanging below. His abdomen flexed sporadically where his whole body anticipated the mind-blowing orgasm that seemed to burn his guts. He tried to warn Jinyoung that he was close, hand blindly touching the side of his face as far as he could reach in tries to push it away, but the verbal push Jinyoung seemed to need to understand what was all that patting supposed to mean, wouldn’t, for the life of him, leave his gaping mouth.

 And then the last straw of his self-control broke, and it all came crashing down on him when his cloudy gaze for once really focused on how Jinyoung’s hand worked in near desperation inside his damp shorts, frantically seeking the same kind of release as him.

 With a few last brisk jerks of his hips, Jaebum barely had time to tug at Jinyoung’s hair and pull him off his cock before he was moaning whiningly and spurting hot come over himself, some still spilling on Jinyoung’s chin and lower lip due to the proximity. He milked himself out of the last drops whilst hissing through his teeth, blown eyes never once leaving the pornographic sight of Jinyoung on his knees, mouth half open and plump lip stained with cum, hazily looking up at him while still jerking himself off. Jaebum whimpered weakly when his spent cock twitched despite itself.

 Jinyoung still pumped himself towards his orgasm when Jaebum crouched down in front of him and sought his mouth, tonguing at the thin white squirt dirtying his chin before bringing his lips to entangle with those equally reddened ones in a wet kiss.

 As they kissed, languidly and full of saliva, Jinyoung felt the tingle sensation burn low in his stomach and spread through his veins, the intensity of his oh-so-awaited orgasm making him hiccup a sob against Jaebum’s demanding mouth. And then they kissed through it, sharing feelings and sensations as their minds came back from cloud nine, speaking mountains without saying a word.

  It had been Jaebum the one to stand up from the sodden floor first, Jinyoung still standing on his knees all flushed and slightly out of breath as the shower was put into work one more time. The water hit the line of his bare shoulders warmly, massaging the exhausted muscles again and washing the sheen of sweat that had somehow covered his skin without his knowledge. It felt all too relaxing if combined with the meek buzz his orgasm left as a result on his satisfied body.

“You did great,” Jaebum’s voice was permeating the sated cloud that wrapped Jinyoung’s brain like a blanket, and it was then that the younger noticed how he was being helped back to his feet, and carefully put under the delightfully warm stream of water to get washed clean. Jinyoung looked at him, and his eyes zeroed in the stunning smile that stretched those enticingly swelled lips. “It was the best blowjob I’ve ever received.”

 Jinyoung actually scoffed at that, closing his eyes and angling his jaw towards the shower head, “c’mon. It was my first time giving head. I know there’ve been many others more experienced than me.”

“I didn’t say it was the most skilled I’ve ever received. I said it was the _best_.” Jaebum licked at the side of his neck, suddenly standing barely five centimeters away from him under the stream of water. His arms snaked around his waist, hands finally peeling those drenched shorts from his hairy legs so he could wash up properly. “It was the best ‘cause it was _you_ the one to do it.”

 Their bodies were pressed together as soon as the cloth got discarded to the side of the shower stall, for the first time touching fully. Jinyoung grinned with his eyes still closed, the feel of Jaebum’s hands roaming over his torso as though he were spreading soap on his limbs bringing heat to rattle underneath his skin. He sighed, allowing himself to enjoy the intimate caress. “I’m glad you liked it, then. Maybe next time you can come in my mouth? So I wouldn’t have to lick the remnants of it off my lips to get a taste of you.”

 Since they were almost in an entanglement of limbs, Jinyoung’s hands having gone to press against the broadness of the older man’s back, it hasn’t been that hard for him to feel the shiver that feathery traveled across Jaebum’s spine at his words. He savored that feeling for a while longer.

 It still felt pretty much surreal to be that close to Jaebum, to feel his heart beating against his own chest. Jinyoung still wasn’t that used to it. But damn did he love it with all his heart and soul. He didn’t want to trade that for anything in the world. That being as selfish as it sounded.

“We’ll see.” Was everything Jaebum replied him with, but when Jinyoung fluttered his eyes open, he could still notice the blush that adorned the man’s cheeks, and the look of pure adore that glimmered in his dark irises as he said it.

 With an impossibly bright smile coloring his red lips and stubborn wrinkles edging his almond eyes, Jinyoung simply nodded, letting Jaebum do as he pleased when the man insisted on shampooing his hair for him.

 

 Jaebum’s red hoodie fitted Jinyoung’s body as good as a potato bag did to a broom.

 It got just too big on his shoulders and arms, the sleeves swallowing past his hands for over five centimeters, and its hem reached as far as to hug around his mid-thighs loosely instead of ending by his waist, as it was primary supposed to. Jinyoung felt like a kid wearing their father’s clothes.

 But then it was so comfortable. The material was so soft, and the oversized shape of it seemed to mold against his slim body like a warm and comfy blanket. It caressed his skin like teasing fingers, prodding his desire of taking a nap while shrunk inside the snug cloth. Not to mention the inebriating musky scent that Jaebum left on it, which got his skin tingling with goosebumps every time he buried his face into the collar to breathe it in. Jinyoung allowed himself to enjoy the cozy feeling that wrapped him up. It felt like home to wear it.

 It still was too big for him, for his obviously smaller and leaner frame. He felt as if he could lose himself in between those fluffy layers if given him the chance. Though it suited him somehow. He felt smaller in it, but it also gave him some strange feeling of safety. Jinyoung felt deeply protected in that hoodie.

 And well, there was just something too enthralling and consuming in wearing Jaebum’s clothes.

 Doesn’t really minding in matching the red hoodie with anything, he simply put on black pants and exited Jaebum’s room. The thought of why he was dressing up in Jaebum’s bedroom after having just blown him off in the shower didn’t really get to him. And maybe that thought wasn’t that important to dwell on, after all. It was just how things worked now, and it felt natural, so whatever.

 Jinyoung liked the idea of sharing everything he could with Jaebum and living that life where they were even dressing up in each other’s rooms instead of using their own. Even though that bedroom wasn’t exactly Jaebum’s—he still shared it with Jackson. But anyway.

 The fact that he hasn’t seen Jackson ever since the shameful episode of last night suddenly blinked a red light in his head, and Jinyoung came to a halt by the door. Considering how the bedroom was empty save for himself, Jinyoung deemed it plausible to assume that Jackson was already up and about somewhere around the dorm. He couldn’t just come to an agreement about _when_ Jackson had left the room—or better, when he _hoped_ Jackson had done so.

 Silently scolding his own mind for beating himself up about that again, Jinyoung forced the boiling thoughts to cease and give him a well needed break. He stepped out Jaebum and Jackson’s bedroom and jogged down the corridor, aiming for the kitchen where Jaebum had said he would be having breakfast when they split ways after their encounter in the shower. It wasn’t like he were hungry, because he actually wasn’t. But he could use some company, and actually cherish it.

 Surprisingly enough, everyone was already wandering around the kitchen island when Jinyoung stepped into the room. Everyone save from Jackson. And even though he had just arrived in there, he could perfectly feel the tension hanging over their heads as they all stood in the same place.

 Mostly everyone was sitting around the table—except for Mark, that got his back resting against the counter while eating a full bowl of cereal. Yugyeom sat beside Bambam, that sat beside Youngjae, that sat beside Jaebum. The four of them sipping from their likely different kind of drinks, only Bambam’s being discernible for Jinyoung since it was a glass of some juice, probably orange, considering the color of it.

 Jinyoung tried a glance at Jaebum, but the older had his pitch-black eyes focused on the hem of the porcelain mug he squeezed between his small fingers. His knuckles were even white from the unnecessary pressure he put onto his grip. Jinyoung would have chuckled at it, given different circumstances. But now, he could only share from that restlessness.

 Shuffling his way towards the white granite table, he settled on a tall chair without even picking anything to eat, stomach feeling upset all of a sudden. He greeted the five of them good morning, as if in testing the waters, and breathed out a low sigh when four of them replied him back with quite enthusiastic greetings. Jaebum sounded more apathetic in his greeting, but he’d voiced it out too.

 The amiable chatter that followed their greetings had actually made Jinyoung relax a little bit further. He got even inclined to assume that none of his other friends knew a thing about what had happened the night before, between Jaebum, Jackson and him. Apparently, Jackson hasn’t said a word about that issue, and hot guilt started bubbling up in his guts for having even remotely expected the guy to go out spreading the word to the others.

 Jinyoung owned Jackson some apologies for allowing his dark side to misjudge him like that, pegging him for something everyone knew he wasn’t. And he was currently thinking about that, about what could he do to compensate Jackson for doubting him that awfully, when said guy entered the kitchen and greeted them all, cheerfully.

 And really, everything looked so normal Jinyoung was starting to think he’d gone too paranoid about that matter. He was fine with Jackson dedicating him one meaningful look before smirking widely and wiggling his eyebrows, going to do the same to a particularly flushed Jaebum, who instantly tried to hide most of his face behind his mug. It was all really okay for him.

 Of course, that until he felt a foreboding chill raking up his spine when he heard Jackson’s next words, the man strategically going to stand next to Mark beside the farthest counter. “So, guys, had fun last night?”

 Yugyeom was the one to pipe up and narrate everything the four of them had done the night before, at the discreet club located a few blocks up the street they’d gone to. Jackson turned on his heels, watching the younger cackling up at the memory of Youngjae going through some real struggle with this girl that kept hitting on him despite the clear signs he kept giving of not being interested. Youngjae whined, not really fond of recalling that episode right now, and Jackson heaved a high-pitched chortle at that.

 The recollection of the events from last night in the club went on for a while, Mark swearing to god he hadn’t cried over the countertop at the bar when some sad ballad of a famous drama he liked started playing through the speakers.

 Jackson cooed at that, trying to reach for Mark and pat his head condescendingly before the older snapped his hand away and grumbled something under his breath, turning to put more cereal on his bow of warm milk. There still was an elated grin threatening to break the seam of his lips when Jackson squealed harder and hugged him from behind, regardless.

 Once they shared the most embarrassing and highlighted moments of the night out, though, Jackson’s focus was instantly back to Jinyoung and Jaebum, the mischievous glint on his eyes hinting just how dying to ask what he was about to he actually was. He braced himself. “Annndddd, how about our Boring Club? I bet it isn’t that _boring_ anymore after last night, righttt?”

 Jaebum visibly flinched. Five pairs of eyes snapped on their direction, and Jinyoung felt his cheeks burn. He glared at Jackson, and the guilt feel he once harbored towards the older guy vanished from his body, just like the thought of making up for ever doubting him. And no, it didn’t surprise him how, despite the thick atmosphere slowly closing around them like one sly snake, Jackson still found it in himself to giggle in amusement at the situation.

 Something seemed off, somehow. Jinyoung couldn’t really stick to that thought as to figure out what was causing that odd feeling to crawl up his chest, but the back of his neck still tingled and prickled, like he was letting something important to pass by unnoticed. Just like it did on the day before.

 He warily looked around, taking in the amused and quite curious looks smeared all over his friends’ faces, and maybe that was it. No one looked as though they were about to freak out. In fact, there were even these annoyingly knowing traces painting their features in awareness now, as if they’re surprised about something coming to the general knowledge of happening, but not quite surprised about it happening at all. It went against everything Jinyoung had actually expected and braced himself for.

“What happened last night??” Bambam urged, having gotten enough of that unnecessarily odd silence going back and forth. The orange juice he’d been downing up until then lied forgotten over the tabletop by then, his attention focused on something else entirely.

 Bambam’s eyes searched for an answer on Jackson’s face, resembling a hawk preying over something from the clear sky. Jackson smirked, all but smug, childishly making the most of it and exaggerating in his attempts of looking mysterious. Jinyoung could only wish he had something heavy enough within his reach that he could throw on the elder’s obnoxiously content face. The bread basket was too light.

“I found them making out in the sofa when I went out to complain about by sore throat.” Jackson explained whilst leaning himself away the counter to rummage through the cabinets underneath, fishing a few ingredients from it to place them over the countertop, and really, it was like he’s talking about the fucking weather, casually commenting how it has turned from chilly to stuffy during the changing of seasons.

 He carried the items to the adjacent counter, where the blender was placed above, and hummed thoughtfully to himself as he chopped a few bananas into the tempered glass jar, not quite caring about the way the back of his head seemed to burn with glares and stares. “Which by the way is admirably better, though no one even cared to ask me about it. I’m getting better from the flu, folks, don’t need to worry!” He added, sarcastically.

 The kitchen was immersed in deafening silence, but Jinyoung could swear there was something ringing somewhere, or maybe it was just the sirens going off inside his head that were echoing in his ears. Apart from that, there was also the uneven, heavy rhythm of Jaebum’s breath that curiously managed to clearly reach to him even though they stood more than one table and three tall chairs away from each other.

 Not that the fact Jinyoung’s hearing seemed to be tuned in Jaebum’s _everything_ was really important or worthy of being taken into consideration right now. It was just curious, if anything.

 Maybe Jinyoung had gone numb in regards of that whole issue by now, because the frantic restlessness that caused him to break a sweat whenever and every time the prospect of being caught crossed his overeating mind, wasn’t that anymore. Of course, he still felt his hands shaking and it was like he were going to spit his own heart out judging by how strong it was beating inside his chest. However, he felt more resigned about the outcome of it.

 Being it a few weeks ago (or even earlier that day), Jinyoung would be nearly fainting, letting his rancid and pessimistic thoughts to corrode him like plain acid. But now, right now, after being reassured by Jaebum’s words that everything was gonna be okay not long ago, he could only regard that matter with an apprehensive yet resigned heart. Such a development to his overthinking and overly anxious antics, as it seemed.

 Nevertheless, no great development of both mind and heart could’ve prevented Jinyoung from choking on his breath and widening his eyes at the response he then got from his friends—or the lack thereof.

“Well, finally?” Had been the words to break the dull silence, shattering it to pieces, just like they did to Jaebum’s composed façade, the man coughing horribly against his mug of coffee once the words sunk in. Youngjae sweetly reached out to him, giving his back soft pats before rubbing comforting circles over the expanse of it, grinning lively when Jaebum awkwardly waved him off with an unbidden blush on his cheeks.

 Jinyoung looked just as stunned, staring in raw disbelief at Mark, who had been the one to speak up. The older actually snickered at the startled expression the both of them wore, amused to see how matching they were even in that. “What? You thought we didn’t know?”

 The dumbfounded expression twisting their faces in one way or another got to be enough of a reply, because the next thing they knew was the kitchen suddenly coming alive with loud shrieks of laughter. Jinyoung frowned, pouted, crossed his arms in front of his chest. He didn’t see the fun in that; actually, there was absolutely no fun in that whole matter. And from the way Jaebum’s jaw was visibly locked in place as he glared at each of their upsettingly chirping friends, he didn’t think it was all that funny too.

 There was just so much happening right then. Jinyoung couldn’t really bring his brain to kick into gear and analyze everything in detail as his heart seemed as though it’d explode. That didn’t make sense. It was all presenting itself so differently from what he had expected it to. It was confusing and relieving at the same time. Their friends knowing about Jaebum and he, didn’t really make sense.

 Jinyoung’s first assumption had been that Jackson had somewhat blurted it all out the night before, right after they had drawn back to their respective rooms. His eyes snapped at the youngster’s direction, accusing, but it didn’t feel right.

 Jackson wore an impossibly bright smile while blending ingredients in the blender, seemingly rejoicing the moment he was living in without a single worry in the world. If he had accidently delated the both of them to the others, he sure as hell would be looking even a little bit guilty on the surface. Even if he had intentionally told them about what he’d seen in the sofa last night, it would show somehow. Jinyoung would’ve been able to see it in the older’s face somehow. That just wasn’t it.

 But then again, the concluding of Jackson doesn’t being the delator, the culprit of that whole mess, directly implied that what Mark was saying was the truth. The five of them knew, all along. And that was so embarrassing, likewise mortifying, Jinyoung just wished the floor would open and swallow him whole.

 The pieces didn’t seem to be clicking together for Jaebum as they did to Jinyoung, though. The stern look the older held in his gaze usually was enough to make the rest of them to hush and cease on their unbelievable laughing section, but it had had the opposite effect this time around, causing the others to coo and tease his clueless self further.

 Jinyoung felt like chuckling at Jaebum’s unhelpful face again—there was something just _too_ adorable in seeing the older all flushed and helpless—, but since he figured his own expression possibly has been a mirror of that baffled look for who knew how long, he refrained himself from doing as such.

“What, you’re telling me you knew? You all knew?” Jaebum asked, and really, it was more for confirmation than confrontation. Since Mark simply shrugged with a wide grin stretching his pretty lips to show all those pointed teeth in a stunningly cocky way, Jaebum huffed, “how can that be? We haven’t known it ourselves until a few days ago!”

“ _A few days_ —? Damn, hyungs, are you that slow?” Yugyeom needled. Jaebum impelled himself forward to stand up, and Yugyeom hastily scooted closer to Youngjae in order to protect himself, smiling victoriously when the older mumbled under his breath and sat down again. They would never tire of using Jaebum’s and Jinyoung’s soft spot for Youngjae against them.

“I don’t think they’re slow at all.” The noisy combination of roars and buzzes coming from the blender working didn’t do much to muffle Jackson’s loud voice, and so his witty comment still reached all the six of them like a lightning spreading electricity over a river.  “Remember the Washy Whoop-de-doo day.”

 There was a distinct sound mixing with the obnoxious loud one of the blender then, but it could be easily assumed as an outraged gasp of some sort. Outraged wasn’t quite the right word, though; scandalized fitted better with Jinyoung’s astonished expression. “Washy-de- _what_?”

“It’s how we call that little party you did in the laundry room last week. We thought calling it Dirty Cleaning day would sound wrong.”

 Bambam snickered before he could help himself. “And Whoop-fucking-anything sounds very right.”

 Jackson stuck his tongue out at him from over his shoulder, but limited himself to chuckling and turning the blender off, pouring the greenish smoothie he’d just done in a tall glass cup. Holding the cup between his fingers, he turned on his socked heels, taking in the surroundings before allowing his eyes to land on Jinyoung’s and Jaebum’s faces, almost chocking on a laugh against his drink at the comical startled way the both of them were staring at him.

 As there was a deep blush tainting Jinyoung’s cheeks and top of ears, Jaebum’s face had gone ashen. They looked both so shook after hearing that everyone knew about the laundry room episode. Jackson couldn’t stop himself from shrieking and giggling at the entire situation, just like the rest of them. Teasing those two separately always proved to be quite amusing, but teasing them together (and for that wonderful motive), _oh,_ that was simply priceless, thrilling to the most.

 Jaebum, on the other hand, felt as though he was experiencing those out-of-body kinds of experiences, where he watched everything happening through a different perspective, and saw his body standing there, motionless, from far away in the distance.

 His mind was numb, and there was a buzz on his ears that remained even after the blender had ceased its process of mixing things. The worst was that, above all, he couldn’t properly decide how to feel; relieved for the others don’t scrutinizing them for what they apparently knew about all along, embarrassed about the jerks knowing about it at all, or annoyed at the way everyone seemed to be finding the shock on their faces quite funny. Maybe he was feeling a bit of everything, but whatever.

 Gathering his wits together and trying to snap out of his daze, Jaebum stuttered, “did you…how—? But, you were. No. This…did you really? Oh, my god…” of course, it wasn’t that of a coherent sentence (or even coherent at all) but at least it was something.

 Jackson raised one eyebrow. “I can’t understand why you look so shocked, hyung. You weren’t being that quiet, you know? The walls are thin, too. It was early morning.” He countered, and sucked half of his smoothie into his mouth in one go, cheeks puffed as he munched it, working his way to gulp it down.

“You weren’t being that discreet today too, by the way.” Youngjae added, looking calm and unbothered by the nature of that subject they’re so avidly discussing while spreading butter over one toast. The tea mug he’d been drinking as of before was already empty by now, but he didn’t make an effort fill it up again, sticking solemnly to the third slice of bread he was about to eat that morning.

 Five heads nodded in unison at his comment then, agreeing. He shrugged one shoulder when Jinyoung all but gaped at him, taking a bite from his toast. “Just sayin’. It was quite obvious.”

“Yeah, I even heard them banging in the shower earlier.” And then Bambam was smirking widely at the others, purposely ignoring the way Jaebum snapped his head at him with almond eyes bulging out of their orbs. There were nasty whistles filling the air in no time, all hatefully uncalled-for.

 Jinyoung gasped, exasperated. “We—we weren’t _banging_ ,” his voice came out squeaky and high, and he hated himself for the way it broke near the end. Looking at Jaebum for some kind of support, he huffed in annoyance when he found the man looking too dumbfounded to even breathe. Jaebum was dealing way worse with that matter than he’d thought he would.

 After humming in clear and mocking disbelief, Bambam nudged, “so what were all those moans for? We even woke up to the sound of them echoing through the entire dorm. Guess we finally have a winner for the main vocal spot, right, Jaebum hyung?”

“Oh my god,” Jaebum literally _whined_ , leaning over the table and covering his head with his arms as if that’d make the embarrassment that threatened to eat him alive to leave. He felt his face burn so torturously hot that he even feared his brain would fry anytime soon. Jaebum was so fucked up.

 Even though everyone always pegged him for the cool type, fooled by his style and tough demeanor, Jaebum was way more of a softhearted than anything else. He had trouble dealing with emotional things, got embarrassed easily though did his best to hide it behind a rough front, and god knew how hard it was to make him open up about his feelings. Jaebum had a big, docile heart. He only had problems expressing it.

 And now, right now, Jaebum for the life of him regretted ever allowing his best friends to know about this weak side of him, because they looked as happy as a clam at high tide while picking on him about that.

“Twenty bucks that they were getting each other off.” Jackson piped up, elbowing Mark by his side in order to get the older to join him in the bet. Mark snickered, breathy sound high-pitched and goofy just like Jackson’s own laughter, but didn’t make a bet on it.

“Fifty, and it was a blowjob.” It was Bambam the one to join, and then there was a sudden ruckus of speculation and howls blooming in the middle of the kitchen island. Jaebum had actually tried to argue in that, but his voice fell on deaf ears since their loud friends were too engrossed in their euphoric discussion to really pay him any mind. He huffed out a sounding exhausted sigh, accepting defeat.

“What, blowjob,” the scoff on Youngjae’s features quickly turned into bewilderment as they all watched the way both Jinyoung and Jaebum flinched at the mention of that word. Another round of joyful bawls reverberated through the walls. “Was it?! And who sucked who?”

“Can y’all stop?” The tone of Jinyoung’s tone was pleading, exasperated even. Though that only worked as more fuel to the fire because a moment later five of them were already sharing looks and nods of heads, seeming to see right through him just like Jaebum always did. Jinyoung briefly wondered whether he was really that easy to read, but the thought didn’t stick.

“Jinyoung hyung was the one sucking.” Yugyeom deadpanned after a while, the glare Jinyoung sent on his way doesn’t settling much like a threat as for him to take it seriously.

 Mark giggled, taking not even a bat of lashes to agree with what Yugyeom had assumed. “Yeah, it was totally him.”

“I hate you. Every single one of you.” He wished his words could carry at least half of the menace he’d firstly intended for them to, but once they were out his mouth, they sounded affectionate even to his own hearing. The truth was that he was way more relieved for the others seemingly doesn’t hating on him and Jaebum than actually holding a grudge about them teasing them about their little escapades.

“Okay, but in a more serious note now,” it’s been Jaebum the one to say, and his expression was serious when he looked in between the five men spread around the kitchen island, “since when do you know?”

“Know that you’re together or that you kept pining for each other even tho no one seemed to realize?”

 Jaebum blatantly ignored the needling tease in Jackson’s voice. “Both?”

“We always knew, hyung. Why do you think we go out every freaking Saturday night? We don’t like to party that much, at least not every single weekend.”

 The light frown that grew on Jaebum’s brow at that confession could only be mirrored by Jinyoung’s own features, just that a tad deeper. “What do you mean? You didn’t go out because you were bored by our book gatherings?”

“Oh my, you were seriously oblivious to it all, weren’t you?” Bambam crooned, ungraciously. “We all noticed how you two seemed to have some unresolved shit since we joined the group, so when you started with this shit of date book thing on Saturdays, we thought it’d be better to leave you alone to, um, solve it?”

“We almost died from waiting on you two to go down on each other, tho. Couldn’t you just speed things up? We were running out of ideas already.” Youngjae added, remembering with forlorn their weekly struggle to find entertaining places to go every Saturday night, where they would always end up going to clubs or cinemas anyway.

“But thennnnnnn,” Jackson was nearly chirping in elation as he talked again, an amused grin locked in place, “then, there was this visible change in your posture and we kinda figured. Was it what? A month ago? Barely? Dunno. But it was very clear that you two had stepped up a bit.”

 Mark nodded. “Yet you two acted like you were still the same, like still buddies and all, and we got frustrated.”

 Within a blink of eyes, Jackson was already crossing the space between them and dropping himself on the tall chair right beside Jaebum, shouldering him playfully while wiggling his eyebrows in a way that would still own him a punch someday. “Mostly because you kept banging around the dorm and still refused to admit you were doing it ‘cause you liked each other and bro, are you living a romance drama shit? It isn’t possible for two people be that slow about what they feel.”

 As Jaebum managed to sweep one arm around Jackson’s neck to hopefully struggle him to death, the younger squealing and bursting into high-pitched waves of laughter until Yugyeom went to his rescue, successful in disentangling him from Jaebum’s hold, Jinyoung croaked out, “so, does that mean…Um, does that mean you’re not… mad?”

“Mad? ‘Bout what? Not being told about y’all?” once Jinyoung nodded, bracing himself for whatever was there to come, Jackson shrugged as already on his feet, sniffling in a distant reminder of how sick he still was.

 There were stray slivers of sunlight coming in through the windows, shining lively over the metallic surface of the kitchenware. It may be some hour close to eight in the morning, but no one was caring much about that right then.

“It’s not like we should be mad about it, anyway. You yourselves weren’t quite sure about what was going on between you two until a few days ago, so how could you entrust that in us so easily? It must have been hard, to bear all of that and weight things alone. So really, I see absolutely no problem in that! No reason to be mad about.” Jackson said, convict and emphatic of every word, and nodded to himself after a while, seemingly satisfied with what he was saying.

“It was kinda selfish, I must admit.” Yugyeom added after a while, having just sat back on his seat beside Bambam on the opposite side of the dining table. Shrugging, he hastily shifted closer to Bambam in seek of protection when Jaebum turned to glare at him. Again. “I mean, I support you both, but you’re not JJProject anymore. You’re GOT7 now. It would have been better if any of you had mentioned it, like, confiding it in us instead of just keeping it to yourselves. Shared your worries, so we could try and help.”

“It makes us feel… untrusted? Is that a word, untrusted?,” Bambam asked the other, Yugyeom promptly nodding while biting at his pinky nail in mild nervousness, and then he gestured vaguely with his hands as though that wasn’t really important, “anyway, it feels like you don’t trust us, at least not enough to share such information. It feels like that to me.”

 Jinyoung felt his heart constrict, that familiar feeling of guilt working destructively inside his veins as it ran along his blood. His arms flailed helplessly in front of his chest, as if Yugyeom’s and Bambam’s statements were something physical he could just bat away with his hands. “It’s not like that, we’re just—”

“We know, we know. And it’s fine, really. We just wished you’d have shared it with us sooner, that’s all.” Bambam soothed midst sharing a quick chuckle with Yugyeom, the both of them looking understanding and accepting in a way that made Jinyoung’s stomach swirl.

 The worst about doing something and being sorry about it was that, as of nature, Jinyoung wasn’t one of those who easily accepted forgiveness without putting up a fight first, and he has never been. He didn’t feel worthy of all that blind, brotherly love he received. So he would always push and push more until someone would either give up or snap and get really annoyed at him. He couldn’t just help himself.

 That’s why, as expected of him, he kept on pushing. “But, what about the group? I mean, you know. What if the word goes around and manager hyung…I don’t want anyone getting punished and scolded for something like this, and—”

“Woah, hold on. Are you freaking serious, you’re worried about us turning you in? What, do you think we’ll go telling everyone about it, is that it? Do you trust us that low?” And, as expected from the situation as a whole, someone did snap.

 Mark’s tone was clipped, his voice suddenly sounding crisp. He had a deep furrow contorting his beautiful features, and it was so unusual of him to confront someone like that (especially in such a delicate moment), that everyone was left speechless for the first time since the beginning of that day.

 Jaebum, who had been quietly watching the scene up until now, had perked up once Mark’s scold sunk heavily in the room, looking as wary of the situation as everyone in there. A stern look shadowed his dark eyes, and he intensely glared at the older man. “He didn’t say he thought you would turn us in, Mark hyung, chill.”

“No, he’s right, I…” Jinyoung gulped, unsure of what he wanted to say—and if he even had anything to say at all. “I don’t know what I was thinking, I was just. I know you wouldn’t do it, deep down I know, it’s just that. I overthink a lot.”

“Anyway, whatever. If that’s what you were worried about, just gotta chill out, will you? We’ve been aware of this thing between you two for quite a long time already, and we managed to make it work without anyone from outside discovering about that, so. Try trusting in us this once.”

“Stop speaking like that…,” Jackson stepped in, chastised, not very fond of the sudden mood shift. Jinyoung knew things were going to be like that. They were supposed to. And there was this annoyingly satisfying feeling crumpling his insides, stroking his ego with the confirmation that he was right after all. Jinyoung hated himself for that, but he couldn’t shake off the haughty feeling that enveloped him.

 Leaning away from the counter to place his long emptied bowl of cereal in the sink, Mark clicked his tongue. “Ugh, leave me alone. I’m hurt, okay? And I bet you all are, too. It’s not like I’ll turn my back on them just because of that, though.”

 Jinyoung kept his gaze focused on the broad expanse of Mark’s clothed back. Something felt odd in the way Mark was dealing with things, mainly because he has never been one to confront anyone, even less when it was about his friends. And the guy had been quite fine and teasing and witty just now. For what he has come to know Mark for over the years, it was pretty much certain that the guy was up to something at that moment.

 And there was this feeling scratching the back of his mind when he regarded the older glancing over one shoulder back at him, and maybe it was because they’ve been friends for quite too long, but as the corner of Mark’s mouth jerked almost imperceptively in a subtle smile, crashing down the snappy image he had just pulled off so well, Jinyoung suddenly knew what was all that about.

 Since Mark has been his confident throughout the years, lending him a friendly shoulder every time he needed to rant on about trivial matters that insisted in getting into him, it hasn’t been that hard for Mark to figure out what worked the best for Jinyoung, what buttons he should push in each given situation.

 And he was certain that that’s what it was about now. Mark knew how he wouldn’t let go until someone confronted him, scolded him, and called him out on his paranoidly self-assumed shit, even that only for a brief second. Sensing he needed the fronting to be able to fully accept their blessings and further acceptance, Mark had played his role. And quite admirably, Jinyoung had to admit.

 As Jinyoung allowed a small smile to reach his lips and echo tiny wrinkles all the way up to the corners of his doe eyes, his orbs met Mark’s. The understanding was mutual, and Jinyoung acquiesced; for the first time being the one to give up in those unnecessary quarrels he created for himself, and for them all.

 Mark huffed one last time, turning back around to face him and cross his arms in front of his chest, trying to look as annoyed as he could to keep up with his façade. Jinyoung simply smiled wider, seeing right through him. “Just. Try doing it on the bed for once, okay? I’m tired of rushing in and out of the laundry room in order not to think about what happened in there, and now I’ll have to force myself not to think the things you did in that shower every time I wash up.”

 There was another shift in the atmosphere, if the way the rest of them visibly relaxed at the amiable exchange of glances between Mark and Jinyoung was something to go by. With all those shifts from ups to downs, it was really starting to feel as though they were in a damned rollercoaster of some sort.

 But, they all seemed to understand it somehow, understand that all that arguing from just now hasn’t been all that serious, not even serious at all. And that could be blamed to their long lasting friendship, really; but it probably has been more to the unhelpful way Mark tried to hold on his smile with one hand going to discreetly cover his mouth. He’s never been one of staying in character for too long, anyway.

 Though everyone seemed to have picked up on the fact that no one was really angered at anyone there, none of them found it necessary to strike a comment. At least not about Mark’s noble attitude.

“As if you haven’t ever jerked off in there,” Yugyeom teased suddenly, beautifully dark eyes shining with some sort of a childish mirth, and he heaved a loud chortle when Mark just rolled his eyes while giving him the finger.

 Jackson was once again approaching them on the table, but this time he came to sit beside Jinyoung instead of risking himself near a still quite slippery Jaebum. He rested one reassuring hand over the younger’s shoulder, squeezing it while flashing him a calm, toothless smile. “Anyway, there’s no need to worry about it, Jinyoungie. We’re all more than okay with you two finally being a thing, and we’ll protect it. That’s what a family does, right? They protect each other. So just enjoy your lovey-dovey honeymoon. We’ll be the same with you.”

 Saying the words ‘thank you’ out loud felt redundant somehow, since the thankfulness attached to every line of both his and Jaebum’s features showed enough of how much they appreciated their support. Therefore, Jinyoung simply smiled. Reaching for Jackson’s hand and placing his own on top of it, he gave the back of it an affectionate squeeze before nodding his head and letting go. The meek grin splitting Jackson’s face was so bright and full of light, Jinyoung felt warm.

 The same kind of loving interaction hadn’t worked with Jaebum though, the older doing his best to put some space between his and Jackson’s body when the man tried to cage him in a hug after reaching for him from above the table. But it was still there, the love and gratitude he felt towards the younger, apparent in every of Jaebum’s moves as he tried not to chuckle at how hard Jackson was struggling to embrace him.

 As if on cue, the rest of them deemed it right to attack Jaebum with cheesy displays of affection all at once, since he had been posing so tough at Jackson’s attempts of babying him for his pouty face in regards of that whole matter.

 Each one showed their support in a different way; Mark simply ruffling Jaebum’s hair and pinching his cheek in between outbursts of lively giggles, Youngjae all but cooing loudly and laughing heartedly while stomping his feet in a habit he had, Bambam looking like the child he still was by poking at Jaebum’s sides in tries of tickling him, Yugyeom hugging around his shoulders and rocking him from one side to another, and Jackson kneeling above the table and almost climbing down to straddle Jaebum whilst trying to deliver wet smooches all over his scrunching up face.

 It was a mess, really. And it was already expected of them all to turn their attention to Jinyoung and do the same to him afterwards. Nevertheless, Jinyoung still felt even warmer at the whole scene, not for the first time being fond of the dynamic they all had with one another, and likely neither for the last.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I’m serious, the next chap is the last one! And it won’t take that much to get uploaded (I wonder why I can hear some of y’all scoffing in the background). Within two weeks, it’ll come up. Thank you for always putting up with my delay in updating, anyway. Thanks for understanding :)


	7. Seven

 

  Sunset edged the horizon when Jinyoung peeked at the sky from his small bedroom window. An aesthetic of oranges, yellows, and faint salmons mixing with a shy cape of blues and light purples that hinted the approaching night. Appealing, to his romantic and poetic eyes.

 But not as appealing as the man currently sprawled on his bed, one arm hung over his eyes as he enjoyed the comfortable silence the both of them were immersed in within. The image of Jaebum lying on his single bed pulled so many strings on his heart it ached, this time with adore instead of longing.

 Since everyone already knew about everything, and both Jinyoung and Jaebum now knew they knew, there haven’t been motives enough as for them to stop themselves from chilling out in each other’s rooms whenever they felt like to. What, in essence, wasn’t all that different from before, from what they’ve been around each other for the past few years. They were always in each other’s spaces somehow. Blame it on their long-time friendship, or the strong bond they’d developed through their first debut times and beyond, whatever; but things were just the way they were.

 And really, Jinyoung didn’t know how to feel about that. He was glad things hadn’t changed all that drastically—actually, he was more than glad, he was utterly thankful and exhilarating—but. Somewhere deep inside, there’s been this tiny flame burning his nerves in anticipation to the prospect that something may change, and so he couldn’t quite pinpoint why he felt that slightly disappointed when it, in fact, didn’t.

 However, things don’t changing was what Jinyoung have been hoping for all along, anyway. He feared that they’d become awkward with one another, and that the rest of their friends would treat them differently in that instance, so, facing a reality where they all knew about Jaebum and he hooking up all along and even so kept treating them just like always, was almost too good to be true.

 Then, maybe Jinyoung was more fond of things don’t changing at all, and the unsettling feeling that annoyingly hugged his bones was just an aftereffect of extreme relief or something. Or even could that be about that feeling that shook him whenever he expected something to happen and found himself dismayed when it didn’t, being that ‘something’ good or bad. Whatever, he just felt… conflicted. In a good way, if that was even possible.

 As the situation with Jaebum hasn’t changed, and neither did their friends’ behavior towards them, there did have been some changes under the roof they shared—not for too long, though. Because earlier that day, they’ve been informed that they’d be moving to a new and bigger dorm, where they’d hopefully have their own bedrooms and the roommating thing would be finally over, just as Jinyoung’s arranged small room adjacent to Bambam and Yugyeom’s bedroom.

 At the same time Jinyoung relished that change for the better personal space they’re going to be having in near future, he couldn’t feel fully content with it since the news came with Youngjae announcing he’d be moving in with his brother to his apartment then, no longer going to share a dorm with the six of them.

 Of course, Jinyoung knew it’d be happening sooner or later. They needed their privacy, needed to become responsible for themselves someday. And that implied they moving out the dorm one day, and Jinyoung knew that very well. How many times hasn’t he been the one to preach how badly he wanted to live alone and have his own things, take care of his own and trail his own path? The thought wasn’t unfamiliar to him, not at all.

 It’s just. His chest still hurt with wistfulness as he thought about everything they went through in that dorm, the seven of them, together. It hurt because he didn’t want them to grow apart—even though they’d be still seeing each other every day, texting one another until late at night for no real reason, being the best friends they were and being there for each other whenever one of them needed some shoulder to cry on.

 But it wouldn’t be the same. He wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night to Youngjae climbing onto his single bed, saying he couldn’t sleep with Mark snoring that loudly in their shared room. He wouldn’t be able to sneak into Youngjae and Mark’s bedroom and seek the younger’s comfort whenever he had a nightmare and didn’t want to sleep alone. Youngjae would still be there for him—for them—when he moved out, but _there_ would be way more far away than what he was used to as of now. And that was what Jinyoung despised in that whole situation. He didn’t want it to drift them away.

 That was why Jaebum stood in his compact bedroom right now, stretching his long limbs over the worn mattress of his bed. Jinyoung’s been sulking over Youngjae moving out ever since he’d heard of it, though he knew it’d be the best for the younger guy, who’d get the chance to stick around his brother more and enjoy the company of his family more. It’d be really nice for Youngjae to move in to his brother’s apartment, it’d do him really good.

 But Jinyoung was selfish. And he sulked over the matter like a small kid who got told they wouldn’t be going to their friend’s party that weekend, locking himself in his room with a big pout on his lips.

 There he stood for the rest of the afternoon, mulling over that issue and finding reasons for his dramatic behavior where there was really none, until Jaebum had come to his rescue a few hours after his unnecessary confining. Instead of dragging him out of there, though, Jaebum had joined him in his musing, and then so did the sprawling of another stuffy night.

 Jinyoung had his eyes back on the gradually nocturne sky when Jaebum sighed and groaned low in his throat, stretching his arms over his head and legs across the mattress, apparently waking up from a quick nap. Jinyoung watched him yawning, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he found the movement adorable for what it was, sleepy and vulnerable.

 Jaebum blinked his eyes open lazily, the twin beauty dots marking his left eyelid contrasting with the faint orange glow that subtly tongued at his skin as the last rays of a concentrated sunset slipped in through the window. Jinyoung’s smiling face was the first thing that seeped into his sight after he woke up, and he mirrored that expression with a smile of his own. “Hey. Your mattress sucks. S’hard as a rock.”

“Hey.” With a light snicker, Jinyoung reached forward to brush his fingers through Jaebum’s already quite disheveled hair, pushing the fringe off the forehead he loved so much to admire. The pad of his fingers lingered buried within the locks, and they caressed the scalp underneath in an affable way. “Hmm. Is that why you feel asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow?”

 It felt as if Jaebum could break a purr right then, as Jinyoung stroke his hair with heartwarming attention and care. Allowing his eyes to slip shut once again, he hummed. “The pillow is soft.” The sound of Jinyoung’s next snide caused a tired smirk to break the seam of his lips. “My problem lies in the mattress.”

“Mine too.” Jinyoung needled, all smug and witty, with his fingers still carding through raven hair. The pair of pitch-black depths Jaebum owned fluttered open to stare at him in mild bewilderment and warning then, mirth brushing the edges like on a canvas, and a ripple of heartedly laughter spread across the room when he got his wrist held and yanked in sequence, his body going forward until he stumbled his way to fall over Jaebum’s, pretty much clumsily.

 Jinyoung still wore Jaebum’s favorite red hoodie, the sleeves pushed to his elbows once he couldn’t do anything properly with them hanging past his hands like they originally did. And really, he shouldn’t be surprised by how easily Jaebum managed to sneak one hand under it as embracing the smaller frame on top of him, judging by how Jaebum knew that hoodie better than anyone else.

 Yet he still found himself raising a challenging, petulant eyebrow at the man underneath him, the feel of those already so familiar fingers caressing his lower back raking shivers throughout his body. It was admirable how even the lightest of Jaebum’s touches got Jinyoung reacting like he’d just been electrocuted. Every time felt like the first time, and sincerely, he couldn’t quite tire of those boiling feelings that always enveloped him in a some kind of awakening. He loved the sensations Jaebum provoked on him.

 Jaebum chuckled at his amused and slight questioning expression, though didn’t comment on it. He spread his legs a bit further so Jinyoung could slot himself in between them more comfortably. Their position wasn’t one of heating up intentions or hinted lust, at least not initially. They were pressed flush against one another with Jaebum feeling the weight of Jinyoung’s ribs against his own, yes, and their clothed crotches were touching. But there was just that. Innocent. Dangerously domestic.

 They simply stood like that, looking back and forth at their matching fond expressions, doesn’t really intending to escalate things just yet. And it felt nice, casually snuggling up in bed in the presence of each other. Neither of them felt like breaking that cozy moment at the present time.

 There were fingers rubbing circles over the warm skin of his back when Jinyoung raised his bent arms to place them over Jaebum’s broad chest, resting his chin on the back of his piled hands, and gracing the other man with a calm smile. “You know what’s funny?” Once Jaebum limited his reply to an encouraging hum, Jinyoung continued on with his line of thought. “We still haven’t talked about that book of yours.”

“We got a lil’ busy yesterday,” the older offered, taking relish in the faint blush that blossomed in Jinyoung’s cheeks as the mental recalling of what they’d done past night instead of discussing the novel showed in his dark eyes. “But yeah, we still haven’t. Wanna talk about it now?”

 There was a small nod coming from Jinyoung before he looked down and away in a clear sign of feeling uncomfortable with what was likely crossing his mind right then. “Mhm. So I can stop sulking about Youngjae moving out.”

“Aren’t you just doing it right now?” Jaebum grinned at the protuberant pout that formed on Jinyoung’s mouth at that, but was quick to bring one hand to caress his right cheek in a reassuring gesture. “Okay. Let’s talk about it, big baby. What’s your impression of it?”

 Jinyoung dutifully ignored the teasing pet name Jaebum’s used to him in order to focus on flipping through the files on his mind, silently gathering his thoughts about the erotic book, until he felt confident enough in them to share. “I liked its writing style. The character development was greatly portrayed, too.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Jaebum agreed. “It had a great build up. The both of them had such different ways to see the world before their worlds collided and mingled. Just like milk and coffee.”

 The soft knitting of his thick eyebrows delated how confusion lighted up a tiny little flame at the bottom of his chest after that last comment. He cocked his head to the side when Jaebum simply looked back at him with impassiveness wrapping up his mildly sleepy features. “Milk and coffee?”

“Yeah, you know…there are people who like them separately, but there are also the ones who find them way better when mixed together.”

“Jesus Christ, this was the worst comparison I’ve ever heard, hyung,” Jinyoung chuckled out, the sound of his laughter ringing on Jaebum’s ears like harmonic bells in a symphony, making the older man chuckle along, carried by the elation radiating from that gesture. “And it doesn’t even add up to the context.”

“Whatever, whatever,” Jaebum released an exasperated sigh, tightening his hold around Jinyoung’s waist under the red hoodie anyway. “The point is, the character development was admirably good.”

“Yeah. And the genre is so different from the ones we were used to reading up until now, but not in a bad way, not at all. I pretty much loved it, and its progression. I think it was a good book.”

 Looking demurely smug as if he’d just been praised as well, Jaebum tilted his head, the curl of his lips drawing a satisfied smile all along. “Oh? I didn’t think you’d liked it that much. I’m glad it was a worthy reading in the end.”

“It was!” Jinyoung beamed. “It was interesting to see how the characters worked their mutual attractions out, and to think they met under such inconvenient circumstances. Their relationship was very cute. And their struggle about handling their feelings, oh it was really nice.”

“I was very surprised when I found this title online and gave the first few chapters a try. I wasn’t hoping for…romance, actually. I expected some kind of shitty porn and that’s all, but. It was a pleasant surprise.”

“So you’ve searched this up online? That’s how you found about it? Like, diving into this kind of genre on the internet and picking the title that looked most appealing to you, is that it?”

 Jaebum narrowed his eyes slightly as he stared at some random spot on Jinyoung’s cheekbone, seemingly giving that question a thought before humming in agreement with what his brain had made of that matter. “Yep? I mean, I didn’t know about it at all. I just wanted to, um, you know… find release? And watching porn would disturb Jackson’s sleep since I couldn’t risk myself to watch it outta our room. I used the tools I had, then. So I came across this book and well, why not.”

“It was a coincidence, then.” Jinyoung more like stated, nodding his head when Jaebum simply shrugged one shoulder. “Interesting. Finding it by chance, and coming to the realization that it’s actually a great piece of work. Pretty rare.”

“I think I got lucky.” Sunset mostly gone, only the gloomy purple and navy blue from the darkening sky were left to lap at the bedroom walls and furniture, creating linear patterns on their skins from the contrasting shades of the blinds rolled up above the window. Everything got immersed in an alluring nocturne cape of faint shadows. It felt romantically surreal somehow.

 And while distantly thinking about how they should probably close the window by now, Jaebum focused on grazing the back of one finger over Jinyoung’s face, tracing a downward path from his cheek to the crock of his long neck, tugging lightly at the collar of the red hoodie that hid the rest of his collarbone and torso. Jaebum thought Jinyoung looked good on his clothes. He felt even more possessive towards the younger man when he did so.

 There was a bit of rustling around then, Jinyoung trying to find a more comfortable position for them and failing adorably at it when Jaebum stubbornly hugged both his legs with his own, inner thighs pressing against outer thighs and legs falling into an entanglement of limbs, disabling the younger from moving too much. Jinyoung released a breathy laugh at that. Jaebum stared at him like he was the most precious thing to ever exist on earth. Just like he always did when he thought nobody was looking.

“I’m curious about something else, tho…” Jinyoung breathed once he willed his chest to stop heaving with chuckles, and the light blush that flushed his cheeks as he seemed to wage a silent war inside his head about what to say only made Jaebum perk up in interest.

“About the book…uh. I’ve already figured you wanted to know my thoughts on it because of the, umm, genre and all. To check the waters, I mean, and see if I got uncomfortable with all this gay matter or hopefully was into it too,” he waited on Jaebum to agree to that, and when the man nodded, albeit confusedly, he continued, “so. Have you, uh. Have you ever…got off to it? Like, while reading those sex scenes and stuff.”

“What?” Jaebum had actually laughed at it, amused to the most, but when he noticed the seriousness shining on those pretty dark pools that stared back at him in a mix of meek embarrassment and blemishing boldness, his expression automatically turned less playful, and attractively darker. “Wait, are you for real?”

 Jinyoung pursed his lips, looking resolute in his demanding attitude with a frown wrinkling his brow. “It’s a fair question, since we’re at it.” _And I’ve been dying to know whether you also jerked yourself off just like I did when I first read it a few weeks ago_ , was the rest of his reasoning, but Jinyoung didn’t quite see the need to share that last bit, too.

 Jaebum looked conflicted, and thoughtful. Jinyoung waited patiently for his answer, not really sure if he would have to push the other to share that with him, but hoping to all gods that he wouldn’t need to. If Jaebum felt uncomfortable with telling him that, then he would respect it, of course. Jinyoung just didn’t see why he ever would though, considering how they’ve even had dirtier talks about that kind of stuff. Yet he wouldn’t pressure him, not about that.

 Luckily, his worries about getting Jaebum somewhat uncomfortable with that approaching of matter died soon and quick, the guy beneath his body looking up at him with mirth filled eyes. Really, Jinyoung didn’t even know why he still found himself behaving so hesitantly around Jaebum after all they’ve gone through. Old habits die hard, but brand new ones kind of did so, too.

“Sometimes.” Jaebum offered after giving that question a deeper thought, licking his lower lip moist while his brain kicked into gear and dwelled further on the subject. “I liked to let the desire boil for a while, though. It’s really good, not touching yourself as your cock ache torturously with heat throbbing down there to then finally take the edge off. The sensations and the intensity of ‘em increase tenfold when you come. The pent up really do some wonders.”

 There was a soft yet kinda strangled wail dancing through the air right then, and despite distantly thinking that it could’ve been the flapping birds greeting their goodbyes while flying away to chase the sunset outside the window, Jaebum was pretty much surer it’d actually been Jinyoung the one to croak it out, midst one outburst of embarrassing arousal towards the words that have been said.

 Their eye lock was broken, Jinyoung being the one to do it in behalf of burying his heated face on the crook of Jaebum’s neck. Whining while subtly moving his hips on top of Jaebum’s, he sounded just as seeking as he currently looked like. The signs of his interest were showing, not as shyly as they once used to, and Jaebum couldn’t, for the life of him, ignore them. Neither did he even want to.

 Jaebum could feel the pad of those moist lips pressing against his jugular, and his skin burned where it touched. Jinyoung’s breath was hot as it brushed featherily over his pulsing point. He shifted, took a sharp intake of breath as his blood started to boil with promises and rush south. “Do you find it arousing?”

“Too much.” Jinyoung’s voice sounded muffled from where his mouth remained attached to the warm skin of Jaebum’s neck. The rough edged vibrations of Jaebum’s following hum echoed through his softly parted lips, and he cherished the feeling with a content sigh.

 He could feel Jaebum’s pulse thrumming in a crescent speed beneath his pouting mouth, interested in the prospect that whole situation hinted, and that alone was enough to spike boldness to course in his veins. Moving pretty graciously on his spot, he wiggled his way to change their positions and mount Jaebum’s thighs, straddling them while still laid down over the fierce, broad plane that was the older man’s chest.

 Jaebum hummed again, apparently satisfied with that new arrangement of positions. There was a lustful glint shinning bravely in those dark eyes when Jinyoung raised his head and found them already staring intently at him, endearing desire naked and honest in those deep pools of emotion. Jinyoung felt the butterflies in his stomach churn, ecstatically.

“What would you do,” Jaebum began, one hand slowly tracing down Jinyoung’s back from above the big hoodie, fingertips skirting the sinuous curve of his lower back, “if I told you then that every time I jerked myself off to that book…” his palm cupped one buttcheek through the thick material of the sweatpants Jinyoung wore, and the younger’s breath caught at his throat, rendering him breathless, “I was imagining you and I instead of those two characters?”

 The sound that escaped Jinyoung’s mouth could be labeled as a gasp, but really, if listened closely and attentively, it’d been way more of a choked off squeak than anything else. His hips jerked ever so slightly in response, involuntarily, brain shortcutting as the meaning of that confession sank in.

 Jaebum’s been getting off to the thought of the two of them doing the things narrated in that book. Just like he himself had done.

 They’ve been sharing that same insane desire towards each other since the beginning, unaware of it being mutual and, consequently, drowning themselves in negative assumptions that it’d never work out the way they wanted it to. If only they knew better. They could’ve spent that time pining over one another in a more interesting way.

 But things were how they were, and still, Jinyoung had this mystic, fanciful thought that that was exactly how they were supposed to be. All the wait, and uncertainty, and that suffocating feeling of having his lungs squeezed whenever he tried prying into their future together and found a black painting, opaque and undetermined, full of nothing. They were necessary for the right outcome to develop and present itself.

 Everything had a deeper meaning somehow, and things happened in a way for a reason. And if, despite everything, Jaebum and he still ended up together, well. Then it’s been written.

 Purplish crimson painted the walls of the room when Jinyoung whined low in the back of his throat, Jaebum’s hand kneading the pillowy expanse of his buttcheek more avidly, as if to bring his attention back to the moment. Red and chrome flashed against his now closed eyes as he tilted his head back. Dark blue edged Jaebum’s features when he opened his eyes again to focus them on the unabashedly desire that lined his face. It was a mix of colors, of contrasts; and Jinyoung found himself drawn to it, lost in the musky air of seduction they gave off.

 With a distant thought on what Jaebum had said a few moments earlier, and another on whether it was really necessary of him to reply to that, Jinyoung pushed back against the fingers that groped him through his sweatpants. At the same time his clothed bottom received more friction, his crotch dragged over Jaebum’s in a sinful, languidly slow move, and the feeling was beyond good. He repeated that sequence, over and over again, until he was lowkey bouncing over Jaebum’s perking up groin.

 Jaebum’s lips parted in hazy awe at Jinyoung’s determination in dry humping them like that. Not because he had something against it, damn no; just because it felt too good to be real. His brain was having problems in accepting that everything he’s ever dreamed of was actually becoming true. It felt godly surreal. “Fuck, why did we have to act like such pansy-asses?” He breathed out, mildly frustrated and definitely turned on. “We could’ve been doing this way sooner if we didn’t.”

“The pent up really do some wonders.” Jinyoung huffed out a sly laugh, but the sound caught in his throat just as quickly as it had come to the surface, turning into a startled yelp when he found himself being flipped around and pressed against the mattress.

 His brain blanked out for a few moments. Blinking in amused surprise, he stared up at Jaebum hovering above him, took in the dark look that shone dangerously in those blown pupils. Unable to fully process the turn of events (and positions) that rapidly, he failed at understanding how fast and easily Jaebum has managed to turn them over and pin him down with the weight of his lean body like that.

 And it must have showed on his features somehow, both the amazement and exciting curiosity he was going through, because a heartbeat later there it was, that trademark smirk, stretching Jaebum’s ravish lips, wickedly. The shiver that shook Jinyoung’s limbs at the fire he saw roaring in Jaebum’s gaze must have been just as noticeable, but whatever.

 Jinyoung’s chest pretty much heaved with each intake of breath, the anticipation of Jaebum’s next move pumping hotly in his veins and leaving his lungs to work harder. Though they’d switched positions in a sudden turn, Jaebum has maneuvered them so expertly that he was still slotted in between Jinyoung’s legs even after they’ve landed back on the mattress, and as they stood now, the press of their crotches together was so much more intense than before, it was crazy.

 With one hand by Jinyoung’s head, supporting himself up, and another reaching for the strap of the red hoodie he wore, Jaebum distractedly twirled the piece of cloth around his index finger. The warmth that peeked from the collar of that garment spread through the back of his finger when he brought it close enough to Jinyoung’s exposed neck. It was so hot, even through the cotton layer. Jaebum breathed deeply.

“You look good in this.” He shared his thought from before, after spending some embarrassingly long time watching how wonderful Jinyoung looked there, underneath him, cheeks getting slightly flushed and parted lips looking pretty much inviting.

 Jinyoung ducked his head to look down on himself when Jaebum dropped his gaze to roam it over the expanse of his clothed chest appreciatively. There was a fierce tug on the strap of the hoodie, and he gasped despite himself, body squirming all but slightly.

“It’s too big for me…” he countered, trying to ignore the tap dancing the butterflies in his stomach were breaking down after Jaebum’s hips rolled against his at the same time he tugged at the strap again. “But I like it…I like how big it’s on me…”

“I know of other big things you’d like on you,” Jaebum whispered to him, suddenly breathing against his ear, the nasty meaning of those words punctuated by another roll of lips that left Jinyoung gasping under a surge of arousal. Heat rose to his cheeks at the inciting combination, painting them ridiculously red. He still wasn’t sure whether he hated or loved that dirty-talk-enthusiast side of Jaebum, but fuck did that turn him on.

 He snaked his arms around Jaebum’s sides to pull him down, and impossibly closer. Jaebum nibbled at his earlobe, and his breath was so hot on Jinyoung’s skin. He squirmed again, delighted. “Jaebum…”

“My t-shirts, for example.” He breathed out next, and the cheeky, mischievous laugh that followed it was only overlapped by the slap he received on his sleeveless arm, the imprint of Jinyoung’s fingers stinging red on his tanned skin. He kept on chuckling nevertheless.

“I hate you.” Jinyoung half whined, half gritted through his teeth, trying to mask the hints of laughter off of his voice. Before Jaebum could do or say anything else, Jinyoung pulled back from the crook of his already slight sweaty neck and turned his head towards him, smashing those still grinning lips with his own. Jaebum replied to the kiss instantly, smiling playfully in between smaller pecks, but giving just as much as he was getting for the most part of it.

 Hands started getting bold and exploring around not much after, the kiss languid and intense as the touches began. Not that Jaebum’s fingers were cold, because they in fact weren’t, but they definitely were cooler than Jinyoung’s burning skin when they slipped past and under the hem of the hoodie, leading a slow path across his sides to press fingertips over his ribs.

 Jinyoung squirmed at the contrasting sensation of hot and cold, pulling away from the kiss to allow a low hiss to leave his lips when the coolness of those fingers curiously spread heat over one nipple, the pad of the thumb and the middle one pinching it teasingly. A shock-like sensation raked over his spine. It felt demurely thrilling.

 Jaebum’s heavily lidded eyes looked as glazed as he believed his own looked right then when he fluttered them open to stare at the man on top of him. They were breathing into each other’s spaces, huffs of breath brushing against their slight parted mouths, and it was so sexy how wrecked they already looked for one another. Pink cheeks, red abused lips and tantalizingly hazy stares. Jinyoung gulped down a moan at the view of Jaebum that worked up for him—because of him.

 Despite having just said he liked how his hoodie looked on Jinyoung, Jaebum found himself nearly desperate to get the thing off of him by now, motivated by the soft sound the younger did when he got his nipple pinched one more time. Pushing the garment up and tugging at where he could in tries to take it off somehow, he outright ignored Jinyoung’s teasing chuckle towards his struggle.

“Here, here, stop. Lemme help,” Jinyoung offered while arching his torso just enough, awkwardly raising his arms above his head. The position was uncomfortable, the planes of his flat stomach shivering slightly with the exertion. Gladly, Jaebum did quick work of catching the hint, and pulled the obnoxiously big hoodie off his body with hasty eagerness.

 Jinyoung couldn’t help chuckling again at the way Jaebum threw the piece of cloth to the floor as though it personally offended him. Before he could strike some snarky remark about that, though, Jaebum was already down to mouth at his now exposed chest, avidly sucking bruises on his skin like a hungry man.

 He felt his head swim, thoughts dithering. Jaebum’s hands have skirted their way down to squeeze roughly at his hips and outer thighs, but his mouth stood relentless, focused on blemishing spots onto his collarbones. The needy mewl Jinyoung emitted at those ministrations surely wasn’t intended, but Jaebum seemed content to hear it, if the way he groaned appreciatively against his rosy skin was something to go by.

 Maybe Jinyoung got too focused on Jaebum’s tongue and lips and whole mouth as they traced languidly over his torso, sweetly leading a taunt path downwards that raked chills to rise on his skin. Maybe his mind zeroed in the anticipation of feeling that wet glide over his shivering muscles, eyes shut close as he waited for the next moment he’d feel it again.

 Maybe he just got too focused on the feelings Jaebum awoke on his chest and bones, because he didn’t have it in himself to recall when the man has managed to pull his sweatpants past his thighs and then proceeded to take his own sleeveless shirt off to toss it aside.

 Not that he’d been disappointed in not witnessing Jaebum stripping off his shirt on top of him, but _yes_ , he was disappointed, who he wanted to fool. It must have been so hot, he shoving his shirt up his head and then tossing it to the floor. The muscles flexing underneath. And Jinyoung’s missed it.

 Of course, he hasn’t really intended to pout at that when he watched the muscles of Jaebum’s back straining beautifully as he supported himself up with his elbows by Jinyoung’s waist, but he’d done so anyway. And Jaebum noticed it, sharp as always, his eyebrows knitting together in a frown when he peered up at the younger’s sulking face. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” His pout turned even bigger, and he was so sure he’d be crossing his arms in front of his chest like an annoyed kid if they weren’t too busy stretching out to hold onto those broad shoulders like dear life. Jaebum mirrored his pout, silently asking him to blurt out what was wrong, and Jinyoung scrunched up his nose in a childish way. “Just. I wanted to see you stripping, but– I got distracted by your mouth.”

 The laughter that followed his confession was so rich with emotion and full adoring that Jinyoung didn’t have the strength to stay mad at it. And neither did he have the time to do as such, since one moment later Jaebum was already sweeping in to indulge his lips into another deep kiss. He could feel the shape of a smirk against his mouth, but he didn’t complain.

 Slipping the heel of one foot up and down the back of Jaebum’s thigh, Jinyoung prodded him forward. Jaebum’s knees slid over the mattress with the action, and his hips pressed harder over Jinyoung’s, erupting a satisfied grunt from the younger man as both of them felt the outlined shape of each other’s dicks grinding more fiercely than before.

 Jaebum had been focused on kissing the living daylights outta him, unnecessarily proving how much of a splendid kisser he was, but when Jinyoung ventured one hand down his broad back to reach and grope at his butt, his focus dithered and he had to pull off to howl against the same lips he’d been nibbling and sucking onto.

 Jinyoung gasped at that reaction, whimpering at how sexy the man above him looked with his eyebrows furrowing and overall face twisting between lust and arousal. He squeezed the perky buttcheek harder. The sound that escaped Jaebum’s throat then was so delightfully threatening; Jinyoung got assaulted by such visceral excitation he felt himself throbbing in his pants. Well, boxers, since his actual sweatpants were already crumpled over his knees by now, but whatever.

 The point was, Jinyoung was pulsing with desire, and he was sure as fuck Jaebum could feel it echoing through his clothed dick, once they were all but rutting as they stood. The moan that rumbled its way out his parted mouth wasn’t by any means unwarranted. Neither has it been embarrassed, or restrained. It has been as pure and honest as his desire, and that seemed to ring a bell on Jaebum, because the next moment he was yelping while being practically flipped, his legs going up just enough for his pants to be pulled off of them and thrown somewhere beside the bed.

 He giggled, amused, watching fondly how Jaebum wriggled himself out of his own pair of sweatpants before swiftly crawling back on top of him, into his space, peppering him with kisses. The friction between their crotches felt way better now, though they were still dry humping through the thin fabric of their boxers, yet it wasn’t all quite enough anymore. Jinyoung wanted more; they both did.

 And it was that thought—the thought of both wanting more and more and _more_ of each other—that led Jinyoung to take the lead, take things further. So he slid one hand in between their bodies, the other grasping at the slight sweaty strands of black hair Jaebum owned, and palmed his groin, biting his lower lip at how hard it was.

“Fuck, Jinyoung,” Jaebum choked out, and Jinyoung felt the exact moment he pulsed under his touch. Add up the guttural growl that followed Jinyoung’s next squeeze and languid pull, and he knew that Jaebum was a mess, a freight train ready to wreck everything on its way. The thought of getting wrecked by Jaebum appealed to him somehow.

 Jaebum hissed slightly when, caught in his own dirty little world, Jinyoung groped him more harshly than needed, sending a mad shiver to electrocute every pore under his skin with painful pleasure. “C-Careful.”

 Jinyoung huffed out a weak laugh, mumbling out an apology though not feeling sorry at all. He saw the orgasmic look that crossed the man’s face after he did what he did. There was nothing to be sorry about, really. Actually, he even mentally patted himself on the back for his accidental but very welcomed doing.

 They made out for a few more minutes, Jinyoung’s hand having slipped inside Jaebum’s tight boxers somewhere in between. Both their faces angled down to watch how Jinyoung’s hand worked on Jaebum’s dick, the flushed head peeking through the black layer of inner clothing. Foreheads pressed together, both pairs of dark eyes drank in those slender fingers disappearing to circle the base and apply pressure all over the length in their way up, pumping it up and down, up and down, up and down.

 Jaebum’s hips would thrust up and into the tight grip ever so often, straining in their need to just fuck those beautiful fingers like he meant it. Jinyoung’s hips would also buck sometimes, gleefully accompanied by shaky exhales and quiet whimpers, though Jaebum believed it was more of an automatic reaction than conscious procedure.

 Not that it was a problem. It was actually indescribably hot. “You’re driving me insane,” Jaebum uttered, thrusting up. “I can’t think about a damn thing right now, just’bout how good it feels…how much my body craves for your touch…”

 Their labored breaths mixed as Jinyoung gave his cock a few rough tugs before smoothing the touch to gentler yet equally firm pulls. Jaebum moaned through it, low and husky, rasping out incentives every once in a while. Jinyoung could totally relate to that; he couldn’t think about anything other than the sounds Jaebum made beside his ear right now.

 Having his already scarce amount of lucid thoughts scattering all over the place after Jaebum had licked the side of his neck to then bit down harshly on it, Jinyoung focused on using his wrist to push those black boxers down, hooking fingers of his other hand into the stretched band and pulling down to help the completion of the task.

 Jaebum joined the cause as soon as he noticed what Jinyoung’s intentions were, and Jinyoung has never seen those hands work so efficiently and hastily like they did to get them both out of their boxers before. It was admirable. Not as admirable as how _fit_ their nude bodies felt when Jaebum dunked down on him again, but still.

“You have lube?” Jaebum puffed out while rubbing his nose against Jinyoung’s cheek, attentive to the wicked shiver that rattled underneath the man’s skin at the insinuation of what they were about to do. To his startling surprise, he felt a meek shaking of head being produced by his side, and once he pulled away to stare in bewilderment at Jinyoung, he noticed how strikingly red his face and chest had become. “Wait, seriously?”

 Jinyoung felt himself blush harder at the unbelievable tone thrown at him. “Well, how can I have lube in here when both Bam and Yug barge into my room like it’s still their own?”

 Furiously refraining himself from thinking about the two youngest of their group in a time like that, Jaebum blinked down at the other, plenty aware of the nearly pleading look that must have crossed his face as he countered, “I have it in my room, and I roommate Jackson!”

“Oh wow, you want compliments on that or?” The roll of eyes Jinyoung replied that with earned a punishment right away, Jaebum thrusting his hips up again, this time making sure to rub their erections almost painfully hard. He smirked victoriously when Jinyoung mewled underneath, legs spreading to make more room for him and ankles hooking around his thighs to indulge him forward.

“Just. How do you jerk off, then?” He questioned then, sincerely curious. In all his bed-time fantasies that involved Jinyoung, he used some kind of lube to milk himself off, hell, there were even times when the lube would be flavored and those shit. Knowing Jinyoung didn’t even have lube in his room, kind of disappointed him a bit.

 There was a light sting spreading over his hipbones from where Jinyoung dug his short nails into, grazing them over the skin until rosy thin lines rose in contrast with the tanned color. He groaned warningly, but Jinyoung’s hoarse voice overlapped it when he spoke, just like a thunder did to the constant falling of rain during a tempestuous night. “Umm. Raw?”

 Alright, damn him, he wasn’t disappointed anymore. If anything, that newly acquired information only enriched his folder of nasty daydreams, and the surge of dizzying arousal that punched him off his feet in an almost physical way felt delightfully unreal, even for his own romantic self. “Fucking Christ, Jinyoung,” he barked out, his raspy tone almost making it sound like a weak whine of some sort.

“I have moisturizer on the second drawer,” Jinyoung offered anyway, nodding at the nightstand, “it’s not really hygienic but fuck, don’t they use conditioner to rub themselves off in the shower in porn videos?”

 Jaebum actually intended on dwelling on that, but the agonizing jolt that swelled up his arousal beyond borders at those words spoke louder than anything his mind was fine with processing right now. “Fuck it, hand me that.”

 Jinyoung snickered softly before shimmying back over the bed to reach for the aimed drawer. Turning his attention away from Jaebum to go look for the lube seemed to have been a bad choice though, because as soon as he turned half of his body to the side and stretched one arm in the direction of the nightstand, he felt arms snaking around his hips and angling them up.

 The time he took to gasp at whatever was happening, flexing arms were already disentangling from around him and hands were already being placed under the curve of his butt and holding fiercely at it, pushing his legs upwards. He felt Jaebum’s tongue teasingly licking a path up his inner thigh not much after, and he wasn’t sure if the sound that left his mouth then had been more of a startled yelp or a choked up moan. That didn’t really matter, anyway.

“Hyung!” Jinyoung shrieked, trying to pull away from the iron grip the man had on the back of his spread legs, and failing miserably at it. His butt was angled in a way _everything_ got on full display for Jaebum’s preying eyes, and despite all the things they’ve already gone through, Jinyoung felt his face going ashen and then burning furiously red in offhand embarrassment.

 Frozen into shock, his arm hung off the side of the bed, halfway reaching for the drawer but never really getting there. His eyes were glazed over, threatening to pop out of their sockets, and his moistened red mouth hung open in a protest that wouldn’t ever get its way out of his throat.

 So he watched, dazed, how Jaebum distributed wet smooches over his flushed skin before licking tentatively at the crack between his cheeks, fingers kneading the flesh more avidly in their hold as he did.

“You gotta be prepared, babe,” he said, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the rosy ring of muscles, which clenched despite itself. “I ain’t risking it.”

“Fuck,” Jinyoung cried out in a bliss, and his back arched off the mattress as soon as Jaebum’s tongue poked at the rim, slipping inside despite the natural resistance it presented. The stretch felt so good, and wet, and so absolutely _right_ that he felt like crying. Or punching something. Whatever happened first.

 His mind blanked out after Jaebum began _damn_ sucking on him, eyes snapped tightly shut and eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and all he could do at that moment was pant out curses. Jaebum hasn’t heard him spilling out so many cusses like that since they last played paintball during vacations and he got accidentally shot on the balls.

 The grip he had on the sheets underneath him were as fierce as the one Jaebum had on his thighs, the only difference was that, as his got somewhat loose whenever his world swirled with the pressure of that wet tongue against his inner walls, Jaebum’s only got stronger and stronger on the pillowy part right under the curve of his butt. He was sure that would leave marks. He couldn’t care less.

 Though he wanted to scream and writhe as Jaebum kept on fucking him with his tongue, he only did the squirming about, profoundly glad the voice of reason that still whispered into his ear had managed to coax him into muffling his pleased noises against the back of his hand. Their friends knew about them already, yeah, but that didn’t mean they should _listen_ to them, too.

 There was a tantalizing string of saliva sliding down the corner of Jaebum’s mouth when he pulled away with a cheeky grin, watching how beautiful Jinyoung looked right there, totally on display for him, and only him.

 Pink definitely suited him the best, brushes of rose spread throughout his body. His panting, flushed face and heavily-lidded eyes were the embodiment of sin, and the hand he got clasped in front of his mouth to hold in his whimpers was the cherry on top. Jaebum couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

“The moisturizer,” Jaebum reminded him with a jerk towards the nightstand, but Jinyoung could only focus on how rough his voice sounded and how hard he wanted that man to put that mouth back on him, inside him, whatever that granted him some godly contact. “Jinyoung-ah.” He repeated, tone softer than before though his expression had gone tons darker.

 Jinyoung licked at his dry lips, whining after realizing how Jaebum likely wouldn’t be tonguing him again until he complied to pick their arranged lube. Wiling his limbs to stop trembling with corrosive want, he shuffled to his side and patted around a few times before he found the handle and grabbed it, pulling the drawer open and retrieving the small bottle of moisturizer from there.

 He waved it back at Jaebum like it was some kind of prize, and Jaebum couldn’t hold in an amused snicker while leaning in to snatch the bottle from the other’s hand. Squeezing out a line of the white moisturizer onto his fingers as his eyes devoured Jinyoung, Jaebum groaned low with restrained yearn. “You’re so gorgeous, what the hell.”

 Jinyoung smiled, shaking his head whilst pulling Jaebum down and over him again by his shoulders, engaging them both in another sloppy kiss. The mattress dipped right beside his head, and he didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was Jaebum’s elbow holding him up above him. Just as he didn’t have to open them to know the coldness that suddenly slicked his bottom was given after the moisturizer they were using for more things than just one.

 Hissing at both the cool touch and the pad of a finger pushing in, Jinyoung sought solace in the amazingly endearing way with which Jaebum was sucking onto his tongue, entangling it with his own, getting them to dance together, sensually distracting him. He was grateful for that.

“Gotta relax,” he soothed when they pulled away, his finger all but massaging Jinyoung’s pucker now, wiling it to ease on its tension, and succeeding on it each time a bit more. Their bodies were already taken with sweat, beads dotting their hairlines and sliding down their glowy skins. The window remained open to the cool air of another awakening night, but it still felt overly hot in there, inside Jinyoung’s small bedroom.

 Jaebum bit onto Jinyoung’s lower lip, taking relish in the wail that crashed against his mouth in return. His finger went in deeper. Jinyoung tightened his legs around Jaebum’s waist. There were a few more groans and strained breathing flowing out the younger’s mouth as Jaebum went on with his feeling around, all of those little whimpers turning into soft moans gradually. It didn’t take long before he was easing up another one in, his own erection throbbing at the noises that permeated his ears like thick honey.

“Yes, yeah, baby. Just like that, you doin’ good.” Jaebum complimented when his fingers went in and out a few times with fair ease. All the signs of pleasure were smeared all over Jinyoung’s features, and he could tell he was already feeling quite good. He panted, the ache of his own desire burning low on his stomach. “Just like that.”

“Please…,” it was the first time Jinyoung blurted out something that wasn’t either a curse or strangled grunt, so Jaebum actually slowed the movements of his fingers down and gave him his full attention. Their eyes met in the purplish dark that immersed the quite dim room, the only stream of light coming from the gap under the door now that the sun was fully gone. Jinyoung grasped at Jaebum’s dark hair as if that would give him back the balance of the world he’d lost somewhere along that ride, “Take me. I’m done foreplaying. Take me all the way this time.”

 The visceral grunt Jaebum released then echoed through each of Jinyoung’s bones as if they were a surge of electricity running rampant over a group of metal poles. He pushed back into those two fingers one last time before Jaebum was withdrawing them completely, taking a moment to smear more moisturizer over them and then spread the slick cream over his dick.

 With one clipped hiss at how cool the improvised lube felt against his burning flesh, Jaebum did his best to slick himself up enough and then pushed the bottle aside, over the far corner of the bed. Jinyoung watched him with keen attention, chest raising and falling with each drag of breath. They both looked at each other when everything else seemed okay for them to continue, and really, it wasn’t like they had to even say anything to get the message of both their consents going.

 They were used to talking through their eyes after so many years of camaraderie, so they simply stared back and forth in a silent communication for a few meaningful moments, and then they were moving again; Jaebum aligning his hips with Jinyoung’s, and Jinyoung circling his arms around his neck to pull him closer by the nape.

 Jaebum pressed the head of his cock against Jinyoung and watched his face as he started to pull in slowly. It was so deliciously hot, being inside Jinyoung. He growled, whimpered lowly. His fingers curled around the younger man’s narrow waist, nearly trembling where they gripped onto muscles, delating his maddening effort not to dive himself deeper into that welcoming tight heat. The sensation was just… unbelievable.

 Every line of Jinyoung’s body had tensed. His dark eyes looked way darker now, slight widened in a daze. He clung onto Jaebum, damp breath coming off in rushed pants as he tried to adjust to both Jaebum’s size and the sudden discomfort on his lower half. Another growl ringed on his ears and then Jaebum was diving deeper into him, mouthing at his jaw during the intercourse.

 Pain and pleasure mixed in a cocktail of stirring emotions in the pit of his stomach, and it was an amazing feeling, surprisingly. Jaebum began moving, rocking back and thrusting forward, as if testing the waters before deciding on what pace he should be taking. “Is…this all right? Does it feel good?”

 Jinyoung wanted to scream how _great_ that felt, but he found himself unable to do much besides focusing on the alluring roll of Jaebum’s hips when he slotted himself blissfully deep inside. Gasping, he threw his head back and screwed his eyes shut. “ _Fuck_.”

 He could sense how a cheeky grin blossomed onto Jaebum’s bitten-red lips as the lust-filled voice he’s somehow spoken into permeated his hearing, but if he were really looking, he’d have seen how sheer relief washed great part of those handsome features after Jaebum noticed that it felt good for him too.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” The older man breathed out before moving again, this time settling on a rhythm that prodded on every right spot in all the right places. He held one of Jinyoung’s thigh by the underside and angled it better over the curve of his own waist, the position causing him to slip even further into Jinyoung. Both of them moaned in approval. “You feel s—o right…so fucking warm.”

 Jinyoung dug his nails into Jaebum’s broad back, muffling a moan onto one of his shoulder as he gritted his teeth at the sharp pain that coursed wildly through his lower back muscles. It earned him a fiercer snap of hips, a rougher thrust that got him blacking out for one second or two, and it wasn’t like he wanted to complain about it. Actually, he wanted to feel it again. Stronger. Harder.

“That feels amazing,” he confessed in between sobs when Jaebum picked up speed, his rhythm turning into a confident pounding after Jinyoung started to react more positively at it. “Do it again,” came his quiet plead, along with an initially shy pushing back of his own hips.

 Jaebum seemed to have been taken off-guard then, but Jinyoung could see the exact moment when his expression turned from one of surprise to one of determination, and the hard shove he did afterwards was there to prove it. Jinyoung choked out a yell—that died in the back of his hand just like his little whimpers had done earlier—and then sighed shakily, feeling numb and hyperaware of everything at the same time.

 The harsh snapping of Jaebum’s hips were unforgiving, the dampness of his mouth dragging over his collarbones made him feel heady, but what was really getting his dick leaking while precariously trapped between their abdomens were those sounds, those _fucking_ wet sounds of skin slapping skin that Jinyoung had a major kink on. They were ringing on his ears like a dinner bell, mixing with one swishing noise that he was sure as hell came from the moisturizer working around them, _in_ _between_ them.

 And wasn’t that just too damn much for him. Jinyoung could practically see the last straw of his holding back being thrown out the window whilst he waved it goodbye. But anyway, there wasn’t any plausible motive for him to be acting all carefully and hesitantly around Jaebum anymore, so fuck it. He would just be honest, and let all his emotions show as they pleased.

 So the next noise that left his throat had been everything but restrained. Back arching off the mattress and bottom squirming and wriggling in order to push Jaebum even deeper, he cried out a pleased bawl.

 And it reminded Jaebum of the obscene sound the man had moaned out during their first handjob, that wanton groan followed by those tiny little gasps repeating in this moment as well and reverberating just the same through his aching muscles. Jaebum’s hips stuttered as sheer arousal corroded his guts like acid.

“You’re squeezing me, so got damn hard,” he whimpered, feeling Jinyoung’s walls clenching around him sporadically as he drove into him, painfully aware of how each clench would turn harder and rougher whenever the sound of their skins slapping echoed in between them.

 Jinyoung carded his fingers through Jaebum’s slight damp hair before grabbing at the strands near his nape and pulling, forcing his head to tilt in the way he wanted it to, sweeping in to latch his mouth onto the patch of skin right under Jaebum’s pierced ear. “Mhmm,” he purred against it, feeling Jaebum’s breath stuck at his throat, “don’t you like that?”

 The thrusts up were taking turns between sharp and sloppy prods then, arrhythmically. Jaebum muffled a sound in the crook of Jinyoung’s neck, breathing in the sweaty scent that extricated itself from the skin, feeling his balls tightening in the lewd telltale of an orgasm.

 Pushing himself up on his elbow, he gazed down at the other. How mystifying it was to watch all those intimate reactions Jinyoung stroke his ego with as he kept fucking him good. The dazzled frown on his forehead and the hitching hiccups leaving his mouth whenever Jaebum’s advances reached too deep. It was all too enticing, enchanting, addicting. Jaebum felt his dick throb in warning. He was so close.

“You k-know how hot it is, bastard,” he rasped, breathing still coming off difficult as his body screamed for more contact, for more speed, for more strength. For _more_. “Of course I…of course I like it. I love the way you swallow me in.”

 Saliva pooled in Jinyoung’s mouth, and he had to wipe his lips with the heel of one hand to keep from drooling. His body shook in a pliant rumble, the erotic sounds that turned him on so much now ringing bells inside his head. One hand reached up, and he palmed it over Jaebum’s ribs, taking relish in how the muscles trembled underneath his splayed fingers. Jaebum was right, that did was pretty hot.

 Sweat dripped down their wasted bodies, sliding off skin in twinkling rivulets of lust. And they both were so on edge, so lost in each other and in their respective seeking, that neither of them noticed how the headboard kept hitting the wall with each of Jaebum’s advances, almost matching the creaking of the bed in which they were banging in.

 If anything, the only sound they heard besides their own mewls and heavy breathing was the incentivizing wet slap of their thighs together. And Jaebum remembered, headily, how that was a massive turn on for Jinyoung and how mad the man was likely going right then. The primitive desire that washed over him couldn’t be described in words, and he was way surer of that once his mind all but blanked in a bliss.

 Another grunt rumbled low on his chest, and his pace increased in both speed and strength, lacking only a bit in steadiness. “Are they good? Is it what you wanted them to— _fuck_ , to be?”

“What are? Oh, shit—” Jinyoung’s hips canted off the mattress when Jaebum just reached that ungodly right spot in him that got his eyes rolling back and his lungs working desperately to get him more air. Jaebum felt so swelled inside of him, so big. He knew it wouldn’t last much more now, maybe a few more seconds.

“The sounds, the slapping sounds you were so. Eager to hear. Are they sounding as good as you imagined them to? Are they—damn—are you hearing them right beside your ear now?”

“God! Yes, oh my– please,” Jinyoung was nearly convulsing, and Jaebum could feel his dick leaking thick warm ropes in between their abdomens. He hummed lazily, his own erection welling up under the breathy string of _please, please, please_ that left the other’s mouth. “My god, I’m—”

“No, whose name you say?” Came the last needle, he once again remembering their dirty dialogue from their first somewhat sexual interaction. It felt so far away already, that day they discovered themselves. It’s been a great day. Jaebum will always remember it fondly, despite everything.

“Y-Yours. I say yours—fuck, Jaebum!” And then warm heat was painting their lower abdomens in pearly white, getting smeared all over their navels once their bodies kept sliding against one another. His hands reached for Jaebum again, pulling him down to crash over his trembling body in seek of some balance from the wildly spinning world. He closed his eyes with a hoarse shout, allowing the waves of his mind-blowing orgasm wash him over.

 The spasms which Jinyoung shook with felt absurdly delicious, and he couldn’t help the drawled moans that rolled off his tongue like melted sugar throughout it all. Jaebum whined at how sticky the slide of their bodies was as he kept on pounding into Jinyoung through his orgasm, head swimming in ecstasy.

 Shimmying one hand in between them to just then grab Jinyoung and fondle his sensitively spurting cock, he gave off a few last rough thrusts while listening to the little whimpers that still danced in the air, along with a sex symphony he was sure was created just for them. It took him only half of one more minute to snap, and unload himself into that furiously clenching heat, groaning and hissing and choking off noises as he came.

 He sank his teeth into Jinyoung’s shoulder while he rode out the last waves, feeling the man’s chest heaving out long pants with each pulse as the fingers wrapped around him kept moving, unforgiving, extending the sensations until both of them were both emptied and too wasted to even think.

 They stayed there for a long moment, entangled together with their ears buzzing in the aftermatch, until Jaebum had been the one to move first and pushed up, carefully pulling out of Jinyoung’s body, flopping to his side with a content groan.

 Jinyoung was still seeing stars when he felt arms surrounding his waist and pulling him to a broad sweaty chest that heaved just as hard as his own. Tipping his head back, he offered Jaebum his swollen lips in a kiss, which the man instantly engaged them into, greedily sucking one lip into his mouth and nibbling on it.

 The feel of Jaebum’s cock pulsing inside him remained for a while longer, lulling his mind into madness as he subtly shifted his hips and felt wet warmth trickling out. Moaning at the feel, he curled up into Jaebum’s embrace. He felt secure there, like never before.

“Fuck,” Jaebum offered reverently once their mouths disconnected, raking his blown eyes over Jinyoung. Even in the dim lighting of the room, he could see how incredible the younger looked; glistening with sweat, hair disheveled and a mess, practically writhing from their fucking. He doubted Jinyoung ever knew how gorgeous he looked all wrecked and sated.

 Jinyoung opened hooded, dazed eyes to gaze appreciatively at Jaebum. How was it possible for him to be so intensely in love with this man? There was no way the answer for that question would be presenting itself in clear words and sentences in front of his eyes, but he could only hope someday he managed to understand it, at least a little bit.

“Yeah, fuck,” Jinyoung agreed, a small and lazy smile coloring his lips. He couldn’t think of anything, and he wasn’t sure he’d been able to do as such anytime during their intercourse. Everything had been so awestruck intense and frenzied and at the same time sickeningly sweet, he was thrown off his feet.

 He stretched, sprawling with a meek wince when his lower back complained. Jaebum chuckled, boasting with pride towards Jinyoung still squirming state, what earned him a bunch of unheated curses and a shy grin. They laid there for another moment, quietly hearing to each other’s breathing evening. It felt like home.

“We left the windows open.” The comment was made in a monotone, detached tone, sounding more like a statement than a real hook for any kind of conversation. Jaebum looked over his shoulder and up towards the open window, humming in a distant agreement. “The night looks beautiful.”

“Wanna go for a walk later?” Jaebum asked, but the unwillingness to detach himself from the welcoming warmth that radiated from their embrace showed in every line of his lean body as he scooted closer and buried his face against Jinyoung’s neck. With one leg casually draped over Jinyoung’s ones, he even went as far as to cage him against the wall, the mattress and his built frame, no signs of moving anytime soon.

 Jinyoung smiled, shook his head. “Only if you carry me. Can’t really walk right now.”

 Jaebum’s laugh sounded hoarse and delightfully rough at the edges when he blew it against Jinyoung’s neck. Jinyoung loved it.

“Do you have some kind of kink?” Jaebum suddenly asked after one moment or two, now leaning back to peer at the other’s face. “Like, are you into that shit of sucking toes or something like that?”

 It was an understatement, really, to say Jinyoung almost choked on his own saliva as he broke into a short coughing section. His eyes widened when he trailed then up and down and about Jaebum’s interested expression. “No, I…guess not?”

“Are you into BDSM?”

“ _What?_ ”

“You know, since we’re talking about it now,” he threw back, and the part of Jinyoung’s brain that wasn’t occupied being enthralled by the path that conversation was leading them into, was actually remembering how those had been his own words when he questioned Jaebum about whether he had got off to the book they read earlier. The little fucker.

 Strangely and somehow relaxing at the subject, he allowed a playful smirk to tug at the left corner of his mouth, amusement and something else crossing his dark eyes as he watched Jaebum blinking. “Are you?”

 Jaebum narrowed his eyes, pouting in a way that wasn’t all that innocent as the gesture usually tended to hint. He caressed the obtuse curve of the other man’s waist, and his fingers brushed along the skin. “I’m in if you are.”

“Damn,” Jinyoung turned his face to the sheets, trying to hide his glowing smile in them. Neither of them seemed to remember how thick come dried on their stomachs and how disgustingly sticky the two of them still were after the amazing sex. Or maybe they just didn’t really care about it that much.

“What about blindfolds?” The older carried on, pushing up on one elbow to rest his jaw over the respective hand. There was something just too fantastic in standing this close to Jinyoung and sharing from his mere presence, something that got him feeling all giddy inside. He was already in so, so deep. And he wouldn’t want things to be any different anyway.

 Jinyoung hummed thoughtfully, though he already had a formed thought about that aspect since ages ago, way before he could even dream of getting this far with Jaebum. “It’s sexy.” He said, already too used to the frenetic rumble those butterflies did in his stomach whenever his eyes caught sight of Jaebum grinning in that docile way he was doing right now.

“We can try that out someday.”

“And handcuffs.” He added, unable to hold in a train of cheery giggles at the expression Jaebum did in regard of his words. “What?”

 Jaebum looked positively stunned then. That was such a pleasurable thought to dwell onto, after all. “I just…um, didn’t think you’d be into that.”

“I’m in if you are.” Jinyoung parroted the words in his most witty and snarky voice, glad that it rewarded him with Jaebum scrunching up his nose in fake dismay and then sweeping in to punish his mouth with kisses that left him feeling heady again.

 Moonlight crept in the room for a while now, and its creamy, milky white glow looked absolutely stunning as it tongued Jaebum’s silhouette like in an oil painting. Jinyoung admired it with naked adore when they pulled away. “You’re beautiful. I hope you always remember this.”

 Though Jaebum had looked taken aback at first, the cute blush that crept up his chest to color his cheeks told Jinyoung that it’d been actually okay to share that pretty intimate musing out loud. He watched as the older man simply regarded him back for a few seconds before hugging him closer, and really, all the love confessions Jaebum could have made to him at that moment reflected in the way those arms tightened around him. That was the purest of reactions, and he appreciated it deeply.

 As Jaebum’s now calm breathing practically lulled him to doze off, Jinyoung found himself thinking about book endings in the far brink of his sleep.

 Just as it had happened in the erotic novel they read, the ending has been about the two characters cuddling after making love. And Jinyoung had the knowledge that that kind of ending was far known and used in most of these romantic stories out there. Authors seemed very fond of that kind of closure, of the magic feel attached to it.

 Somewhere deep inside, he mused whether they used it to enhance the romantic feel it gave off or just because the authors got too tired after writing all that sex that simply put everyone to sleep afterwards. He wanted to believe that it was the first option, but he was well aware that the second one happened quite frequently, too. Not that it really mattered or changed anything whatsoever. It was just a lingering thought in the back of his mind.

 He shifted, reaching behind him to pull at the thin sheets that had been pushed to the very end of the bed when Jaebum had taken a nap on it earlier in the afternoon. Covering at least their hips with it, Jinyoung ignored Jaebum’s mumbled protests about them being too gooey to get it over them.

 It wasn’t about him fearing someone seeing them like that that he was trying to shield them up. For what he cared, their friends could all barge into the room and start snapping pictures of them all dirty and tangled in bed. But the window was still open, and some chilly wind blew his skin into goosebumps despite the night being stuffy as it were. So Jaebum would have to deal with that.

 He should be glad that the neighborhood was desert enough and their dorm stood in a higher floor so they wouldn’t have audience for whatever shit they did in there. Jinyoung knew himself was.

 Mildly aware of the little peck Jaebum gave on his forehead before snuggling closer and tucking them to really sleep, Jinyoung sighed in blissfulness. They haven’t talked about what would happen now, if they would keep up with the erotica genre on their weekly book gathering. At least he knew that their Saturday dates would remain; it was their ritual anyway, and Jinyoung still loved them as much as he did before. Nothing changed in that aspect. Apart from that, it was still unsure.

 Jinyoung guessed they would figure it out when they woke up later, or maybe later on the week, or even in the very next gathering, whatever. He was good with whatever arrangement they did for the next book they read, as long as they did it together.

 Varying shapes of color danced behind his closed eyelids when the thought about endings came back to pat his head. He believed that what he had with Jaebum, what they could make of it now that both were fully aware of each other’s feelings, wouldn’t last only for this night. They would strive forward, make it work. Because, even though the last thing they did that night was fall asleep together after having sex, just like in those novels they read, it wouldn’t really end there.

 And he was proven right in that later, because the following morning at the dinner table, as they had breakfast with their five obnoxious friends cooing loudly at the matching grins they wore, their story still went on.

 

The END.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much to say, but nothing will come up now. Just. Thank you so much to everyone who read this, who motivated me into writing and writing and writing despite my busy schedule and bad habit of taking forever to write a full coherent chapter. I’m no good with long-chaptered stories, and I rarely finish them. I’m glad this wasn’t the case here.
> 
> So thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support. Thank you for the comments that always got me tearing up because I’m a true crybaby; thank you for the kudos and bookmarks that really surprised me once I didn’t expect that much of a feedback. Thank you for those who just read it, too. Thank you.
> 
> I hope y’all liked this story, and I truly hope I haven’t disappointed any of you, being it for the ending or something else. I had a good time writing this, so it’ll make me happy if y’all had a good time reading it too.
> 
> Thank you again for reading~ Love y'all.


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